Series: 15 - September 2022

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

I never lie to y’all, and I won’t start now.  Last night was hard.  Really hard.

You know me.  I’m a pretty happy and cheerful girl.  Sometimes people tell me I should be a cheerleader, and I think that’d be fun except I can’t dance at all!!!  You saw my April Fools video – that stunk!  But sometimes things do get a little too much, and I kind of feel that way right now.  It’s too much.  Beth has problems with jealousy, but I envy her sometimes.  A lot.  She never had to worry about being adopted, or losing her memory, or being found at the side of the road, or finding her birth parents, or..  all of the stuff that’s happened to me.  Yes, so far it’s turned out okay, but it’s not fair, I shouldn’t have had to deal with any of it in the first place.

And it all started because of one selfish and irresponsible man and one gullible woman.

Robert (I refuse to call him my father, my birth father is as good as he’s getting) seems to have changed, he seems to have grown up.  Apparently having a daughter will do that to a man – or at least a normal one.  But…  that daughter should have been me, right?  I should have been the daughter that straightened him out, but I never got that chance.  I don’t blame Emiko for that, but the fact that he didn’t know really is all on her.  Maybe he would have done the right thing if she’d told him.  Maybe he wouldn’t.  But we’ll never know now, will we?

So here I am.  My life is pretty good.  I know it is.  But I still feel like I’ve been cheated out of something big, something important.  My… my birth parents (I almost said my real parents, but they’re not, they gave that up a long time ago).  It’s not fair.  None of it was ever fair.  Life paid me back pretty well for the injustice… but it was still an injustice.  And it still hurts.  A lot.

I’m going to go cuddle Marie and I may or may not cry a little.

The good news:  It rained tonight!  hard!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me!  Lily!

Sabby caught my last night cuddling Marie and sniffling.

I don’t know if she understands.  Not really.  But if anyone does, it’s going to be her, because she lost her parents too.  She never told me what exactly happened there, and I never asked, but surely someone was responsible for completely destroying her life when she was little.

Sometimes, though, it’s not the right time to talk.  She just put her arms around me and let me cry.

That’s why I love Sabby.

She’s not perfect.  She can be a little hotheaded sometimes, and flies off the handle pretty easily.  Like that one time she almost came to blows with Beth.  But she knows when you just need someone to be there with you.

Tomorrow is my birthday, and we really don’t have any big plans.  Sabby asked me what I wanted to do for my birthday, and I just said “waterpark”.  She just smirked, and said “I would have thought something was wrong with you if you’d said anything else.  Go to the waterpark and take Liz with you, I’ll pay.  We’ll have a little party when you get back, alright?  I’ll even bake some cookies.”

I smirked.  “Don’t go overboard.”

Well, I actually think a nice, quiet, understated party is a pretty good idea this year.  I’ve had plenty of drama, don’t you think?

Luckily, Liz wants to go to the waterpark too, so waterpark it is.  I’m sure we’ll have a good time, and Liz can come over and we’ll have a nice, quiet party.

None of the girls could come over tonight.  But that’s okay, there will be other times.

I’m still a little sad…  but it’s okay.  I have a family anyway.  I love them, and I know they love me, so I guess that’s all that matters.

And I love you all too.  Did you get me a present?

Oh… Liz sent me a song by AKB48 called “Namida Surprise”.  How cute!  It’s about a surprise party!!!  What a fun little song!!!

Oh well.  Gotta go to bed.  Waterpark tomorrow!!!  Maybe Dave will grill tomorrow night!!!

Love you all!!! ❤🎁🎈🎉

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

And I am an IDIOT!!! Hahaha!!!

Well, today started out about like I expected.  Liz and I went to the waterpark.  And of course it was fun!  The waterpark is always fun!! Liz and I slipped and slid and whooped and hollered and had a really good time!  Liz even told the staff it was my birthday, and they gave me a little gift!  Nothing big, but it was nice of them.

So we came home, and Liz and I were going to spend the afternoon together.  We went in the house, and..

SURPRISE!!!!!

It was a surprise party!!!!  I can’t believe I didn’t figure it out!  Even after Liz dropped the biggest possible hint she could have!!!

And everyone was there!!!  All the girls and their family (even Allison), Emiko and her family, The pastor, the doctor who examined me…  even the owner!  Everyone!  Even the social workers!!! They yelled surprise and I just broke down crying like a little girl!!! OMG!!!  It was soooo nice!!!

And they had presents for me too!  Sooooo many presents!  I can’t even tell what all were here, there were soooo many!!!  But honestly I don’t care about the presents.  I mean they were nice and I appreciated them but I just cared that they were there!  They put a little hat on me and Dave grilled!!!!  And the cake was a chocolate ice cream cake!!!  THE BEST!!!!

