Series: 31 - January 2024

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

More practicing today!!!  Awww!!!  But it’s kinda fun.  Maybe not for everyone who has to listen to me repeat the same thing over and over, but as Dave would say, it is what it is, right?  Shikataganai, can’t be helped.  I have a meeting in a couple of weeks with the conductor to go over it.  I’m not expected to have it perfect by then but at least I should understand what the piece is about.

I guess Crystal is busy practicing too.  Gotta hand it to the girl, she’s sticking with it.  I wasn’t really expecting her to.  I mean, I’m sure she meant it, but learning an instrument is hard work, especially if you’ve never played an instrument or any kind of music before.  But she’s picking it up, I guess.  Even if it doesn’t lead to anything – and it probably won’t – at least she’s learning a pretty useful skill.  Maybe it’s hard to make money with it but it never hurts to know how to play a guitar, right?

Oh, Minami heard back!  She’s in!!! She’s going to be an idol!  But she has to go to the facility and do some training first.  I guess they make them do some exercises and learn how to dance and everything.  They were a little critical but said she has a lot of raw talent and they want to see how far she’ll go.  For her part, she’s over the moon!!!  She video chatted me and I thought she was going to glomp me through the screen!  She’s going to have a heart to heart with her father and see if he’ll put her up in an apartment closer to the studios in Tokyo. (She lives in Saitama if you didn’t remember). If not, well, she may find another place to live for a while.

Her mother is upset, but she doesn’t really seem to care.  From what I hear, I can’t really blame her.  Her father isn’t there, but he’s generally supporting her, and has promised to sign any contracts on her behalf that he has to.  Which gained him no favor with her mother, but I’m not sure he cares all that much either.  It sounds like he might work so much just to get away from her, but I don’t know either of them, so I have no way of telling for sure.

Oh well.  This diary isn’t really a place for talking about Minami’s family situation, is it?

Oh, I have a picture of Diana!  First one I posted here!  She’s really pretty, isn’t she? And I found a more safe for work (and everything else) photo of cat-girl too.  I’ll post that too.  We all love cat-girl but she’s, ummm…  something else, sometimes.

It’s supposed to get really cold early next week.  Awww.

Yuki asked me to give me Minami’s contact info.  She wants to have a heart to heart.  She’s happy for Minami, but… she knows some things.  There’s a reason she left the industry.  I’ll ask Minami before doing that, of course.  For my part, I think Yuki being Minami’s senpai is a great idea.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s Friday!  I like Fridays because all the girls come over and we eat pizza and chocolate and play games and do each others’ hair…  it’s fun!!!  Well, not for David but he has his own friends.  I don’t talk about it much but he does have boy friends (not boyfriends!) that come over and play games, and they play multiplayer games from their homes often.  Sabby yells at him a lot for his language…

Anyway…  so we’re all here…  and Sabby’s over at Katie’s house with cat-girl.  I’m not really sure what’s going on, but Sabby seemed a little… not upset, but intense.  I guess I’ll find out eventually.  No point worrying about it for now.  Oh, and Katie is back to work.  She has someone to take care of her baby, and sometimes we do it.  Beth even does babysitting sometimes.  But I don’t talk about it much, not because it’s boring, but because it’s… you know, routine?  Usually I talk about stuff here that’s really top of mind, and when it becomes a part of the furniture, I don’t talk about it as much.

Beth seems to like it, though that’s only for extraordinary circumstances.  A six month old is a lot of responsibility.  At least she’s not quite crawling yet.  Oh that will be fun.

Anyway, I spent today doing classes, and practicing, and other stuff that I do on a weekday.  It’s a lot of work, but fun, so it’s alright.

I know I talk about cat-girl a lot.  I’ve never actually told you her name!  Well, maybe someday.  I talk about her like she’s a… well… I guess I’ll come out and say it.  Slut?  Well, I guess she kind of is, if I’m being honest.  But she’s not bad.  She’s got a good heart, and she really does care about her customers and “fans”.  It’s too bad they really don’t return the favor.  She also kind of… likes to show off, and I don’t really think it’s healthy.  Yes, she makes us a lot of money, but Sabby and I both feel like we’d be willing to take the hit if she’d.. tone it down a bit.  We never, ever pressure her.  She just seems to want to do it.  She’s such a hard worker, too.  She really puts her everything into… it.  Her everything.  If you know what I mean.  We have to actively stop her from putting her everything into it… not just for moral reasons, but legal reasons too.  As our signs say.. we’re a maid cafe, not a house of ill repute.

