Tag: Beth

This diary entry is part 22 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Florida Lily!!!

OMG do I have so much to tell you!!!  If this isn’t a long post I’ll eat my sunglasses!  And they’re not made of chocolate either!!!

So after I wrote the post this morning, the plane showed up and after some ruckus, we all boarded.  OMG they got business class!  I guess Lily’s father does a lot of travelling and had some miles to burn!!!  It was SO COMFORTABLE!!!  They gave us free drinks (alcoholic for Liz’s parents – they drank very little though, we got some nice fruit drinks) and it was a great way to fly the first time!!!  Anyway, we got on the plane, and I was so scared but so excited!!!  Finally the door closed and the plane started moving backwards, and those huge engines started!  Beth would have loved it!  Liz was chatting my ear off about bleed air and compressors and light-off (she’s so smart!) but I was just taking in the whole experience.  The flight attendants were telling us what to do if the plane crashes.  I listened but it was so dark!

So the plane started moving and went at low speed for a few minutes, then it turned and those engines just went for it.  Holy…  was it a rush!!!  We went really fast and then the plane just lifted!!!

It was a short flight so they didn’t give us food but we got snacks and the views out the windows were amazing!  All those beautiful popcorn clouds!

The landing was so stressful!  I could feel the plane dropping, even though it was a gentle drop.  Finally the ground rushed up and we hit!  We were safe!  We taxied to the gate.  It’s amazing how the energy changes once you land.  People turning their phones on and chatting to their friends or loved ones, and we got off the plane.  In Orlando there’s a tram you can take to the actual airport from the gate, it was soo cool!  Then we got a car and went to get some brunch.  We had a nice meal (it turns out on vacation the Tangs will eat stuff that’s a little more American, I guess the Chinese food is just what they prefer to make) and then went to the hotel.

OMG what a nice hotel!!!!  Everything was shiny and gleaming, and they have a nice pool and everything!!!  After Liz and I settled into our room (we got one room, and her parents got the other) I decided to take a nap.  Liz did too.  We were soo tired!  But after the nap we put on our swimsuits and went down to the pool!!!  It was sooooo fun!!!  Wish Allison was here, she would have loved that pool!!!

At dinnertime we all went out to eat, we had sushi!!!  Liz’s father told me that Chinese food and Japanese food aren’t really the same, but they’re kind of similar – emphasis on seafood and rice, and kind of light and savory.  We pigged out on sushi!  I got to know Liz’s parents a little better.  They’re nice people.  They were telling me how their parents emigrated from China when they were little, and they had to become naturalized citizens.  They’re afraid to go to China right now because of the way things are, but they still have family there and talk as much as they can.  It turns out Liz’s Father can speak a little Japanese!  He has to go there sometimes for work!  That’s the first time I’ve ever seen Liz confused, when he and I had a very basic conversation!  I’ll have to practice with him sometimes!

Anyway, after we got back, OMG do I have news!  It’s big news!  Remember when I learned that I knew martial arts?  That kind of big news!  So Liz was trying to find a place to practice her violin, and she asked the front desk staff if they had a room for that.  Turned out that in such a fancy hotel, they did.  There was a little room with a piano and a music stand.  So she set up and I sat down at the piano and… 

And started playing.

I’ve never played the piano before!  I don’t remember it!  But I played it!  Liz’s mouth dropped to the ground, and she grabbed her phone and video called Sabby and said “Sabby you have GOT to listen to this!.”

I was just amazed I could play.  I mean, what???

Sabby started squealing!!!  I could hear her through the phone.  Things like “OMG she can play the piano?”  and “What else can she do?” and then I heard Dave and Beth.  Dave said “Well, I’ll be,” and Beth said “that’s cool,” and was quiet.  I heard Sabby start to berate Beth and their voices got more distant.  Sigh.  Then Sabby came back and said “Call me later.  Seriously, Lily.  OMG.”  Then Liz said goodbye and hung up.

Liz pulled out her violin, then grabbed some sheet music and plopped it in front of me.  “Can you read this?”, she asked.

