Series: 04 - October 2021

 Hi!  It’s me!  Your favorite Lily!  Unless I’m not!  Then I’m your second favorite Lily!  If I’m your third favorite, then you know a lot of Lilies!

So today I had to go to the courthouse and take a deposition against that guy.  They took a while to get everything together, but Sabby and I went down and did it.  Apparently they don’t really need my in person testimony, as they have the cameras, and they didn’t want to force me to confront him.  I would have been happy to, but maybe it’s better that I don’t.  Apparently he had a record of this kind of thing, but this time they had more evidence than just “he said she said” and they’re able to nail him to the wall.  The other lawyer tried to hurt my credibility, but didn’t seem to be trying very hard. Also, we had the court hearing for that karen who grabbed me in the grocery store.  We did it over Zoom, which was nice.  I dressed up all professional and told them what happened, and then the other lawyer tried to poke holes in my testimony, but how can you poke holes in “she grabbed my arm”?  They tried to say that Sabby assaulted her, but that got shut down really fast, because they had video evidence.  Don’t know why I couldn’t have just signed a complaint like the other time, but I guess it worked out.  She was sentenced to community service and a suspended sentence.  If looks could kill, but oh well.

So I’m glad those things are out of the way.  Hopefully I never have to deal with them again.

David is still in so much trouble, Sabby and Dave seem intent on making a point.  They were willing to let his behavior go when they didn’t think he was getting in trouble, but now that they know he was, he’s toast.  They’ve even got Beth and me tutoring him, which, frankly, no one is happy with, but I guess I can see why.  I guess I don’t mind.  But I’m going into teacher Lily mode, and telling him he’d better listen to me or I’m going to Sabby.  I’m not his favorite person right now, but I guess I should get in line, no one in this family is his favorite person right now.  And I think the feeling is mutual.  Sabby loves him as a mother, but she’s not too keen on him right now, and is making sure he knows it.  Heck, he’s got dishes duty.  Even though we have a dishwasher, still.

Beth and I are getting the fringes of it, Sabby is really cranky, but we’re okay.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!!!

Today was boring!  Boringly boring!  David is still in deep doo-doo, he’ll be lucky to get any of his electronics back before he’s 30!  I hope he learns something!  Otherwise, it’s been cooling down a little bit!  Yay!

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like to have my memories!  I look at little ones like Allison, and I feel a little lost, because she is such a happy girl, and I don’t remember what it’s like to be happy like that.  And Sabby was talking about kissing Beth’s owies and putting bandaids on them, and I don’t remember my owies being kissed!  It seems like a nice thing!  Sometimes I’m glad I don’t have my memories, and sometimes I’m sad.  I wish I could remember!  It’s nice to see little ones all happy and well taken care of and loved, but did someone love me?  Did someone kiss my owies and tuck me into bed and take me on vacations that I thought I’d remember forever, and don’t?  I don’t mind most of the time, but it makes me feel cheated sometimes.  Like there’s something I had and I lost, but I don’t even remember what I lost, much less what I had.

It hurts.

But what do I do?  Do I sit here all pouty and think about everything I lost?  Or do I think about everything I’ve gained?  Would I know Sabby and Dave and Beth and Liz and even David if I hadn’t lost my memory?  Would I have a nice family I live with and who adopted me and who love me?  Maybe I would, but I don’t know!  I don’t know anything!

I wish someone would tell me, though!  I wish someone would knock on the door, who looks like me, and tell me I’m their long lost daughter and they’ve been looking for me everywhere, and they would come in, and talk to all of us, and tell me what happened to me.  And we’d hug and they’d give me pictures and promise that I could see them whenever I wanted and I’d have a whole different family, too.  And…

And.  I’m crying now.

It doesn’t bother me a lot.  But I’m human!  I’m a Lily, but I’m human!  And being human hurts sometimes!

Anyway, I need to go huddle beneath the blankets and cry it out.  I’m sorry.  I’m not a bubbly, happy Lily tonight.  Maybe tomorrow.