I’d never do it. Heck, Crystal’s the wildest of us, and even she thinks cat-girl is a bit… too much.  Diana stays far away from her.  I guess I can’t really blame her, if I’m being honest.  I don’t, but I also don’t get involved with her… stuff.  I hope she… umm… grows up a bit eventually.  Maybe that’s part of what’s going on now?  I don’t know.

Speaking of putting her everything into it, Minami’s having a blast right now.  She says it’s hard work but really fun.  They idol agency is working on a marketing blitz for her.  That’ll be fun to watch.  I wonder what her nickname will be!  It can’t be Takamina, that’s taken.  Maybe Minataka?  Hahaha.  Well, we’ll see.  I think she actually needs to be careful, her name comes with a lot of baggage, both good and bad, because she shares it with another much more famous former idol.

Okay, well, they’re calling me back for more games, so… guess I’ll go now.

Love you all1!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

My life….  it’s… ummm…..  ummm…

I can’t really describe it.

So…  I heard from Minami’s talent agency today.  They want me to….  film something with them.  They want me to come to Japan and film something with them.  Apparently they want to make a music video based on the video the girls made with me on the train.  Apparently all I have to do is sit there and all the other idols will sing and dance around me on the train and I just have to sit there and look annoyed.

Well… considering, I think I can muster an annoyed look.

I have no idea how I’m going to fit that in, but I guess I can spare some time.

Their idol group is called “放課後友達アイドル軽音部” – or “after school friends idol light music club”  (pronounced “houkago tomodachi aidoru keionbu”, in case you were curious).  Subtle, eh?  But I guess if it supports Minami, I can take a few days and film something.  I guess their schtick is they’re an after school club where they hang around and do idol stuff together.  Not unlike Sakura Gakuin, but they don’t pretend to be a school, just an after school club.  It’s kinda cute, I’ve seen some of their videos, but…  not something I have in my playlist.

But I’ll see when they want me over, as long as it doesn’t interfere with anything important I’ll do it.  They just have to pay for my flight and lodging, though.  I’m doing them the favor.  These kinds of things don’t really pay a lot, but there are other intangible benefits.  I’ll grant that.  But not enough to warrant me paying for it.

I told Minami and she just laughed.  “That’s what you get for being a walking shrine.”

I didn’t correct her.  In their culture, “ark”, really has no meaning.  And she’s not really wrong.

I really need to take Jack to Japan one of these days.  I keep heading over there without them, and I think it might be coming time where he comes along.  But that’s not going to happen if they’re paying for my flight.

Anyway, other than that, I practiced a lot today.  I have to make all my time count when I can, everything’s coming up fast and I really can’t slack off.

No huge news on the Anathema front today.  I’m starting to think we might need to hire security for the shop, though.  It’s getting famous enough – and we have enough people famous for the right and wrong reasons, that we’re starting to get a few bad actors coming around.  I hate the idea of that, but…  Sabby agrees with me.  Especially because someone came sniffing around today asking Anathema why she quit her stream.  She was not happy and I don’t blame her.  And… we should have someone around for shows anyway.

Neither of us want to pay a guard but it’s becoming a necessary expense.

Oh…  I told Yuki what they want me to do, and she just laughed her butt off.  After she stopped wheezing, she told me to have fun, but not to expect much out of it.  Thankfully I was already thinking that way.  She said that if I end up going, and she can spare the time, she’ll buy a ticket and go with me.  That’s nice of her.  I’d still feel bad because it’s not Jack, but it’ll be really nice having someone who knows the business with me.

And… I think she kind of wants to dip a toe in.  She likes it here, but…  Japan is her home, and always will be.