“I don’t know,” I said.  I was actually really confused.  These things just keep happening to me.

Turned out I could.  And we did a really nice duet.  One of the front desk people, a nice looking young guy, quietly walked in and listened.

After I was done, he said “That was beautiful.”  I don’t think he was just talking about the music, from the way he was looking at Liz.  “How long have you played together?”

I sighed.  “I didn’t even know I could play before today.”

His mouth dropped open too.  He shook his head bemusedly and left.  I think he thought I was lying.  Liz looked after him with an unreadable look.  She looked a bit flustered.

Yet another thing to explore.

Anyway, I let her get to practicing after promising her I’d do duets with her.  It turns out that while she never held it against me, she felt that her love of music and my inability to play it was something we didn’t have in common and it was hard for her to relate to me or feel that I could relate to her.  She was so happy!!!  I put my swimsuit back on and sat in the hot tub for a while with Liz’s parents.  Liz’s mother is actually really pretty – kind of petite, but nicely proportioned.   I can see where Liz gets her beauty from.  I told her mother that and, well, her face wasn’t the only thing that blushed!  It was so cute!  Her father put his arm around her and said that he was a very lucky man, and her blush got even deeper.  I hope I find someone like him someday!

As we got out of the hot tub, a family approached.  There were two Chinese adults, a boy about my age, and a little girl about four years old.  The boy was…  ummm… hot.  He was a little shorter than me, but with wild black hair and a little smirk that looked so mischievous.  I suddenly felt so warm, even though I had just gotten out of the hot tub and was in my swimsuit.  He looked at me, and I could tell he was very carefully keeping his eyes on my face after stealing a quick glance at the rest of my body.  Oh no.  He thinks I’m hot too.  Oh NO OH NO OH NO!!!

Liz’s father introduced us.  The boy’s name was Jack.  No wonder Liz had a smirk when she talked about him!  She knew!!!  She is in so much trouble…  calm, Lily.  Calm.  The little girl is named Grace, and she is just the cutest thing I’ve ever seen!  I told her my name was Lily and she said “Li…ly?  Lily!  Auntie Lily!”  I just melted.  Oh my God I even forgot about Jack for a moment!  I love her already!

Jack was just looking at me, his eyes were unreadable.  Finally he spoke.  “She likes you, Lily.  You must be alright.”

I looked at him.  “Thanks… so are you…”  STUPID STUPID STUPID.  He just smirked and followed his family back to their room.  He turned back to look at me, and smiled.  I flushed.  Oh no.

When I got back to the room I changed into my PJs and waited for Liz.  When she came in I smacked her arm.

“YOU KNEW!”

She smirked.  “Knew what?”

“Jack!”

“Oh, that he’s a boy, and he’s your age, and that he’s pretty hot?  You like him?”

“Worse!  He saw me in my swimsuit!  I think he likes me!”

“But you’re hot, Lily!  Especially in your swimsuit!  Why wouldn’t he?”

I sat on my bed and put my head in my hands.  Oh no.  This week just got soooo much more complicated.  Liz just patted my shoulder.

“It’ll be fine,” she said.  “Besides, a little vacation romance never hurt anyone.”

“I don’t want one!”

“Just relax, Lily!  It’ll be fine.  Jack’s a good guy.  I promise.  You’ll like him, and not just because he’s gorgeous!”  I sighed.  I guess I’ll deal.  Besides, he is hot.

“So what about you, Liz?”, I asked teasingly.  “You got anyone picked out?”

She blushed.  “I…  I wouldn’t know…”

“It’s the front desk guy that was listening to us, isn’t it?”

She turned beet red.  “I… I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“A little vacation romance never hurt anyone,” I said, a little mockingly.

“Truce?”

“Truce.”