Love you all, anyway!  ❤️

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

After I wrote the last post, I just went into my room and huddled under the blankets and cried.  I guess Beth heard me because I felt someone climb in next to me and wrap their arms around me.  I couldn’t help it, and I cried harder.  She didn’t say anything, I don’t think I’d have wanted to, but she let me bury my head in her chest and just stroked my hair as I cried it out.

I have a sister.

And I guess that’s my answer, really.  I hate not being able to remember, I hate not having the memories of being a child, of having my owies kissed, but I have a sister I wouldn’t have met otherwise.  A sister who lets me bury my head in her chest and cry it out, who doesn’t say anything to me and just lets me cry, who doesn’t mind if I make her pajamas all sloppy with my ugly crying.  Only afterwards did she ask me what was wrong.

I just looked up at her and made myself a little more comfortable, and said “Nothing.”

“But,” she said, “You were ugly crying, all over me.  It can’t be nothing!”

I smiled at her and wiped the tears out of my eyes.  “It was something, but it’s nothing now.”

She looked at me confused.

I reached up and stroked her hair.  “You’re my sister,” I said, as if that explained everything.

She still looked confused.

“I was sad because I didn’t have my memories and I can’t remember my family.  But…  I wouldn’t know you,” I said, quietly, and cupped her face with my hand.  “So nothing’s wrong anymore.”

Finally she nodded.  “Are you okay?”

“I am now,” I said.  I yawned.  “But I’m tired.”

She sat up and let me put my head in her lap.  “God knows you’ve been there for me,” she said.  “Go ahead and sleep.  I brought a book.”  She opened the book with one hand and started reading, while she stroked my hair with her other.

I giggled.  “That is so you, Beth.”  She laughed quietly.

And I slept.  Every now and then she’d remove her hand to flip a page, but otherwise, I was just lulled into a peaceful haze of post-cry sleepiness.  And it was wonderful.

I’m still a little sad.  But I have Beth.  It turned out okay.

It started raining and storming a little later that night.  Beth’s lap was so warm and safe.  I never even noticed.

Love you all!!!  And especially Beth!!! ❤️

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

I’m feeling a lot better now.  I guess I had to get that out of my system.  It’s hard for people to understand, especially because I’m such a happy and bubbly person, that I… do have problems.   Mine is a memory issue.  I don’t have it.  It is something I lost, and I miss it sometimes.  But Beth and Sabby and Dave and Liz help.  They’re my new family.  I just wish I knew my old one, sometimes.

It was a weekend.  I worked, I doot dooted, the family went to church but I went to work.  I don’t mind.  Church can be okay but I prefer working.  Even if there’s a karen or two.  After I got home yesterday I decided it was time I learn to ride a bike.  I’ve been talking about that for a long time!  So I got some kneepads that were sitting around in the garage, and Dave took me out on Sabby’s old bike, and I wibbled and wobbled all over the place.  It took an hour or two, but I think I got it!  I just need to do a bit more practice.  I want to learn how to drive, but at least I can wibble and wobble over to work and feel just a little bit safer.  Beth doesn’t like running, but maybe she and I can go riding too!

I did fall once or twice.  Sabby tells me I’m lucky I have young bones, and the kneepads kept me from getting scraped up, but owie!  And you know what?  Sabby kissed my owie!  I know I’m not little, but the thought was nice.  And the skin wasn’t broken, so it wasn’t even gross.  I guess she’d been reading my blog.  She tells me she did see me sleeping with my head on Beth’s lap, and she just smiled to herself and walked on.  She said it was adorable.  It was so like us!  Me sleeping, and Beth reading!

I don’t know if I’ve ever described Beth.  I don’t know if she wants me to post a picture of her, but she has light chocolate skin, with long, a little frizzy hair, and a pretty face.  She’s still got a bit of baby fat but she’s tall so it doesn’t look bad on her.  Not as tall as me, though.  Where I’m kinda tall and lanky, she’s just a little shorter with a little more cushion on her.  But she doesn’t mind.  She says she’s not fat and it’s nice to have a little padding, like when she’s riding a bike.  Maybe someday she’ll want to be a bit more toned but right now she’s just enjoying reading and not worrying too much about what other people think.  I’m trying to get her to run, but she refuses.  That’s why I hope I can ride a bike with her someday.  She does seem to enjoy that.  Oh, don’t get me wrong, I think she’s pretty and not fat at all!  But it never hurts to be a little more healthy, right?  But maybe I take that a little far.