Let me be clear:  This is a one off.  I have no desire to be an idol.  But these things happen to me for a reason, and I never really know what the reason is until I see them through, and…. this might be fun.  So… we’ll see.

I can’t wait to tell the girls what their little practical joke did.  Hahaha!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Not a lot happened today, but I have a lot to think about.  Some stuff happened, though.

Well, I’ll start with what happened, then I’ll move on to what to think about.

Cat-girl, I mean Anathema, shut down her, well, “other business” today.  It was a surprise to everyone, herself included.  It was a surprise enough that some of the bigger YouTube channels covered it as news.  She was doing her thing, you know showing off.. then right in the middle.. just put her top back on, said “I’m sorry, I can’t do this anymore, thank you all for your support, it’s not you, it’s me,” ended the stream, and deleted her channel.  Just like that.  She wasn’t even intending to, it just… happened.  Some of the channels are really angry at her, others are really supportive, but most just seem, well, confused.  It was so out of left field.  Usually they give some kind of notice, but she just… stopped.

I asked her about it.  She just said “I was looking at the camera, and… I saw all those people out there who didn’t care about me, and I thought… what happens when I start showing?  Will they still like me?  And… I realized, that most of them… wouldn’t, and the ones that did… I don’t really like all that much.  They made me some money… but… it felt like I was selling my soul.”

I asked her what she would do to make up for the loss of money.  She shrugged.  “I’m going to college for a reason, I guess I’ll just try to get better grades.”

Yeah, she goes to college.  I think I mentioned that a while ago.  She’s getting one of those boring degrees, you know, finance or something, but she has only been taking the bare minimum of classes so she can work and stuffs.  But… she sounds like she wants to start taking it more seriously.

Good for her.  Seriously.

Sabby and I asked her what she wants to do at work, you know, with the baby and stuff.  She said she wants to keep working, but the days of wearing ribbons and getting us in trouble are probably over.  She’ll probably just stick with the maid costume for now.

We’re fine with that.

Seriously, we’re totally fine with that.

She’s still going to be cat-girl (I said cat-girl and not Anathema). She’ll always have a bit of cat-girl in her, no matter what else happens.  She’ll be happy and bubbly and cheerful and like to wear costumes and probably a little flirty and unashamed of her body..  but she seems serious about her dream, and…  maybe her “other” days are over.  I hope she can find a man who can…. help her to achieve her dream.  She’s already got the kid in the bag.  Haha!!!

So… now the other thing.  I looked up “ark”.  There are two instances of “ark” in the Bible, I guess, and not many other places except some theme park in the middle of Tennessee or something.  The first one was when Noah and his family rode out the Mother of all Storms that killed everyone else and then repopulated the earth.  The second was when the, well, “legal documents of the first covenent” is how it was explained to me, were kept in an ark.  Apparently people got killed just for touching it improperly.

I don’t really know what that means, but in both cases, the arks kept the most precious things in the world inside them.  And, well, maybe that’s what I am?  I don’t know.

And…. the more important question by far than “what’s an ark”…

Who the heck was I talking to?

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So, umm… Yeah. I’m going to Japan again.  Next weekend (not this weekend, but the week after).  They have some production stuff they have to arrange.  But they did send me an itinerary, so I’m going.  I forwarded it to Yuki, and she’s coming along too.  Jack understands, but he does want to come with me sometime soon.  I get it, I really do.  But this one’s business, of a sort.  They are paying me, just not very much.  I mean, it’s not like I’ll be able to retire on it, but it’s enough to pay for a semester or two of college, so there’s that.  I guess it doesn’t take much talent to sit there and look annoyed.

I wonder why they want me specifically.  Maybe I’m just really good at looking annoyed.  Or maybe they just want to capitalize on a viral video.

Well, that was unplanned.

I guess the bright side is that while all the idols are learning lyrics and a dance, all I have to do is sit there.  No rehearsal or anything required, except I just have to look annoyed.  And I remember how I felt when the girls first did that, so I think I can do that really easily.

I won’t be spending much time there though, not much more than a weekend.  It’s not like I have a huge role, and it’s not like they’re going to need multiple takes – of me, anyway.  They set me up for three days.  I guess that works.