I called Sabby a few minutes ago.  She was positively bouncing.  After she told me Beth had one of her jealous fits again and Sabby had to set her straight, she said that she was going to get me piano lessons and this time she didn’t care if I wanted them or not!  And she was going to find a piano too!  She loves piano.  She can only play it a little bit but she really wants to see how well I can play!  I guess I don’t mind.  It’s a part of my schooling, and I had to do some music classes anyway.  And at least I don’t have to deal with the frustration of starting from scratch, like I do with Japanese.  I’ll have to relearn all the terminology though, I forget what everything’s named.  Everyone at the Smith house is heading out tomorrow but at least Sabby and Beth will still be reachable if needed.  I guess Sabby and Beth are going up to Dallas for a monster shopping or at least mall walking trip, and Beth’s getting a makeover too.  Sabby’s not made of money but I bet at least a few bags will be in the trunk on the way home.  I hope it helps with their bonding. I can’t wait to see Beth’s new look!

I didn’t tell her about Jack.  I don’t think I could.  Oh no, yet again.

I’m not going to apologize to Beth though.  I’ll never, ever apologize for who I am.  Sabby taught me that a few days ago.  She said “never be afraid to say no” but it’s the same thing, don’t you think?

Liz and I are going to brush each other’s hair now!!!  Till tomorrow!!!  Love you all!!!  ❤️

This diary entry is part 19 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Two days!  Can you believe it?  I’m soooo excited!  I’ve never even been out of state before – that I can remember, anyway.  I’ve never been on an airplane, that I can remember.  I’ve never been to Disney World, that I can remember.  I’m not just excited to go to Orlando, I’m just excited to make a memory.  I have so few of my own.

People don’t understand.  They take their memories for granted.  They remember things – good things, bad things.  They know who they are.  They even know their name!  How precious is a name?  I mean, I did get to choose mine, but a name is a gift that someone gives you when you’re born!  I don’t know what mine is!  It makes me sad sometimes.

Even if I were to choose to keep “Lily”, at least I’d know what my parents wanted me to be named.  That means something.  Don’t you think?

I imagine it’s easy for all of you readers to forget that Lily isn’t my real name.  Well, I guess it is legally.  And it’s what everyone calls me.  But I chose it.  I had to name myself, because no one else knew.  That’s such an awful thing.  I think so, anyway.  No one else knew.

But this isn’t a time for sadness!  I’m going to make a memory next week!  Maybe lots of memories!  Liz told me that her cousin has a little sister and she’ll be there too.  Maybe we’ll get along too!  Liz has a kind of smirk, though, when she talks about her cousin.  I wonder why.  Is she a little weird?

Tomorrow I’m going to work, then tomorrow night I’m going to make sure everything’s all packed up.  The flight leaves at 8:15 AM so we have to be there early!  I mean sooooo early!  I may not even sleep!  But it’ll be worth it!  Sooo fun!!!  Liz tells me we’re just going to relax on Sunday, and then on Monday comes the fun stuff!  YAAAAY!!!  I can sleep!!!

Oh oh oh…   I mentioned that a potential friend for Beth was coming over today!  Yeah, that worked.  NOT.  The family was nice enough, the parents were, well, parents, there was a boy about David’s age and they actually kinda hit it off, but the girl was kind of a prissy… umm… I mean…  she wasn’t very nice.  She was not bad looking for a fourteen year old, blonde hair, pretty face, and attitude for ages.  Beth mentioned she liked science and reading and Little Miss Priss said “Science?  Ewww!  Are you a nerd?”  Well, as you can imagine, that was pretty much the end of that.  Dave and Sabby and the parents got along pretty well, but Little Miss Priss was a dud.

She started on me, though.  Told me that I was weird for being adopted, that kind of thing.  I just looked at her and told her I may be weird, but at least I don’t make people hate me just by opening my mouth.  Her parents kinda smirked, I guess they know.  But they didn’t say anything.  I guess that’s why she’s Little Miss Priss.  It was a little awkward after that.  I guess David has a new friend, though.  That’s a good thing.