Anyway, school tomorrow.  It was a boring weekend, I guess, but who needs excitement every day!

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So this afternoon I was walking by David’s room, and he called me in.  He didn’t sound at all sure of himself.  I walked in and sat down next to him.

“What did I do wrong?”, he said.

He didn’t know?

“I didn’t do anything my friends on the games don’t do.  No one got hurt.  I don’t know what I did wrong.”

I thought.  He is little.  And maybe this is a teachable moment.

“Why don’t you ask your mother?”

He put his head down.  “She’s so mad at me.  I can’t ask her.  And I can’t ask Beth.  She hates me.  You’re the only one I can ask.”

I sighed.  “David, you have to understand that in this world you just can’t do anything you want, and just because everyone else is doing it doesn’t mean it’s right.”

“But how do I know what’s right?”

“Would you have liked it if someone did to you what you did to other people?  Would you like it if someone got your Internet disconnected by doing that kind of thing?”

He shook his head.

“Then why should other people like it when you do it?”

His head stayed down.

“Do you understand what you did wrong now?”

“I did things to people that I wouldn’t have liked if they were done to me.”

I nodded.

“Why didn’t mom or dad tell me this?”

“They’re trying to teach you how to behave so you don’t get in trouble.  All they’ll do is put you in your room, take your electronics, and make you do schoolwork.  When you get older…  people will do a lot worse.”  I frowned.  “It’s not easy for them, you know.  They don’t like having to do this kind of thing.”

“Mom seems to like it.”

“She doesn’t.”

“How do you know?”

I thought.  “Ask her.  She’s angry.  She has a right to be angry.  But you’re her child.  She’ll talk to you if you go to her.”  I paused.  “She loves you.  She loves all of us. That’s why she gets so angry.”

He was quiet.  I got up, tousled his hair, and left.  Hopefully he, Dave, and Sabby can talk it out.  My business?  Not really.  But he did ask.

Maybe this will blow over soon.  I hope so.  It’s been tense here.

Love you all!!!  ❤️

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So I was talking to Beth today, and she told me something I hadn’t noticed.  A lot of girls her age don’t seem to have a sense of humor.  She tries to tell them jokes and they just look at her with that look only a teenage girl who thinks you’re an idiot can give you.  She tries to be funny and they just tell her she’s embarrassing.  They’re always worried about their parents “embarrassing” them.  I hadn’t really noticed, but now that she brings it up, I remember seeing that sometimes for myself, at school.  My friends aren’t like that but many girls are.  I don’t understand it!  I really don’t!  I mean I understand not wanting to embarrass yourself, but what fun is life if you can’t laugh at it?  Dave pranks me all the time, and I prank him, I call him a clumsy dad who has pressure-washer accidents, and he calls me a silly girl.  He wakes me up with an ice cube on my hand, and I jump scare him when he comes in the house.  It’s fun!  And he always gives as good as he gets!  Why would I think that’s embarrassing?

But even Liz sometimes apologizes for her parents, she thinks they’re too strict and it embarrasses her.  I can kind of see what she means, but at the same time, they’re her parents and I know they love her.  They buy her nice things and they’re strict because they want her to be successful and find a nice Chinese man and have lots of Chinese children.  Why be embarrassed?  Maybe it’s not what she wants, but they’re not mean or awful.

I think you should have fun with life!  If someone does something funny, just laugh at it.  If you do something embarrassing, just laugh at it.  No one will remember, they’re always more worried about what you think of them then what you do, and if they do they’re awful people anyway.  I like to laugh and have fun, and I like to be around people who laugh and have fun.  It’s fun pranking people, even if they get me back sometimes!!!