I asked them if I need to bring any clothing or anything, and they said they’ll provide everything, even makeup and hair, I just have to show up and let them do whatever.  Works for me!!!

If it were Hollywood I’d suspect ulterior motives, but this is Japan.  They tend to be very upfront about stuff.  I think it’ll be fine.  And it is Minami’s talent agency, and she seems to be having a blast.

So…  I guess no real point in talking more about that until I get closer to leaving.  So… in other news…

Remember that military guy who was escorting Mrx. X at my birthday?  Well, he showed up again.  Apparently he has orders to be our security.  Seems like an… interesting way of spending taxpayer dollars, but she sent along a note, and apparently it’s a part of my “compensation”, such as it is.  I’m enough of a “high value” person that they are willing to protect me if needed.  That’s…  a bit scary. But cool.

But here’s the cool thing.  I wasn’t there when he showed up, but Anathema was.  And…  to hear Sabby tell it, she turned into a blushing, nervous mess.  Started dropping things, turning red, refusing to look him in the eyes… this girl has more experience in her little finger than I do in my entire body, but apparently a well muscled guy in a uniform is enough.   He didn’t quite return the favor, but he had a little smirk.  He knew exactly what was going on.  He was pretty kind about it… he didn’t lead her on but he didn’t outright reject her either.  I remember what he said to me when he left my party, about wanting to maybe find someone to settle down with.

OMG IT MUST BE LUUUUUUUUURRRRVVVVEEEEE

I can’t wait to tease Anathema about it.  But just a little bit.

I wonder if they’ll go out soon.

Anyway, gotta go now.  Lots to do, still.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

OMG this is so hilarious!!!!

I went to the shop today because even though I have a lot on my plate, I had to see it for myself, and… omg it’s all true!  Hahaha!!!  I said hi to the military guy (guess I should tell you his name now that he’s going to be in our store more frequently… it’s just a typical name, Joe.  Nothing unusual, like, you know, Anathema.)

Speaking of which, omg, she’s like a blushing teenager!!!  The minute he looked in her direction, she’d squeak and drop stuff!!!  She offered him a pastry, and you’ve never seen such a subservient maid.  Her head was down, her cheeks were pink, and he just said “thank you” and she blushed and scampered off.

For his part, he asked me about her.  I couldn’t tell if he was interested, curious, or trying to get information for a restraining order.  I just said he should get to know her, she’s actually a pretty cool person once you get to know her – and that her current behavior was very out of character for her.  He just smirked.  “I sure hope so”, he said, “I don’t know how you can keep replacing those dishes otherwise.”  He looked over at her and she dropped a plate.

Yeah, he had a point.

So I pulled her into the office.  I just looked at her and smirked.

She kind of had a challenging look to her, then she deflated.  “I know I know…  I.. this has never happened before.  What do I do?”, she asked, almost in tears.  “It’s like I completely lose all sense when he even looks at me!”

“You’ve never had this happen before?”, I asked.

“No!  I’ve always been the one in control.  Men are supposed to act like this with me!”

“Well, congratulations,” I said, “You’re a girl after all.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?”

“You’ll have to figure that out,” I said.  “I have to put my boss hat on right now though – please stop breaking dishes, they’re expensive.”

She sighed.  “I’ll try.”

“You should talk to him after work,” I said.  “The best way to get over this is to get through it.”

“I guess,” she said.  “I’ll try.”

“I guess this is a part of your new life,” I said.  “Enjoy it.  If you’re unlucky, you’ll have learned something about yourself.  If you’re lucky, someone will get to sweep you off your feet for a change.  Either way, have fun.  But try to stay professional, okay?”

She nodded.  “Okay.  But…  when have I been ‘professional’ before?”

I frowned, remembering what she wore on Halloween and what she got in trouble for with a customer.  “Good point.  But now’s the time to start,” I said.

I went out, and had a quick chat with him.  “What’s your rank?”, I asked.

“Sergeant,” he said.

“Sergeant, I have a supplemental mission for you.  Ten-hut!”