After they left, Sabby looked a little embarrassed.  Beth just looked at Sabby with the most disdainful look I’ve seen on her face ever since she stopped hating me, and told her if those are the kinds of friends she wants her to make, well, at least her old friends didn’t insult her to her face.  Then she stomped up to her room and slammed the door.

Sabby looked a little more than embarrassed then.  Poor Sabby.  Good intentions backfire again.  She just announced she was going to take a bath, went up to her room, and that was that.

Truthfully, Beth kinda had a point.  Sabby might need to refine her approach a bit.  I’m not sure having a revolving door of potential new friends every Friday is going to work out too great.  But it’s between Sabby and Beth, so oh well.

Anyway, I’ve got to work tomorrow.  Since I’m leaving on Sunday, Liz isn’t staying over tonight.  I guess Beth and Sabby leave for whatever they’re going to do on Monday or Tuesday, and same with Dave and David going fishing.  Hope they catch lots of fish!  Fish is tasty!  Especially when Sabby prepares it!

Fish is one of the few things you can’t put chocolate on!  Ewww!

Anyway, I’ve got to sleep.  Love you all!!! ❤️

 

This diary entry is part 18 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Three days till we go to Orlando!  Yay!  I can’t wait!!!  I hear the airports will be really busy on that weekend so we’ll have to get there early!  Sabby’s helping me to figure out what to pack – I can’t take too much but lots of light summer clothing, sunscreen, that kinda stuff.  I hear it gets pretty warm and humid in Florida, even though it’s a lot cooler here now.  Oh, and can’t forget swimsuits!  I have that one Sabby bought me, and it’s kind of one piece and kind of not, it’s very flattering and the top will not come off!!  That’s important!  Show the girls once, shame on you!  Show them twice, shame on me!  Or something like that!!!

Swimsuits are for swimming!  Not for losing!  I want to post a picture, but Sabby’s really insistent that I don’t.  Maybe I can figure something out.  We’ll see!!

So things have been quiet in the Smith household. There’s some political or legal thing going on in Wisconsin, and things are just a mite bit tense.  I don’t know what it is, and I really don’t want to know.  I hate politics!  It’s not because they’re not important, and it’s not that I shouldn’t care, but people just get so worked up about it, and for what?  You speak up when you need to speak up, you vote when you can vote, and generally things will just take care of themselves.  Why get all worked up about stuff you can’t control?

But then I was found in the middle of the election zoo last year, so maybe my views are a bit warped.  All I’ve ever seen is the mess.  It’s normal for me.

Liz is looking forward to Orlando too.  She got a new swimsuit too.  It’s a little more revealing than mine but not much – her parents are pretty strict about that too.  She doesn’t really like it but she accepts it – it’s their way of caring.  But we’ve been talking back and forth about what to pack, and it’s hard to decide!  I wish we fit each others’ clothing, but we don’t, so we just have to make do.  Honestly, she and Beth are more alike in physique than she and I.

So I have schoolwork to do – Sabby’s really been laying it on because next week is a week off and she wants to make sure I’ve learned everything I need to.  Extra sessions with teachers and all that stuff.  But it’s okay.  It’s a lot of fun stuff to learn!  And I’m getting better at Japanese too!  I know enough to know how much I don’t know!

Anyway, gots to go!  Love you all!!!  YAAAAAAY ORLANDO!!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 16 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So I think the drama’s over now.  For the most part.  I have had to do a lot of thinking and I guess I’ve been a little more moody than usual, because Sabby bought me a big chocolate shake.  You know how she says chocolate fixes everything?  I guess it doesn’t always.  But I still drank the shake!  And I did feel a little better.

Letting chocolate go to waste is a crime.  Ignore those puddings in the trash over there.  You didn’t see anything.

Beth seems a little shaken too.  I don’t think she realized what a bad influence her “friends” were.  Apparently they’d been doing stuff like that.  I don’t think Beth ever had to take a dare quite like that, but they really didn’t know when to stop.  Apparently her friends have already kissed boys!  I mean, really!  They were younger than Beth!  We did ask Beth during the game (she chose “truth”) whether she kissed a boy.  She turned beet red and said “I’m not sure”.  When all the giggling was over, we asked what she meant.  She answered, “Does the cheek count?”  Liz and I agreed that it really doesn’t.  After all, I kiss her forehead all the time, and that doesn’t count at all.