I need to go!  I haven’t pranked Dave in a while, Halloween’s coming, and I need to think of a really fun prank for him.   Not telling, Sabby!  You get to find out when he does!!!  And I’ll be nice!  I know I’m about one maid costume away from cleaning the house!  Haha!!

She wouldn’t do that, but it’s still a funny thought.  THAT is the difference between a fun prank and a humiliating prank, and Sabby would never do that.  Right Sabby?  Sabby???  Hee hee.

Oh and I learned something!  Some people think there’s a difference between a red heart ❤️ and a blue heart 💙.  The red heart is supposed to mean love and the blue heart friendship.  Well I don’t care!  So ppppbbbbbttt!! I’m going to use a red heart and I don’t want to have your babies!  So there!!!

Love you all!!!  ❤️  Pbbbbbbbbt neener neener neener

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  Fancypants Lily!

Oh do I have a lot to talk about tonight!  Some of it good, some of it bad, some of it good-bad, some of it bad-good…

So Dave and Sabby and David finally patched it up.  I guess David took my advice and went to Sabby, and they spent an hour talking much more quietly than they have been.  It took them an hour.  But David was finally teachable and wanted to know what he’d done wrong.  He really didn’t know.  But I guess I gave him enough to let him know that he actually did do something wrong.  I guess they rescinded the grounding, mostly, but they’re not letting him play on the computer in his room anymore, and he has to spend an hour a day outside playing.  One of us – Dave, Sabby, Beth, or me has to supervise him while he’s playing.  I guess I don’t mind.  I wanted him to be more like a brother, and maybe it’ll start being more like that now.

Sabby and I had some words, though.

After all of this fleshed out, Sabby came by to tell me how it worked out.  She kind of wasn’t happy with me.

“Lily, why did you talk to David?”

I was confused.  “Because he asked me.”

“But that’s not your place.  You’re not his mother.”

I was a little offended.  “I’m not.  But I’m his sister.  Or did you lie about my adoption?”

“Lily -”

“No, Sabby.  No.  You’re right, I’m not his mother.  But I’ve been wanting to be his sister for a long time, and he’s finally starting to treat me like one.  I’m not going to turn him away when he asks me to be a sister to him.”

She was quiet.  It looked like she was both angry and – hurt.  Finally she deflated.

“No, you’re right.  You’re right.  You’re his sister.  You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“But you’re still angry.”

“I’m not.  I’m not.  I… I guess I am.” she sighed.  “How do you do this?,” she finally said.  “How do you just march into this family, win me over, win Beth over, even now win David over, when I’m having a hard time just teaching my children how to be people?  How did you manage to get through to him what I couldn’t?”

I frowned.  “Sabby, why do you do this to yourself?”

“What do you mean?”

I was quiet for a little while.  “Why didn’t you know that David was doing all the stuff he was doing?”

She frowned.  “Don’t you dare accuse me -“

“I’m not!  You asked me a question.  I’m trying to answer it!  Stop attacking me, Sabby!”

She took a moment to calm down.  “I… I’m sorry, Lily.”

“So why didn’t you?”

“Because I… I didn’t think he could do such a thing.”

“So you were content to just let him be, because it never occurred to you.  And now you don’t know how to handle your image of him being shattered.”

She put her head in her hands at those words.

“I’m such a bad mother…”

“You’re not!!!  Sabby, that’s what mothers are supposed to do!  You’re supposed to defend your children and think the best of them.  And when you find out they’re doing something wrong, you’re supposed to put the fear of God into them!  And you did both!”

“Come here, Lily,” she said and patted the couch next to her.  I sat down, a little carefully.

“I’m so jealous of you sometimes,” she said sadly.

“Of me?,” I said, and chuckled darkly.  “You’re jealous of me?  You, who remember what it’s like to be a little girl, and who has found someone to love, and a family that’s all your own, and… and…. you’re jealous of me?”