He smirked, but humored me and stood at attention.  “What is it, ma’am?”

“Give her a chance,” I said, softly.  “She’s…  just had a major life change.  This is all new to her.  I can’t order you to… well… do anything, really, but I especially can’t order you to give her a chance.  But…  I remember what you said to me as you left my birthday party.  Let her shoot her shot.  Worst case, you both learn something.  Best case… maybe you’ll find what you’re looking for, too.”

He nodded, and walked over to Anathema.  “Ma’am”, he said crisply.  “2300 hours, after you get off, do me the honor of sharing a pastry and coffee with me.”

She eeped, but nodded mutely.  He nodded and went to stand by the door again.

“As you order, ma’am,” he said to me and saluted crisply.  But he was smirking.

I saluted back, probably doing it absolutely wrong, but he nodded and went back to, well, being vigilant, I guess.

I went home and practiced.  We have a band playing tomorrow night, so I might attend.  I don’t know which band it is, some local band.  I hear they’re pretty good, they’ve sold more than a few tickets.  Definitely met their quota.

This weekend we’re celebrating Dave’s birthday.  It was last weekend, but he wanted to put it off, so we did.  Besides, we all had a great idea anyway.  It’ll be fun.

I hope Anathema texts me in the morning, and I hope it’s something a little… more wholesome than she would have texted in the past in the same situation…

I have a feeling it will be.

Yuki bought her tickets on the same flight as me, and she’ll share a room with me.  They’re putting me up in a pretty nice room, and it can fit two.  I told the producers Yuki is coming along and, well, since they saw the concert that Minami was at, they know we’re friends, so they’re not surprised, but they were very happy to hear she’s coming.  They mentioned that maybe she can give a little pep talk to all the idols, you know, as their senpai.  I asked Yuki.  She’s fine with that, particularly as Minami will be a part of the group.

Even as a former idol, she’s very respected.  That’s pretty cool.

Oh well.  I guess I should to to bed.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And I have a LOT to tell you my internetey friends!  Is that a word?  It is now!!!

Okay…  first, night before last.  Apparently Joe and Anathema had their coffee date, and, well, to hear Anathema tell it, it went really well.  They stayed up past midnight talking, and she came out of it even more besotted than before, but at least comfortable enough to stop dropping dishes.  Joe, well, I don’t know what he’s thinking, but he didn’t reject her.  Even after she told him about her (recent, even) past and how she’s pregnant.  He seems to be willing to let the past be the past as long as it doesn’t leak into the present.

So, last night.  I didn’t post last night because we were out late and when I got home we just went to bed.  I was telling you about that concert…  well, it went well.  And…  it didn’t.  Let’s just say Joe proved his worth and we might be hiring some off-duty cops to help him.

What we were afraid of, happened.  Someone came in after Anathema.

It was before the concert, everyone was filing in, and some guy walked in acting really suspicious, and asked if cat-girl was around.  But he used her online handle.  She was pretty smart and never used her real name.  I think she called herself Brandii or something.  Anyway, he came in asking for her, and, well, he didn’t look like he was up to any good.  Sabby signalled Joe over, and Joe told him he’d better scram.

Guy reached into his waistband.

Guy ended up on the ground with his arms twisted rather painfully behind his back, very quickly, and a gun to the back of his head.  We called the cops, and they showed up pretty quickly

Yeah, he had a gun.

He’s lucky he’s still alive.  It, umm…  turns out Joe doesn’t mess around.  And thank goodness he doesn’t.

Anathema was pretty shook up, though.  As the responding cops were dragging the guy away, we told them why he was probably after her, and they said they’d be pressing charges for, at the very least, felon in possession of a handgun.  Guy had a record, I guess.  Joe, well…  I guess he got some major points.  After they left he took her aside and told her that as long he was there, no one was going to hurt her.  I don’t think that was because she’s Anathema, I think it was because he’s Joe.  But that…  well, she’s not really looking at him doe-eyed anymore.  She’s not even looking at him like a piece of meat.  She’s…  looking at him like he saved her life and she would do anything for him.