We begged for details but she wouldn’t spill.  All she’d say was she was dared to and didn’t go any further.  Apparently this wasn’t the first game of “truth or dare” she’d played, and, well, no wonder Sabby was annoyed.  But I’ll let Sabby extract that info if she wants.  Not my business.

Liz told me that we’d be meeting some of her family in Florida.  They’re coming to Disney World too.  Not quite a family reunion, but they haven’t seen each other in a while.  Apparently she has a cousin who is about my age.  Might be fun to make a new friend!  Liz wouldn’t tell me her name, though.  They haven’t talked in a long time, and she just mentioned her in passing.

Speaking of Florida, we leave in five days!  Sabby’s really fussing now.  She’s got plans on plans on plans, she told me she expects to be able to chat with me every night and wants me to tell her everything that happens, and she’s really being a mama bear.  Finally I had to tell her that I’d be fine, and to let me have fun.  She wasn’t too happy with that but seemed to realize she was being a little overbearing, and backed off just a little.   Only a little.  Sabby gonna Sabb.

Beth is still grounded, and no one’s told me what she and Sabby are going to do.  But I’ve had my own problems.  Sabby has been calling around church trying to set up outings with families that have girls about the same age as Beth.  Apparently, Beth is going to have new friends, and they are going to be Sabby-vetted.  I guess I can’t blame her.  Beth doesn’t seem too enthused, but oh well.  I’m sure Sabby knows what she’s doing.

Oh I forgot to mention, Allison lost her big game. I know, right!  So sad.  But you know what?  She got to whack the ball and everyone cheered.  Sometimes you lose something, but you get memories and experience out of it.  Next time she’ll whack the ball harder, and maybe even win!  There’s always a next time.

Oh oh oh I promised big news!  I set up subscriptions on this site!  They’re free, and they’ll let you see some things that I don’t want little eyes to see.  Nothing awful, but I try to keep this site safe for little ones by default.  If you sign up, well, you’ve been warned!

Okay.  That’s done.  Whew.

I must go now.  I have schoolwork to do.  Just because next week is a vacation doesn’t mean I get to slack off!  So math and science and all that stuff, here I come!  YAAAAAAY!!!  Oh and Japanese too!  YATTAAAA!!!!!!!!  Love you all!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 15 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  A thoughtful Lily.

So after I wrote last night’s post I went downstairs to get something to eat.   They’d all had dinner (they usually eat without me on weekends but I don’t mind, I’m doot dooting) and I hadn’t had any dinner.  While I was downstairs microwaving some leftover Dave Grilled Meat, I heard Sabby’s door open and close, then Beth’s door open and close.  There wasn’t another sound.

As the microwave beeped, I heard Sabby’s door open again, and then I heard her coming down the stairs.  I went to the fridge to snarf some leftover potato salad, and she came into the kitchen.  I offered her some potato salad, but she just shook her head and sat down at the table.  I collected my food, as well as a soda, and sat down across from her.  I was hungry.

She just seemed content to let me eat for a little bit, then she spoke.

“Would you have done it, Lily?”

“Huh?”, I said eruditely.

“Would you have done it.  Would you have taken that dare?”

“No!,” I protested, and took another bite of chicken.

Her eyes bored into me.  “Say, if Liz hadn’t taken your side, if Beth and Liz would have both pressured you to do it, would you have?”

I swallowed my chicken.  “No, I…  I don’t think I would have.”

She shook her head.  “I think you would have.”

My heart leapt into my throat and I had to stop myself from choking on a piece of chicken.  I set the chicken down.  “You…  what?”

“I think you would have.”

I was silent.  My face was red.

