Series: 23 - May 2023

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

And boy, what an awful day.

First of all, Sabby read my diary last night, and I got another long talk, but for a different reason.  She was upset because I said that I was afraid that they’d, well… drop me.  You know, annul the adoption.  Or just kick me out.  She and Dave sat me down and told me that no matter how much I screw up that will never, ever happen.  Dave said that he was so angry with me because I’m his daughter, and no daughter of his is going to behave that irresponsibly and get away with it.

Sometimes I feel like I’m easily thrown away, I guess.  Because, well… I was.  Twice.

But it’s always nice to hear them say it.

So…  things are settling down a bit.  Jack said his parents had a long talk with him too, and…  well, they see things a bit differently, but told him that if he ever does get me pregnant he’d damn well better see it through, and they’re not going to bail him out.  Actually, his parents have been pretty consistent about that.  They were nice about it, but…  they’ve always been pretty clear about where the line is.  We didn’t cross it, but… too close, I guess.

And I was getting a little uncomfortable too…

Anyway, I’m still grounded, but I guess things are okay now.  Dave and Sabby didn’t apologize, but they did say they were probably a little hard on me.  Seems to be a pattern lately.  But I guess it’s because they care about me.  That’s something, I suppose.

Anyway, after all that, we went to classes, and this evening we got a lot farther putting the engine together.  It’s almost ready to put back in the car.

It was a rough weekend, though.  I’m fighting off a bit of depression, too. Maybe it’s just, well… you know.  But maybe it’s… events, too.  Sigh.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Maybe…  maybe it’s that time of the month.  Maybe it’s all the events that happened over the past few days.  Maybe…  maybe a lot of things.  But I’ve been depressed today.

I’m not usually depressed.  I’m a pretty happy girl!  But I’m pretty depressed right now.  I don’t really feel like doing anything.  I just want to sit here and be a lily-vegetable.  Maybe a hamster would find me tasty?

But life… it kinda sucks right now.

Ai doesn’t think so, though.  It’s golden week in Japan and they’re having a good time!  She’s told me about all the fun stuff they’re doing, like fireworks and festivals.  She gorged herself on takoyaki.  Don’t blame her, it’s pretty good.

Beth gave me a hug today.  She told me that after seeing the last couple of days…  she’s not sure she wants a boyfriend.  She still has that guy she likes and she’s still dating him, but she doesn’t want Dave and Sabby as angry with her as they were with me. I don’t blame her.  I don’t want that either.

Jack and I need to have a long talk.  I’m not leaving him!  Perish the thought!  But… we still need to have a long talk.  But I’m waiting until I’m not depressed.  I’m in no mood for that kind of discussion right now.

Even if I’m depressed, life goes on, though, I guess.  We got the engine back in the car.  We’ll put all the stuff back on it over the next couple of days, then see if it starts!

And I have a rehearsal with the orchestra leader in a couple of weeks, so… no time for depression I guess.  Practicing to be done.

Okay.  The wall’s not going to stare at itself.

Love you all!!! ❤

… but not really loving me all that much right now.

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

I guess I’m feeling a little better.  I’m still pretty down but life goes on, I guess.  It happens.

We got the engine mostly connected back up today, just a little more work to do.  But it’s not too hard.  Just a lot of getting idirty and tightening bolts and plugging in pluggy things.  I practiced a lot today, though I guess my heart wasn’t in it, I still have to do it.  Went to classes with Beth, stopped over at the shop (Katie gave me a big hug), and went to the doctor.  Yeah, Sabby got me an emergency appointment and, well…  no babies happening now.

The way she put it is “you know the rules but you’re teenagers and I’m not going to be a grandmother before my time.”

Sigh.  Oh well.  I hear it helps with zits.

I kind of argued saying we didn’t do anything that would be a really high risk, but I kind of knew how stupid it was when it came out of my mouth.  I mean, after all.

Oh well.