“Silly, isn’t it?,” she said.  “But sometimes it feels like you’re a better mother -”

“I’m not!”, I interrupted.  “I’m not!  Stop saying things like that.  I’m a better sister.  But you’re not supposed to be their sister.  You’re supposed to go all Claire Huxtable when your children screw up and tell them to stop talking and why aren’t you answering and stop flinging parts from one end to the other!  You’re supposed to do what you’re doing!  And I’m supposed to be a good role model and treat them well and give them advice when they ask for us!”

“Lily -“

“Could you improve?,” I plowed on.  “Sure!  But I could be a better sister too!  I screw up with David and Beth and you and Dave and even Liz!  Maybe after this you’ll watch David and Beth a little more carefully.  But that just comes with them growing up!  And…  and with you growing up too.”

Sabby was quiet.  “Let me think about that, Lily.  I’m sorrry.  I shouldn’t have gotten angry at you.”

I glomped her.  “No, you shouldn’t.  But I love you, Sabby.  I love this family.  I love all of you.  I love you, and Dave, and Beth, and even David.  I love that you took me in and adopted me and have been so nice to me and… and…  I don’t like it when you feel so bad and start feeling like you’re a bad mother.  I wouldn’t have been nearly as happy with the adoption if I thought you were as bad a mother as you think you are!”  I grabbed her hand.  “Sabby, take me to the ice cream place.  I am going to get us some chocolate.”

“Lily -“

“No.”, I dragged her up off the couch.  “We’re getting chocolate, I’m paying, and we’ll even bring some back for the rest of the family.  But we’re getting chocolate.”  I dragged her towards the door, and she finally relented and yelled out that we were going out for a little while.

Finally, we were in the car, and as we were driving, she looked at me and smiled.  “How did you know?”

“Because chocolate fixes everything,” I said pompously.

She giggled.

Five large chocolate shakes later, we came back to the house, and distributed the chocolatey goodness.  Even Dave got in on the fun (Dave explained a while ago that while men aren’t quite as huge on chocolate as women, they still quite enjoy it, and Dave will quite willingly inhale any chocolate put in front of him).  As we sat there, David went and got a board game, Beth made popcorn and we had an impromptu family night.  And you know what?  It was one of the best family nights ever.  Because David was actually playing games with us, Sabby finally seemed to be relaxing a little, and I realized that sometimes the best families are forged in the flames of jealousy and bitterness and anger and forgiveness and playing games together and eating chocolate and popcorn and just talking to each other.  And maybe someday when I’m thirty and have children of my own, maybe, and a husband and a house and I’ll be sitting at the table playing board games and eating popcorn and drinking a chocolate shake, and I’ll remember the night when Sabby got angry at me, I fed her chocolate, and we all ended up laughing and playing together.  And maybe I’ll tell my children this story and they’ll tell the same story to their children, and, well, Sabby’s a lot better mother than she thinks sometimes.

Later I found the money I thought I’d spent on the shakes in my purse, with a note.  “I still know a few tricks, Lily.  Love, Sabby.”

I giggled and wrote “So do I, Love, Lily” and put it back in her purse.  This could be an amusing game for a little while, until she goes Claire Huxtable on me and tells me if she finds that money back in her purse again…

I love Sabby.  I mean I really love her.  And I love you all too.  ❤️  But you all knew that.  And I love chocolate!!!

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Everything is so much better in the Smith house right now!  It was a hard week but sometimes I guess these things have to happen.  Right?  I’m kind of glad that Dave and Sabby see how bad David’s behavior was, even if that’s what it took to do it.  I don’t blame them, and I don’t hate David!  Not at all!   But they’re forcing David to interact with us more now, and, well, he’s not a bad kid.

This evening we went out bike riding, me, Beth, Liz, and David.  He has his own bike, but I’m the one who rides the worst, so they were nice and didn’t go too fast!  We’re not allowed to go on the frontage road yet, but every other street in the neighborhood is fine.  I know I like to run, but this exercised muscles in my legs I didn’t know I had!  When I run, it does the ones below the knee, I don’t know what they’re called, but when I ride, it does the ones above the knee.  I’m going to have such nice legs!  I know, but I’m a girl!  It’s nice to be pretty!!!  And it’s good core exercise too!