Do I still feel cheated?  A little, I guess.  But I also feel loved.  And maybe that’s much more important.  Don’t you think?

I asked Liz why she sent me that hint.  She just said “I know you, Lily.  You’d never have figured it out!”  Awww.  Well, she’s not wrong.  This isn’t the first time people were dropping hints left and right and I still got surprised.

Oh, Allison made a drawing for me!!!  I’m eating chocolate!!!  Girl knows me too well!!!

Tonight the girls are sleeping over and we’re having our own girl-party!  With leftover ice cream cake and a movie and games!  And we get to stay up as late as we want!!!  YAAAAAAYYYY!!!!!!

Love you all!!! 🎈❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Tonight I’m taking a break from posting.  The girls are… ALLISON!!!  BRING THAT BACK!!!!

GRRRRRRRRR!!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Oh we had soo much fun!!!

So all the girls stayed over all day Sunday (except Aika and Mika, they had to go home)!  We went to the mall, and walked around!  We played games!  We went to the park with Marie and played games there too!!!  We just had the best time!!!

And after, we had Dave-grilling and leftover chocolate cake and cookies!  And they stayed over!

And their parents came and got them this morning.  I guess they had plans anyway.

It was such a fun weekend though!  I had a birthday, and all the chocolate cake we could eat!!!

So today was pretty quiet, even though it was a holiday.  I mean, what we were going to do?  All the stuff we’d normally do on a holiday, we pretty much did all that for my party!  Dave just puttered around the house and did honey-do stuff, and I helped him out a bit.  David was playing one of the Japanese games I got him (he’s actually learning a little Japanese, can you believe it?)  Beth just kind of lazed around reading a book.  And I played around on the computer trying to get some rather finicky software working.

What a wonderful weekend, though!

Jack did wish me a happy birthday, and he was even there on a video call, but he wants to wait to give me my present until his family moves here.  I told him that him coming here was enough of a present for me, and aww, he blushed.  I got so many presents!  I don’t really have a favorite, they were all very nice and thoughtful.  Allison got me some chocolate!  Never enough chocolate!  Robert even said that a present was on its way, but would probably not get here until later in the week.  Oh well, at least he thought of me.

Crystal got me a locket that said “Sisters”.  I teared up a little.  I love all my sisters.  And Diana gave me taco earrings.  Which made me laugh so hard.  They were thoughtful and personal too!  Beth gave me a book, but not just any book, it was a copy of certain entries in her diary.  Where she started out angry with me, and then at the end, said how much she loves me and is glad we’re sisters.  How can I pick a favorite out of all of those?

It was the best birthday I’ve ever had!  It was the only birthday I’ve ever had that I can remember!  But It was so great!!!  I’ll remember it forever!!!  Well…  I’ll try to.  Who knows if I’ll lose my memory again.

You know what I realized?  I never mentioned Jack’s birthday on August 24th.  I was so mad that day I even almost forgot!!!  I certainly forgot to write about it.  I guess I can be excused for that, though.  Aww.  He wasn’t upset but said I’d better think of a good way to make it up to him.  Challenge accepted!!!  I’m blushing!!!  I can’t make a habit of that kind of thing, though.  He’s been so good to me.  We’re coming up on our one year anniversary of knowing each other!  And he might be here in the Austin area when we have it!  Yaaaaaayyy!!!!!  We’re not going to Orlando this year as far as I know, though.  Liz agrees – we’ve done enough travelling for a while.

I remember when I met Jack.  I didn’t want a boyfriend.  I didn’t want a boy.  But I took one look at him, and I wanted him. I didn’t even know why, he just made me weak in the knees and I could barely even look at him without blushing.  And the best part was, he felt the same way.  It’s not just that he was hot – though he was – it was that there was something about him that I just instinctively liked.  And whenever he touched me it was just the best thing ever, and I didn’t even know why!!!  Even just when he held my hand!

And Grace being cute as snot and coming with the package certainly didn’t hurt, lol.

Anyway, time to walk Marie and go to bed.  Marie’s grown so much!  She’s not a big dog, but when I got her she was a puppy.  And she’s not really a puppy anymore!  Sometimes she walks me!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

My site was down last night!  BOOOOOO!!!

I’m still not the greatest at this tech stuff.  Support said something about a VPS losing connectivity or something.  I think I know what a VPS is.  It was bad news!  My site was down!  It said 522!  Whatever that means!

I mean I’m pretty good at running this site but the stuff underneath like PHP and wordpress and stuff?  Might as well be Korean!  Not Japanese because I know Japanese!! Hahaha!!