Ai’s gushing about Golden Week.  Apparently she went to fireworks with the guy she’s interested in, and he held her hand and gave her a headpat.  I don’t know what it is about Japanese girls and headpats, but it seemed to mean a lot to her.

I told Rebecca and her friends about all the goings on on the groupchat, and she was kind of quiet.  They seem impressed that I can rebuild an engine though.  She’s really not the type to get her perfectly manicured hands dirty.  I think Britni might, though.

Anyway… life goes on, I suppose.  Life always goes on.

I don’t know what it is about the weather this year, but more storms tomorrow.  At this rate, the drought will be gone!  Wow!!!

Liz is over tonight.  It’s a school night so no games or fun, but she thought I needed a little Chinese doll to hug tonight… and darned if she’s not right.  I’d usually get a smack for that, but she knows how I’m feeling, so she’s going with it tonight.

Okay, bedtime.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Darth Lily!

Haha!!!

Apparently today is May 4th, Which, because 4th sounds like force, is Star Wars day!

I watched Star Wars with the family a while ago.

It’s an okay movie.  But I don’t understand why people nerd out about it so much.

Darth Vader is scary though!

David was running around swinging a wooden stick like a lightsaber and going “buzz buzz”.  He wanted to have a lightsaber war with me but I just looked at him.  He went off to find Beth.

She wasn’t any more up to it.

Dave took pity on him and they were clanking and buzzing all over the house, until Sabby told them to cut it out.

It’s getting warm now!  And it looks like no storms tonight after all.  Aww.  But considering one down south that’s dropping baseballs, well, may be better off.  Hail isn’t anything to mess with!!!

Oh! I didn’t tell you!  The car started!!!  We had to run it at a certain RPM so that it would seat the rings, but now it’s fine!  We just have to break it in a little.  I whooped when it started!!!

And now I know how an engine works.  Way, way too well, actually.  It was fun.  I kind of enjoyed it.  I don’t think I want to do it again.  Dave said that’s fine, at least I got the experience.  Being a mechanic isn’t for me!  But at least I’ll know when some mechanic’s trying to cheat me because I’m pretty.

I’m not an airhead!!!

I don’t know too many airheads.

Well, one, anyway.

Even cat-girl… she’s, ummm…  cat-girl, but she’s pretty smart.  She just really like to, well, use her body for things, and I guess she does pretty well with it.  I mean, after all, we hire her, right?  She said she has one of those, well, accounts.  I told her I didn’t want to know.  She said I could probably make a lot of money.  I told her I already make plenty of money, and besides, I’m seventeen, what is she trying to imply?  She hasn’t brought it up again.  Cat-girl is cat-girl, but she’s also an employee, so…  have to be careful.  Or so they tell me.

Speaking of money…  the shop is still doing well.  But not quite as well as it was.  I guess we’re a bit of a victim of the economic downturn too.  But people still stop by in the morning on the way to work, and Mother’s Day is coming up too, and we’re doing pretty brisk business with cake orders and stuff.  So, it could be worse.  We’re doing alright.  But Sabby and I are having lots of talks about where to take the business next.  Guess we’ll see.

Alright.  Bedtime. Marie’s whining and wants to go out before bed.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

So today was hot and humid.  I mean, soupy hot and humid.  The weather was clear and hazy, and..  hot!!!

But not anymore!  Storms are coming!!!  And they’ll be here soon!  I already let Marie out, so let it storm!!!

Liz is over tonight.  Beth is over at Crystal’s house with Diana, so it’s just Liz and I.  I don’t mind.  I’m supposed to be grounded, but…  I’m not sure what I’m grounded from.  I can have Liz over, I really don’t go out with friends and do lots of stuff… I can’t really see Jack but we talk a lot online, so…  nothing really changed.  I guess it’s just the principle of the thing.

Anyway, the booms are coming closer.  Liz seems a little nervous, I might have to be her big teddy bear tonight.  I don’t mind.  She was my little china doll a couple days ago.