And with Anathema, anything is a lot.  But, the difference now is… only for him.  She’s his for the taking.  But… I don’t think he’s going to take her up on that so quickly.  And… well… I don’t blame him.  He’s only known her for a couple of days, and she does have a past.  But… he still hasn’t turned her down.  And, at least for the short term, I don’t think he’s going to.  She, frankly, needs to learn a little self-control, and I think he took my “supplemental mission” seriously.

Oh.  And it didn’t hurt that Joe told the guy that if he ever came anywhere near her ever again, he wouldn’t hold back next time.  Considering how, umm… wet his pants got, I guess the message came though.

Anyway, we’re going to hire one or two off duty cops, and put the word out that cops get free coffee and pastries if they hang around for a bit while eating them.

It’s all we can do.  Let’s hope that there aren’t many more people like that.

Anyway, the concert was really fun.  All the girls came to see it, and the band played a lot of original music, and they were actually really good.  They sold a bunch of merch too, and part of the deal is, we get a cut of the profits, so…  it worked out for everyone.  After it was all done, though…  We went home.  Joe and Anathema… well, they left together.  I don’t know where they went, but I asked Anathema, and she said he was a perfect gentleman and took her on a real date.  Took her home and everything.  And did not take her up on her offer to come in for a “nightcap”.

But he did do a sweep of her apartment and told her not to open the door for anyone she didn’t know, no matter who it was.  To call him or the police, and they’d deal with it.

Apparently when an active duty Sergeant in the military tells the police something, they at least take him seriously.

She’s a little frustrated, but she’s also… well…  she seems secretly pretty happy that he’s holding off.  It means he’s treating her seriously.

So… ummm…  today, we did Dave’s birthday at the shop.

We roasted him.

You know, like those roasts on TV where everyone swears and tells someone how awful they are?

Well, we were a little nicer than that.

Just a little.

Sabby got him good.  I don’t remember everything that was said, but it was pretty funny.  I couldn’t bring myself to be too mean, so I just recounted the story of the cayenne pepper in the chocolate and how I nailed him in the groin when he tried to scare me.

Anyway, after everyone took their turn, he just stood up, looked over all of us, and said “I’ll remember this”.  And we all knew what he meant.  He would remember that it was a token of our appreciation for him, and also…  he’d remember this.  Haha.

Anyway, we did all give him presents after, and he had a pretty good time anyway.

So….  it’s Saturday night now.  It was a long day.  Anathema seems alright, she didn’t seem too badly affected.  I think she might have been if it’d escalated further, but Joe did a really good job.  Hear that Mrs. X?  Give that guy a medal.

I know, I know.  But still.  He deserves something.  Maybe a little leave?

Okay.  Gotta go now.  Lots to do.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Well, I guess it was a Sunday.

So this morning, Anathema wanted to go to church.  I was very, very surprised.  I think anyone who know Anathema – back when she was more cat-girl than Anathema, would have thought if she walked into a church that the place would go up in flames and a pit into hell would open up right in front of the crucifix, and a bunch of dancing demon-girls would come out of there and start seducing everything that moved.  But…  I guess surprises are going to keep happening.  Sabby and I asked her why, first.  She just said “It…  doesn’t seem like it’ll hurt, does it?”

I guess I can’t argue with that logic, really.

So she went to church.  But, she wanted me to go with her.  I don’t know why, something about being with a “walking shrine” making her feel safe.  Dangit!!!  What the heck?  And Joe, well… he wanted to come along, too.  I guess there are a lot of Christians in the military.  A few less now before, to hear him talk about it.

So…  dang it all, we all went.

I honestly didn’t want to go, but I felt obligated.  I mean, after all, I’m the reason (by proxy, but still) that she’s having all these upheavals right now.

And, well…  I’m kinda glad I went, and I’m kinda not, because it was hilarious.  Well… right up until it wasn’t.

No, she wasn’t hilarious.  Said pit to hell didn’t open.  We all walked in and it was actually pretty uneventful.  The old ladies welcomed me back and, I’ll admit, I was a bit standoffish.  I’m not going to be a “walking shrine for hire” or even an “ark for hire”.  I just want to be Lily.