It’s such a pain shaving them, you know!  I kind of remembered how to do it right away after I was found, but it took a while to get into the habit!  But it makes them all nice and smooth, and even better, when I run, it’s less wind resistance!  I know, but every little bit counts, right?  I don’t know why us girls like smooth things, but we do!  Even our chocolate!!

But not so much our boys.  Never trust a smooth boy!  That just means they have a lot of practice being smooth!  Trust the more awkward and sweet ones!  Well, sometimes!!!  Sometimes they have practice being awkward and sweet too!  It’s confusing!  Just don’t trust any you don’t know well!!!

Otherwise, it was a boring day!  Boringly boring!  I ran, I did school, I ate, I did more school, I stopped doing school, I rode a bike with everyone!  It was fun!  After we got home, we cooled down a little, and I had a quick shower.  Then we had dinner!  Sabby always makes the best dinners!  I try to help but unless she’s actively trying to teach me how to make something, she tells me to go away and let her cook!  I think she likes it!  I asked David about his computer stuff, and he actually knows a lot more than I thought he did!  Maybe that’s how he got so good at doing naughty stuff!  I asked him to teach me how to do some things, and Sabby thought that was a great idea.  So I have a computer tutor now!  In return, I have to supervise him on playtime and teach him things I know!  It’s a fair trade!

I’m still catching Liz side-eyeing Dave and Sabby, though, when she thinks we’re not looking.  I need to ask her about that.

Off to brush Beth’s hair!!!  Bye!  Love you all!  My internet schnooky-ookums!  Too much?  Yeah, you’re right.  ❤️

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  Wonderful Lily!  Beautiful Lily!  Intelligent Lily!  Modest Lily!

Well, today didn’t start out too interesting.  I ran, I did all the morning stuff, I ate, I did all the afternoon stuff, but since it was Friday, after she got home from school, Liz came over.  She’s going to spend the night.  Say hi, Liz!

Hi, Liz!

Smart aleck.   Wisegirl.  hah.  Anyway, if you wonder if she knows I post here, well, this should remove all doubt.  She’s watching me post now, and I already asked her, so it’s okay if I post this.   What I’m about to post, I mean.  I don’t know why she’s letting me, but…

I’m tired of hiding

Oh, okay.

Anyway, Liz came over, and after we had a delicious Sabby dinner (which I insisted I be able to help with for once) we watched a movie.  We watched Spanglish.  It’s about a young girl and her mother, and her mother takes a job as a nanny at a wealthy family in Malibu, taking care of her good-hearted but spoiled daughter.  Her daughter starts picking up some mannerisms from the wealthy but dysfunctional family, and finally, after the little girl says “I need some space”, she says “No space between us”, and they leave.  It’s about a girl and her mother, with the subplot of hidden problems in a relationship between the husband and wife of the wealthy family.

About three quarters of the way, Liz starts sniffling, and runs up the stairs.  They pause the movie, and I go to follow her.  I find her in my bedroom, crying her eyes out.

I sat next to her put an arm around her waist, and asked what was wrong.  She leaned into my shoulder and kept crying.  I know enough about dealing with, and being, a crying person that I knew she’d answer in her own time.  Finally she sniffed and started talking.

She told me about how she loves her parents, and they love her, but they’re always so distant, and she’s not even sure why they love her.  Do they love her because she’s their daughter?  Or because she’s their ticket to being taken care of in the future?  She told me about Chinese culture, and how their families tend to be very close-knit, but with everyone knowing what their role is, and she…  her heart is broken.

That….  I don’t know why I didn’t use those words.

And when she sees Dave and Sabby, who are imperfect and clumsy and strict, but warm and loving, and how close our family is, she gets so jealous sometimes and just…

Sometimes I’ll spend hours crying until I fall asleep, and no one knows.

Liz… you didn’t tell me that.

Sorry.

No Liz, I….  hang on a moment.