I love Liz.  Did I tell you that?  I do.  She and I aren’t really alike in some ways, we are in others, but we’ve been there for each other ever since we met a couple of years ago.  Remember when she was so upset at her parents and that led to them kind of informally adopting me?  Her home life got at least a little better after that.  And remember how I accompanied her at her concert?  She really appreciated that.  And how I wouldn’t have met Jack if it weren’t for her?  She’s always been really understanding when it came to my spending time with Jack.  I wonder why everyone’s so understanding, actually.  Maybe it’s a Chinese thing.  But we’re always there for each other and she’s my best friend.  And I’ll have other friends and half-sisters and friends of half-sisters and all sorts of things, but she’ll always be, if not my best friend, one of my best friends.  She’s like a sister I get to choose, and those are the best kinds.  Don’t you think.

Oh crap, that boom was loud.  Liz whimpered a little.  She’s a little bit afraid of storms, especially big ones like this one.  I guess I need to go do my teddy bear duties now.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

They forecasted storms!  And they didn’t happen!   Yaaaayyy!!!!  Well…  sort of.  We can still use the rain.

But not storms like last night!!!

We went to bed and Liz was all cuddled up to me and even shaking a little.  I didn’t know she was that scared!  But it was a pretty bad storm.  I just hugged her and we fell asleep.  She’s noplat all that cuddly but storms seem to bring the cuddly out in her.

No hail thankfully but lots of loud thunder and lightning.  Aww.

They got it worse up north, though.  I saw this morning that a storm went south over Burnet, took a u-turn, and went over it again!  Weird!!!

So anyway, it was hot today too,, but no storms.

So in things that aren’t weather, I made a Youtube today!!!  It’s the first time in a long time!  I think it was pretty good!  What’s it about?  Well, you’ll have to go see!!!  Haha!!!  Liz and I wanted to go to the mall, but I’m grounded (I guess that does mean something) so we just played games and ate chocolate.  I could think of worse things to spend a day doing!  She also got her violin and we rehearsed for her concert.  It went pretty well.  Then she listened to me play my concerto, and she was pretty impresse.d.  I still have work to do on it, but it’s going pretty well!

Liz and Marie get along so well now, whenever she comes over, Marie climbs all over her and then falls asleep in her lap.  It’s cute, but then Liz has to get up and Marie looks all put out!  Hahaha!!!  “I was comfortable, human!!!”

Okay, guess it’s bedtime.  Liz is staying over again tonight, but probably a little less cuddly.  No storms!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Well… it’s a Sunday, I guess.

Liz went home this morning and we went to church.  It was just church.  Stand up, sit down, sing, stand up, sit down, say some stuff, pastor does his preachy thing, then we get chocolate pancakes.

I almost forgot, though – today is Grace’s birthday!  But thankfully Dave and Sabby didn’t.  I got her a last minute gift and we went to one of those kiddy fun places where she had a pizza party.  She invited all of her school friends and everyone had a blast.  Except one of the kids was just awful.  You know, the kind of kid that just thinks he can do anything he wants?  He was trying to make Grace’s day miserable.  Finally I just told him to sit down, shut up, and stop picking on Grace.

He swore at me and told me in no uncertain terms what to do with myself.

Sabby overheard.  She came over and asked him where his mother is.

He said she dropped him off there and went shopping.

Sabby went Claire Huxtable.  In her dead calm voice, she said “what’s her phone number?”

“I don’t have to tell you.”

Sabby got even calmer.  “I’ll ask you one more time.  What’s her phone number?”

“I don’t -“

She just stared at him, with her patented number four glare.

He told her.

Sabby called up his mother and told her to come and get her child right now or her next call was going to be CPS for abandoning her child without telling anyone.  Sabby just kept using her dead calm voice, you could hear the screaming through the phone.  She just kept quietly saying “come get your child.  Now.”

Finally she hung up.  A few minutes later a woman came storming through the door yelling.