Until she got recognized.

Some guy walked up to her and started yelling and screaming that someone like her shouldn’t be attending his church, and don’t we know what she did, and how dare she?

She just sat there, while he, in front of his wife and kids, berated her.  She was very calm, and I didn’t understand how.  Both Joe and I wanted to pick that guy up and carry him out, but she called us off.  “I can deal with this,” she said, softly.

Finally, after he wore himself out and the pastor was coming up to deal with it, she just said seven words.

“How do you know what I did?”

He turned red.  His wife looked at her calculatedly.  “What did you do?”

“Up until a few days ago, I was an adult model.  Your husband here,” and she looked pointedly at him, “was probably one of my fans.  Hmm.  What was your nick anyway?”  And she recited a pretty dirty nickname, which he immediately responded to.  He turned even redder, because, apparently, she knew her fans, and remembered his nick.  Though, she did tell me later it was just an educated guess.  Good guess!

“Yeah, you paid for quite a few, umm…  things,” she said, softly, with emphasis.  “Does your wife know how much money you gave me that should have gone to them?”  And she looked at the kids, who didn’t seem to know what was going on, and thankfully.

“Anyway,” she said, “I gave it up.  I deleted the whole thing a few days ago.  I’m, umm… turning over a new leaf, I guess?  God, or at least I think it was God, gave me a second chance.  Maybe your wife will give you one too.”  She shrugged.  “I wouldn’t.”

His wife looked at her with loathing, but looked at him with a fiery loathing that caused parts of him to shrink you couldn’t even see, grabbed him by the ear, and dragged him out of the church, the kids following along confusedly.

‘Bye!,” she waved, cheerfully.  “Thanks for all the support!”

And then, after they all left, she sat down and burst into tears.

The pastor looked at me, then her.  “I hate to ask,” he said.  “Will you give a testimony?”

And that’s when I lost it.  I told the pastor that he could have at least waited for her to stop crying, and that’s why I stopped going in the first place, and while he’s a nice person and has always treated us pretty well, his one huge flaw is that he doesn’t care about individual people nearly as much as he cares about his church as a whole, and…  I was ramping up to go Claire Huxtable on him, Sabby-style.

And she stopped me with a hand on my arm.

“Yes, I will,” she said, sniffling.

I just crossed my arms.  “Fine,” I said.  “If you want.  But,” and I looked at the pastor, “I’ll never come back again.  Not while you do stuff like this.  It’s just like what you did to me, but at least you asked her,” I said bitterly.

So the services started.  Sabby was kind of giving me the stink eye, but I didn’t care.  You know how everyone stands up and sings and sits 22down and stuff?  I just sat there.  I didn’t move, I didn’t talk, I didn’t speak.  She did stand up, and she did give her testimony.  And…  she just had to bring me up.

I mean… I guess, how could she not?  I’m an integral part of the story.

I’m not mad at her.  She was truthful.  She didn’t lie, she didn’t prevaricate, she didn’t pull punches, and she didn’t exaggerate either.  I am what I am and I did what I did..  And I still think it was entirely inappropriate, far too soon, and the pastor was, well, I’m done with him now.

He’s done a lot for me – for us.  I probably wouldn’t have found my family without him, Crystal wouldn’t be where she is without him, and I’m grateful for that…  but…  that was out of line.  Very, very, very out of line.

As she turns out, though… she thinks Jesus was talking to her, through me.  Eh?  Dang, I wish she hadn’t said that.  Now it’ll even be worse.

After services, I just walked out of the narthex, right out to the parking lot, went right to the car, and waited for everyone else.

Sabby was pretty upset at me.  I don’t care.  I’m right.  Dave actually more took my side, which was lucky for me, because they spent most of their time arguing with each other than scolding me.  She got a few licks in on me too but I didn’t care.  I’m right.

Anathema will probably go back.  That’s fine.  I won’t hold it against her.  But I won’t.  Never again.  Even if the pastor apologizes, gets on his knees, and begs.. I don’t think I’d go back.