Okay, I’m back.  I had to give Liz a big hug, and then I had to take her downstairs and have her talk to Sabby.  Privately.  She’s still talking to Sabby now.  I’m her friend and I love her but I think this one is for Sabby.  Oh, wait.  They just left.

Oh, I hope this works out.  I really hope this works out.

I’m going to wait for them to return, and Liz is going to snuggle with me tonight.  We are going to cuddle up and I am going to hug her and she is going to know what it feels like to have true warmth in her life.  I’m sorry, Liz.  I’m sorry I didn’t notice before.  I’m so sorry.

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

I’m not going to talk about all the doot dooting I did today.  We’ll talk about that kind of thing later  I just want to talk about Liz.  And maybe to Liz.

So Liz came back a couple of hours later.  Apparently Sabby had taken her back to her house, sat her and her parent down, and although I wasn’t there, Liz told me enough that I can paraphrase what they said.  It went something like this:

Sabby:  “Did you know that your daughter is so lonely she sometimes cries herself to sleep?”

Liz mother:  “It’s none of your business how I raise my daughter.”

Sabby (and at this point she started to channel Claire Huxtable, and that’s always a sight to behold):  “Maybe it’s not.  But If you’re not going to parent her, someone’s got to.”

Liz father:  “How dare you -“

Sabby, working up a full head of steam now:  “How dare I?  How dare YOU?  Yes, she’s your daughter, but doesn’t it say something to you that my daughter and I are the ones she came to?  She didn’t come to you!  Why didn’t you go to them, Liz?”

Liz, quietly:  “Because I knew they wouldn’t listen.”

Sabby:  “If it’s none of my business, finne.  God knows I have enough daughters, I love Liz, she’s a good girl, but I’d really rather not add another one to the list.  But then make it yours, for the love of…  this is your daughter, and it’s high time you started treating her like one!  Being a parent isn’t just about buying her things and making sure she has a good education, though no one can fault you for that!  Its about making sure she feels loved!”

Liz mother:  “We love you, Zhi Ruo.”

Liz:  “You love me?  YOU LOVE ME?  Then why don’t you ever tell me that?  Why don’t you hug me?  Why didn’t you EVER HEAR MY CRYING IN MY ROOM?”  She stood up and walked to the door, Sabby close behind.  “And you know the worst thing?  The very worst thing?”  Tears were welling up in her eyes.  “Sabby’s being a better parent to me than you ever were.”

And they were out.  Liz came back in tears.  I told her to get in her pajamas, and she spent the next two hours cuddled up to me and crying her eyes out.  Two hours!  How long has this been going on??  Finally, she passed out, still sobbing.  What could I do?

Don’t get me wrong.  I don’t think she was abused.  And I don’t think Liz would even accuse her parents of that.  I think they love her, in her own way.  And I think Liz knows that, deep down.  But they don’t pay attention to her feelings, and it hurts her.  A lot.  A very lot.

This morning, bright and early, her parents knocked at the door.  Her mother had been crying, and her father looked more defeated than I’d ever seen him look before.

“Can we… can we speak to Zhi Ruo, please?”

Liz came down the stairs, her eyes puffy, looking miserable.

Her mother scooped her up in her arms and didn’t let go.

“I’m sorry, Zhi Ruo.  I’m so sorry.  Let’s go home and talk about it.”

Liz…  Zhi Ruo…  looked at me, looked at Sabby, her lower lip trembling.  She ran over and glomped Sabby.  Then, without a word, she walked out with her parents.

After work, I asked her what they’d talked about.  She wouldn’t say, not everything.  But she did tell me that they talked for hours.  They weren’t completely apologetic, because they had been raising her the best they knew how, but they understood how terrible she was feeling, and that they knew that there would have to be some work done to repair their relationship.

But for Liz, that was enough.

That was more than enough.

Sabby is growing up, a little.  I’m growing up.  Beth is growing up.  David is growing up.  But so is Liz and her parents.  And as long as everyone is growing, everything will be alright.

Everything will be alright.

Everything will be alright.