“Which one of you told me to get my child?”

“I did.  Please take your child and leave.”

“You can’t tell me how to parent my child!”

A manager stepped in at that point.  “No, but we can tell you you’re not welcome here.  We saw how your child was treating everyone else.  She’s right.  Leave.”

Sigh.  Why do I have to run into all the karens.

Anyway, she finally left, and not kidding, everyone applauded.  I’m sure the lady heard it.  Well, after that, everyone had fun.  Grace had a cake and got her presents, then they started running around playing arcade games.  It looked fun!  I would have too…  but Jack was there.

Of course we could touch or anything, but we could talk.

He apologized.

I asked him if he knew what he was apologizing for.

He said he wouldn’t have liked it much if I’d disrespected his beliefs.

I asked him what his beliefs are.

He said he doesn’t really have any but he still wouldn’t have liked it much, and he shouldn’t have done it to me.

I gave him a hug.  Of course he hugged me back.  I miss him.

But we still have some stuff to discuss, I think.

Just because I have those pills doesn’t mean that things are… safe.

But that’s for later, I guess.  It was just nice watching Grace running around and having a blast.  Even David was joining in on the fun a bit.  Oh, his birthday is next week, too!!!

Anyway, a six year old’s birthday party is really fun.  I should know more five year olds so we can have more parties!  Hahaha!!!

Anyway, back to the grind tomorrow, I guess.

The waterpark opens in a couple of weeks!!! Yay!!!

Okay…  gotta go to bed now.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So remember that karen yesterday?  Jack told me that she went to Grace’s school and complained about getting kicked out of her party.  She demanded… well, it wasn’t clear what she was demanding, but she demanded something.  The principal said that he had no ability to control what happens off school grounds.  Well, as it goes with karens the world over, that didn’t sit well, and, well, she was eventually trespassed from the school.  Her kid wasn’t, but she’s not allowed to go in anymore without permission in advance.

Some people.

Grace is six!  Allison is turning ten!  David is turning eleven!  Everyone’s getting big!!!  And, of course, I’m only a few months away from being 18.

Me… being 18.  I don’t feel like I’m about to turn 18.  Sometimes I feel like that lost fourteen year old girl sitting in my room crying my eyes out because I don’t have a family or anyone.  Sometimes I feel like that lost fourteen year old girl that Sabby took on a shopping trip, when I had no more tears left and all I could do was just walk around like a zombie.  But… look at me now!  I’m so different!  But… but I’m still the same.  Still lost, sometimes.  Still so very lost.

But found too, I guess.  I always say that I was found by the side of the road.  Because I was!  I was walking down the road and they found me!  And a lot of people took care of me, and I ended up with Dave and Sabby…  and they took care of me.  The doctors took care of me, the church and the pastor took care of me (that’s how I found Dave and Sabby… or they found me), and the social workers took care of me.. an.d.. .and even my “benefactor” somehow.  Even though I don’t have any idea who he or she is, they still helped me to get the trust fund that I didn’t know I would have gotten (and apparently some people tried to take from me), and they greased the wheels a little behind the scenes in ways I don’t understand.  And Liz, my best friend, found me too… or I found her… and now she’s my little china doll and I’m her teddy bear and sometimes when she’s sleeping over and it’s storming I”ll pull her slightly shaking body to me, and she relaxes and we go to sleep.  She tells me that she feels safe when I do that, like no storm can touch her.  And for her part… well… she’s really warm and feels like a big, nice smelling, heated pillow.

That’s the sweetest thing, don’t you think?

I hope she finds the same with her boyfriend.

She’s not really afraid of all storms, but this is Texas, and some storms, well, they’re scary.

But the point being, I’m lost, but I’m found too.  We’re all growing up.  Life ebbs and life flows and soon I’ll begin the next chapter of my life.  Whatever that is.

But I’ve got everyone I care about and everyone who loves me, so…  so it’s good.  Right?  It’s good.