The girls came over this afternoon and we practiced.  It didn’t feel right.  But we did it anyway.  Sometimes you just gotta bust through and do it.  Right?  Crystal really is improving.  I’m actually kind of amazed.

I don’t like being an ark.  A walking shrine.  A prophetess.  Whatever the heck I am, I hate it.  I don’t want to be it anymore.

Anyway, Jack and I went out, tonight.  I wasn’t very good company.  He was just glad to be spending time with me.  I don’t deserve that boy…  that man.  Maybe…  maybe there are lot of things I don’t deserve.

Anathema and I are still talking.  she’s not mad at me and I’m not mad at her.  But…  I’m not going to support her in that way ever again.  She doesn’t understand.  But I’ll only tell her if she asks.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And… ummm…

So…  the Anathema drama isn’t quite done.  She came over today to talk to me.  I had to leave for class and she needed to get ready for work, but… she wanted to talk to me.  So…  I made some time.

She wanted to know why I was so upset at the pastor.

So… I told her.  How he took advantage of me, and tricked me into going up on stage…  and how something took over and, well.. how unhappy I was with what he had done.

She thought for a bit.

“I…  see why you’d be upset,” she said.  “And he did do something similar to me.  I see why you would think he was being insensitive.  He, well… I guess he was, in a way.  You’re not wrong…”

She thought for a bit.

“But you’re kinda being selfish, aren’t you?”

Oh, that did it.  I just about went all Claire Huxtable on her.  But…  I said “just about”.

“What do you mean?”, I said.  “And you’d better make this count, because them’s fighting words.”  I don’t remember where I learned that turn of phrase.  Dave, maybe?

I guess the truth of what I said was obvious, because she gulped.  “Well,” she said, “You’re a ‘walking shrine’, or an ‘ark’, or something.  Sometimes someone, someone with apparently great power, at the very least the power to change lives with a word, talks and acts through you.  Do you know anyone else who has these abilities?”

I shook my head slowly.  “No,” I said, not liking where this was going.  “As far as I know, I’m the only one in the world.”

She sighed.  “I understand you not wanting the attention.  And you’re right to protect yourself.  I mean, if anyone knows what it’s like to get unwanted attention and have to protect yourself…  I’ve got a very, very gorgeous sergeant in the military who comes over every night after work to sweep my apartment, and… “, she got a dreamy look in her eyes.  “Where was I… oh.  Anyway, I know what that feels like.  But you’ve gone beyond protecting yourself… you’re actively withholding your abilities  You can change peoples’ lives.  Something… someone… has chosen you, given you a gift…  and you’re squandering it.  Because you don’t want to share it.”

I sighed and leaned back.  This girl was about to give me a headache.  Or a stroke.

“let me ask you this – if someone else, not the pastor, came over and asked you to do something to help them, what would you do?”

“I’d…. I’d…” I shrank.  “I’d slam the door in their face.”

“You’d…. slam the door in their face.”

I nodded.

She stood up.

“Selfish,” she said, softly, and rubbed my head.  “I can’t say I wouldn’t feel the same in your position.  But…  your abilities…  they don’t belong to you.  And you don’t have the right to hold them back like you’re doing.  You’re…  throwing something beautiful away.”  She blinked a few times.  “And I know what throwing something beautiful away, is.”

She kissed my forehead.

“Think about it, lil sis.”

And she left.

Lil sis.

Lil…  sis…

Imouto-chan….

Oh my god.

I went upstairs, and I took out the Lycoris Radiata – you know, the one I found on my chest one night.  And I looked at it, I mean, really looked at it.  It was still warm, it was still kind of comforting, it still shone with an unexplainable inner light.

Selfish.

That word reverberated through my head all day, through class, through dinner, through everything.  Selfish.

It’s still reverberating now.  And the Lycoris Radiata is sitting on my shelf, both comforting me and silently judging me.

Well…  I guess I can’t be too mad at her.  I mean, well… I started it.

Liz is over tonight.  I’m not sure I’m very good company.  But we’re having an okay time anyway.  Yuki’s coming over tomorrow to plan our trip.  I guess she has some stuff to talk to me about.

Love you all!!! ❤️

I guess.  Not like I’m showing it.