“Oh, don’t get me wrong, I don’t think you’re that kind of girl.  I completely believe you when you say that you didn’t want to, and I think you would have protested and told them to pound sand.  For a while.  But eventually you would have been worried that you’d lose Liz as a friend and Beth as a sister, and you would have done it.”

I lowered my head.  Dammit.

“Lily, you’re a good girl.  I worry about Beth and David.  A lot.  I don’t worry about you as much.  You have a good head on your shoulders, you’re smart, you have a good heart.”  She paused.  “And you would do absolutely anything if it meant that you’d be accepted by people you loved.”  She paused.  “Or needed.”

I was quiet.

Her eyes bored into me deeper.  “I know this because I was the same way, Lily.  I know you.  I know how desperate you are to be loved, to make up for what you’ve lost, to have as normal a life as you can.  You would do anything to have that.  Wouldn’t you?”

A tear leaked out of my right eye and ran down my cheek.  Sabby reached over and wiped it off with her thumb.

She spoke more gently now.  “And it would have never occurred to you… the things I told you earlier.  Would it?”

I sniffed and put my head in my hands.  I couldn’t help it.  A sob escaped.  I heard the scrape of her chair against the floor, and then I felt her arms around me, from behind.  Her chin was on my shoulder.  I sighed and relaxed a little.

“I grounded Beth,” she said.  “She’s grounded until we go off to do our thing together.  I didn’t ground her because her dare wasn’t appropriate, though it wasn’t.  I grounded her because, intentionally or not, she took advantage of your loneliness, and I can’t have that.  She needs to understand that being a sister means to build you up, not to tear you down.”  She let me go and sat back down in her chair.  “And you need to understand that there will never be any conditions in this house for our love, and I will be most displeased if anyone tries to pull that stunt that Beth did.  In the future, just say ‘no’.  And if that is not respected, then you will tell me, and I will go all Claire Huxtable on them.  Do you understand?”

I nodded.  I didn’t trust myself to speak.

There was an urgency in her voice now.  “Never, ever, be afraid to say no.  Do you understand, Lily?  Never.  Never.”

She stood up from the chair and went up the stairs.

I looked at my food.  I wasn’t really hungry anymore.  But I forced it down anyway.

Because I fear Sabby was right.  And that is the worst feeling in the world.

I’ve had much to think about today.

This diary entry is part 14 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So today started out boring.  I went to work, doot dooted everyone into gloriously unhealthy food, and just had a decent morning.  I got home later this afternoon, and took Sabby aside.  I told her what Beth had tried to make me do in the game of “truth or dare”.  I didn’t know how to handle it, but I couldn’t let it slide either.

She only had two things to say.

The first was “I need to thank Liz for standing up for you.”  And the second was “Get Beth down here, now.  Please.”

Before I did, I asked Sabby not to be too hard on her.  After all, she was 14 and probably didn’t know what she was doing.  Sabby shook her head.  “Maybe not,” she said.  “But if you’d done it and someone’d had a camera… no.  I need to speak with her.  And I want you here as well.”

I looked hesitant.  “Sabby, she only now stopped being mean to me…”

“Has she?,” she said, barely containing herself.  “Bring her down here, Lily.  Now.  On second thought, stay here.”  She got up and went up the stairs.  She came down dragging a protesting Beth by her arm, and sat her down next to me.

“Lily tells me you made a… very inappropriate dare the other night.  Is this true?”

Beth gave me the stinkeye, but Sabby turned her face towards her.  “Lily asked me to go easy on you.  What you did rightly concerned her  Whether I take her advice or not depends on how well you can explain yourself.  So, explain yourself.”

Beth lowered her head and nodded.  “I did.”

“Why?  Do you know what you did?  You could have gotten Lily into a lot of trouble.”

“I thought it’d be just a little embarrassing…” Beth stuttered.

“Embarrassing?,” Sabby roared.  “Try humiliating!”

“I didn’t mean…”

Sabby deflated.  “No, I don’t think you did.  Lily’s right.  You’re fourteen.  Let me explain to you exactly what could have happened if she had done as you asked.”