Anyway, it’s back up now and I can write a diary!!

Anyway, not much new to talk about.  I’m seventeen now, and it doesn’t feel too different than sixteen!!!  I mean, I still have the same house and parents and pajamas and body wash – and I’m still not telling, you silly-billies!  All that happened was I had a really fun party that lasted pretty much for two days and it’s less than 365 days now until I’m an adult!!!

Me… an adult.  That’s really strange to think about.  I remember when I was fourteen!  Though I didn’t know it at the time.

School is pretty fun!  I mean, some of the stuff is a little nuts – there was a sign someone put up in the student life center that said “My culture is not yours to appropriate”.  I never understood all that “cultural appropriation” stuff.  Japanese people seem to love it when we take their culture and do stuff with it!  And it’s fun when they do that too!  So what’s the big deal?

I won’t ask any of them, though.  They’ll probably find the question offensive.  “It’s not my responsibility to educate you”, they’ll say.  But…  if you want me do what you want me to, isn’t it at the least your responsibility to tell me what you want me to do?

Shrug.  People are crazy sometimes.  Sabby has different words for it, but I’m not saying them here!

So college is a little weird, but most of the political stuff just goes in one ear and out the other.  I’m there to learn stuff, not to get all political!  So far I’m learning college level math, introductory English composition, and taking a computer science class too!  I’m learning something called Linux!  It’s hard!  But they tell me that’s what things like my VPS run on, so maybe it’s a good thing to learn!!!  A couple of other classes too but it’s just typical college stuff!!!

I’m not the smartest girl (Beth is!) but I’m pretty smart.  Just a lot of homework and tests.

Anyway, speaking of which, I just did a bunch and I’m beat!  Time to walk Marie and flop my seventeen year old butt on the bed and start snoring!!!

… do I snore?  I should ask Jack.  That time we accidentally fell asleep cuddling… he might know.

Speaking of Jack, his parents have an apartment now!!!  It’s a three bedroom south of the tollway, seems like a nice (but a bit expensive) complex.  I guess they’ll start looking for a house once they get down here.  Everyone’s packing up!!!  Grace is a little upset, she’s got some little friends up there, but they told her she gets to see me more, and Lily gets to see Marie more, and she perked up.  And she gets her own room too!!! She’ll be fine.  He’ll be here in a couple of weeks, they’re still getting all their moving ducks in a row!!!  Jack’s a little sad to leave too, he’s lived there all his life, but he gets to spend more time with me, and I told him he already has a bunch of ready-made friends!  Just add chocolate!  Hahahaha!!!!!

I’ll have to find him some guy friends though, if he doesn’t find some himself at school.  Maybe he’d like to meet my tech friend!  Well… my tech friend had a crush on me, so maybe not the greatest most wonderful idea.  We’ll think of something!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! it’s me! Lily!

You know how I say my life is a soap opera?  You ever wonder what happens when the camera’s off?  Do the characters go to the bathroom or take a shower or just sit there reading a book? That’d make for awful television, wouldn’t it?  Well, today’s one of those days.  It was just quiet and nothing important happened.

Oh you know that complex that Jack is moving to is the same one the Texan Tinkerer guy (Dave’s friend) lives at!  That’s cool!  But he’s got his own stuff to do.  He’s been making sports card videos lately, no idea why.  Isn’t electronics more interesting?  Maybe he just got bored with it.  I don’t know.  We don’t talk too much, but every now and then he asks Dave about me, so it’s nice that he cares.  He sent me a birthday present!  It wasn’t anything big, just some earrings with a tiny led that changes color.  Actually, that’s pretty cool!  Not the earrings themselves, but that they’re so small!

Turns out his birthday was close to mine, too!  I didn’t know!  I felt bad, but he didn’t seem too worried.  I guess when you get older getting presents from teenage girls isn’t as interesting as it used to be.  Maybe I’ll send him something anyway.  Maybe I’ll make some trading cards of me!

Oh, I don’t know.  I’m just rambling now.  It was that kind of quiet day where you can ramble in your diary about nothing special.  I like those kinds of days.  It’ll get more interesting soon, I know it will.  But I…  kinda hope it doesn’t, y’know?  Every time it gets interesting I end up crying.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I’m at Liz’s tonight!!!

Beth is having Crystal and Diana over, and David is having Little Miss Priss’s brother over, so I’m over at Liz’s, because I don’t spend enough time with her and her family, and because those girls can get crazy and I’m just not in the mood for crazy.  I love them to death but Liz is… not noisy.  Not like them.

She got out her violin and we just played together for a while.  Not for any reason, just because it was fun.  I kinda miss that.  Playing music with someone is… intimate in its own way.  Then I broke into the fancy chocolate I still had some of and we munched for a bit.  Yes, there was that much of it that some is still left over.