Some days, though…  I have to tell myself that.  Over and over.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And today was boringly boring.

But I’d rather have boringly boring, I think.  The past few days haven’t been all that fun.

So the car’s all put back together now and Dave’s driving it around to break the engine in and let the rings seat.  So that’s good.  I didn’t screw it up as far as I know.  Dave said it would have been cheaper to just buy a crate engine and put it in, but then I wouldn’t have learned anything.  He’s right.  I guess education does cost, right?  It always costs something, either money, or time…

The business has been going pretty well, though I haven’t been around much.  The two bakers are really killing it!  One has been doing baked goods, the other has been doing lunch items like gourmet sandwiches, that kinda thing.  We’re transitioning from just a cookie shop to a cookie and lunch shop, and people have been coming in at lunch and even dinner time to pick up a quick, healthy, but really tasty snack.  It’s really working out!

And,, of course, cat-girl is, well, being cat-girl.  We keep having to reign her in from being too revealing or.. other things.  I forget if I mentioned it, but we caught her in back with a customer she thought was “cute”.  She’s lucky she didn’t get fired for that.  After she pulled everything back on, Sabby took her into the back office and had a “come-to-Jesus”, as she puts it, with her.  One more thing like that and she’s out, and she’s really lucky she got that second chance… but truthfully, she makes us way too much money.  We’re keeping her if we can, but she sure doesn’t make it easy sometimes.

Thankfully anime-girl and skintight-girl are getting almost as popular.  Hiring some mini-cat-girls was a really good idea.

The thing is, she doesn’t really mean to cause trouble.  She’s not an awful person, or mean, in fact, she’s usually pretty happy and cheerful, and customers love her (especially that one) – and she’s pretty smart.  She just… loves using her body and has zero impulse control.

Katie’s really starting to show now.  In lieu of pregnancy leave, she’s got carte blanche to eat whatever she wants, and…  well…  she sure is.  Remember how I always say chocolate fixes everything?  Well, fixes cravings too, apparently.

Things are humming along, I guess, and that’s good.  I should be more involved, but classes and, well, drama is a bit more important.  Plus I have a lot of practicing do to.  It’s a hard piece!!!  I’ve been spending a couple of hours a day trying to get it right.  I’ve almost got the first movement down.  That ending!!!

Okay…  I should sleep now.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

And it’s boringly boring today, too!!!

It didn’t even rain!  Though they’re saying we should fix that this weekend.  So much rain…

But as I keep saying, we need the rain.  Rain is good.  Especially in central Texas.

I put Allison’s birthday present together today!  Plus I got David’s too.  Sabby let me go to the mall to get what I needed.  I guess family is more important than grounding.  I think she’ll like it – and you know David’s really easy to please.  Yeah, you can probably guess what I got him.

So I spent today going to class and practicing.  Pretty much nothing else.  That’s not too hard a piece, but it has its moments!  I’ve pretty much got the first movement down, now I’m working on the third!  All those notes!  Especially at the end!!!  Sometimes Sabby just watches me play, shakes her head, and walks off.  I asked her what she’s thinking, and she said it just seems to come so easy to me.  She’s always wanted to play, and never was any good at it.

I told her I play piano, and she makes cookies.  She’s like the Mozart of cookies.

That seemed to make her feel better.

But the thing is, I don’t know if it comes easy to me.  Maybe I practiced for hours and hours since I was three and just don’t remember it!  So…  maybe that’s not fair.  But… maybe it is.  I don’t know.

My teacher told me to have an encore ready too, just in case.  So I’ll just do a Beethoven Sonata or something.  Pfft.  I’ll just do a Beethoven sonata.  Some people really struggle with those.

I’m tired.  And I’m starting to practice in my sleep.  Aww.

Marie and Cat are funny, though.  When I practice, they come around and sit next to the piano and just listen.  It’s the cutest thing.

Anyway, speaking of which, gotta go to bed.  Marie’s whining.

Love you all!!! ❤