And she did.  In great detail.  None of which I will repeat here.  I hadn’t even thought of some of the stuff that she had said.  It was awful!  No wonder Liz was upset!  I thought it was just about trying to embarrass me, but it was soooo much worse than that!  I was even a little upset at Beth when Sabby was done.

But Beth was trembling.  “I didn’t… I didn’t mean… I didn’t know…”

“You didn’t!  And that’s the problem!,” Sabby said.  “Where did you learn that?”

“My… my old friends.”

“You’ll never speak to them again.  We’re finding you new friends.  And if I ever catch wind of you ever doing anything like that again I’m going to take you over my knee and show you what real embarrassment is!  Now go to your room, I’ll come talk to you when I’ve calmed down!”

I was a little shocked.  I’d never seen Sabby even threaten to spank one of her children.  Not even David when he got into trouble with the Internet.  Beth made haste to her room and slammed the door.  I thought I heard a sob before the door slammed.

I looked at Sabby.  “Sabby, are you okay?”  She was shaking.

“No.  I’m not, Lily.  I’m going to go take a bath.”  And she went up to her room.

I sat there for a moment.  I’d never seen Sabby like that.  I went up and knocked on Beth’s door.  “Beth -“, I said.

“GO AWAY!”, she yelled.  “Just go away!  I hate you!  I HATE YOU!”

I sighed.  Back to that again.  I went to my room.  What else was I going to do?

Well, more Smith drama.  I decided to play on my tablet for a bit.

An hour or so later, I heard a timid knock on my door.  I said “Its open,” and it opened slowly.  Beth peeked in.  I sighed and put the tablet down.

“Back to hating me again?,” I said, with a tinge of bitterness in my voice.

“No,” she said, quietly.  “I’m sorry for that.  I…  I didn’t know.”

“I didn’t either,” I said.  “It could have been bad.”

She sat down on the edge of my bed.  “I was just trying to embarrass you a little.  I didn’t mean to… I didn’t know…”

I hugged her.  “I know.  I’m sorry I told Sabby.  But I had to.  I didn’t know how to approach it, either.”

She returned my hug and sat there.  “Mom hates me.”

“No she doesn’t.  She…  ask her about her childhood someday.”

“What do you mean?”

“Not my place.  Just ask her.  I think…  I think you made her remember some things.  I don’t know what.”

She nodded.  She got up and left my room.  I heard her knock on Sabby’s door.  I heard the door open.  Then close.  Then it was quiet.

It’s still quiet.  They’re still talking.  Or Sabby’s hiding the body.

Love you all!  And one week to Orlando!!!  ❤️

This diary entry is part 13 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  Eight days to Orlando!!!!!!!

I shouldn’t have done that, I got through work today with some caffeine, but even though I’m young, I’d still rather be bright eyed and figuratively bushy tailed (I don’t have a tail) than sleepwalking through the day.  After I got home from work I took a nap.  I feel a little better now.  Still, I won’t do that again.  Oh, who am I kidding.  I absolutely would.  But I’ll try not to, anyway.

We had so much fun, last night!  Beth had the bright idea to play “truth or dare”, and we all agreed.  I learned a lot more about Liz than I wanted!  I lucked out though!  I have no memories!  So I’d always choose “truth”, and then they’d ask me a question, and I’d say “I don’t know”, and it’s the truth!  Ever kissed a boy?  I don’t know!  Most embarrassing moment?  Musta been that talk Sabby gave us!  Both Beth and Liz ended up forcing a rule change that any “I don’t know” from me gets turned into a dare.  At that point it devolved into making me do silly dances and other silly stuff.  I drew the line when Beth wanted to make me do something truly embarrassing.  I don’t even have that kind of underwear!!!  And even if I did, I’m not walking down the street in it!  Thankfully, Liz took my side on that one, and told her that if she kept that up, She’d have that dare next time Liz got to ask her.  She gulped and took it back.  I just had to shout “I’m a teapot” instead, and that woke up a ticked off Sabby.  At that point it was lights out.  Fine by me, I was tired anyway.  We ended up in a big ol’ snoring girl pile.