She has another boy she’s into, but this time she wants me to meet him, and she’s going to take my opinion seriously too.  I kinda don’t like that responsibility, but hey, the results speak for themselves, right?  I didn’t like Kevin and he proved he shouldn’t be liked. What about her new boy?  He goes to her school, apparently he’s kinda quiet and shy, but he asked her on a date.  She said yes, but she’s a little nervous because of what happened last time.  I hope it works out this time.

Being with Liz is a little different than the other girls… they’re noisy and energetic, Liz is quiet and thoughtful, well, most of the time.  Sometimes we talk about deep stuff.  Like the nature of the universe, that kind of thing.  She’s so much smarter than me about that kind of thing.  But tonight, she’s just quiet and cuddly for some reason.  I don’t mind.  She’s my best friend, and she’s warm.

Oh, come on, you silly billies.  I’ve got Jack, and you already know that!  Geeezz!!!!

Liz is looking forward to Jack moving here too.  I don’t know if he’s her favorite cousin, but she likes him well enough.  And she likes to see me happy.  That’s why she’s my best friend.  I imagine we have a few trips to the mall in store.

Anyway, bedtime!  And someone else is walking Marie tonight!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

After I came home from Liz’s and all the girls went home, Today was a chore day.

Some days Sabby just gets a bug up and starts cleaning like crazy.  She runs around cleaning the bathrooms and kitchen and all sorts of other stuff, and we have to clean up our rooms too.  I don’t really mind.  I like a clean room!!!  So I cleaned out Marie’s kennel (she’s got lots of hair!), swept the floor, etc.  I’m not going to say it was fun, but it got done.

Then I went out and helped Dave clean the garage.  He’s been doing a lot of tinkering lately and it got messy, so he made sure all his tools were put away and the floor was swept and he got up some oil stains too.  Just the normal stuff.  And then Sabby and I went to the grocery store!!!  Man, that lady has some energy!  Food’s gotten expensive, but at least we can still afford it!

Then tonight Dave grilled again!!! He loves grilling!!!  I know he grilled last week but he grilled this week too!!!  It’s just fun for him, so he grills whenever he can.  But we love it!  He’s good at grilling!  We had grilled chicken and baked beans and potato salad and root beer!  It’s soooo good!!!

Anyway, just a nice, quiet Saturday.  I like nice, quiet Saturdays.

The movers arrived at Jack’s and now they’re packing everything up and shoving it in a truck!!!  He’s really moving!  He’s a little scared but he’s happy too!!!

And it’s a little cooler now!!!

Everything’s great!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Today is September 11, and Dave is sad again.  He doesn’t really like to talk when he’s sad, but I did the same thing I did last year and brought him his favorite drink.  But this time he wanted to talk.

“Lily,” he said, “You are one of the most cheerful and peppy and optimistic people I’ve ever met.  Nothing bad ever really seems to faze you.  Not even… when that guy tried something with you last year.  I hope… I hope you never lose that.”

“Why do you get so sad?”, I asked.  “I may be cheerful but I get sad too, and usually I have a reason.  What’s… what’s your reason?”

“I.. knew some people in those towers when they fell.  I wasn’t close to them, but I knew them.”

“Oh,” I said.  “I don’t know what to say.”

“You’re young, still,” he said.  It’s not that you haven’t had anything bad in your life, but you haven’t had anything that shook you to your core and made you wonder why you even bother with it all.  I… I hope you never do, Lily.  Thanks for the drink,” he said, and went back to sitting in his chair and being sad.

I gave him a hug and went up to my room.  Dave’s not the kind of guy who likes too much company when he’s sad.

Of course it’s sad, what happened.  It always is.  Every year we’re reminded of how sad it is.  But what am I going to do about it?  We can remember the people who died, but they’re dead now.  We can be mad at the people who did it, but most of them are dead now, too.  But we can move on with our lives, I guess.  Everyone says “never forget”, but maybe we should instead be looking forward to a time when we can forget.  Maybe?

I don’t know.  Like I always say, I’m just seventeen.  What do I know?

Dave will be okay tomorrow.  I know he will.  He’ll be back to grilling and having pressure washer accidents.  I haven’t pranked him in a while – he got me so good with that cayenne pepper chocolate pudding I haven’t dared.  But maybe it’s a good time to, soon.

Oh!  I know what to do!  Hahaha!!!!!  I need to get Sabby on board so I can buy something on Amazon!!!!  LOL!!!!!

Jack’s relocators are almost finished packing and they’ll be heading south in a couple of days.  SQUEEEEEEE!!!!!

Love you all!!! ❤