Beth and I are gonna have to have a little talk, I think, though.  That kind of crossed the line.  Liz isn’t holding it against her, but I could see on Liz’s face.  That was a bit too much like the old Beth.  We really need to have a conversation.

After I took my nap, Dave told me he was going to teach me how to change the oil and tires in my car.  Probably past time anyway.  So he grabbed Beth and David too, and we trudged out.  Dave already had the car in the driveway.  He showed me how to lift it up (that’s a neat little machine!), remove the drain plug, change the filter, put the drain plug back, and pour in more oil.  Easy!  Changing a tire is also easy – just have to remember to loosen the little nuts before lifting the car, and tighten them again before rolling off.  I have nearly enough money in my account to pay for driving lessons!  Yay!  But we’ll do that after I get back from Orlando.

Tires are heavy!  But cars are heavier!  Still, good to know.  He also had Beth and David change a tire for good measure.  David had a bit of trouble because of how heavy the tires were, but it’s more important that he know than to be able to do it well for right now.

Afterwards, we had a nice dinner.  I love spaghetti, even though it’s sooo messy!  It tastes soooo good!  Especially with mushrooms and lots of parmesan.  Sabby can really cook!  She made garlic bread too!  OMG that’s soo good!

After dinner, Dave took me aside for a little talk.  It was kind of similar to the one Sabby gave me, but it was from a man’s point of view.  I won’t go into details because this isn’t a PG post, but it was good to know.  Men are more complicated than they look!  It’s a little awkward, but I’m glad they’re telling me all of this.  It’s better to know it when you need it.

Anyway, no staying up tonight.  I have to work tomorrow!  Then next weekend I go to Orlando!  SQUEEEEEE!!!!

Love you all!!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 8 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

 Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So yesterday, Dave did grill.  I think I was right – he grills as a way to work things out sometimes.  He’s a very emotional man, but he’s not really all that good at expressing it.  I guess a lot of men are like that.  He’s not mean about it or anything, but you can tell when he’s upset.  He’ll rarely tell you why, though.  It’s not so much that he’s private, it’s just that he’s… reserved, I guess.  So he went outside with some meat and grilled up a storm.  I gotta admit, I LOVE it when Dave grills.  He’s just so good at it!  It’s not quite as good as chocolate, but it’s almost as good, and that’s really a compliment!!!  It really does taste like summer or fall or whatever, just soooooo good.

Sabby thinks so too, I think.  When Dave gets in a grilling mood, she makes potato salad and other fixins and we have a bit of a feast, and there’s always some left over for lunch too.  It’s not the most cost effective thing, I suppose, but it works out.  At least so far, if you shop wisely, meat isn’t so bad.

This evening, Liz is staying over, but her parents came to visit too.  This time they brought food for all of us.  Liz’s mother is such a good cook!  It’s just, she cooks things a little differently.  Sabby likes pasta and rich sauces, and they like veggies and light sauces and rice.  It’s still really good, though.  Even David cleaned his plate.  For dessert we had chocolate, though.  Neither Sabby nor I are willing to give that up for a cultural exchange.  Hah!

Afterwards, we all talked for a while.  I told them how excited I was to go to Orlando (in nine days!  SQUEEEEEE OMG OMG) and they seemed a bit uncomfortable with the thanks.  The thing is, they’ve been a little concerned about Liz too.  Even though they’ve pushed her hard to excel academically, she hasn’t had many friends, and they did notice.  Now that she has me as a friend and “other family” that obviously cares about her, they want to encourage that.  They acknowledge that maybe it’s a little overkill, but I’m not going to complain!  They are just happy to do it.  Honestly, they say, it’s not all that much more of an expense (they’d have to pay for the rooms and most of the flights anyway) and they’re just happy to see Liz have a friend.  We’re not just going to Disney World too!  There are other fun places!

I’d be a friend even without!

Liz could come over before, but she just doesn’t seem as… guilty… about it.  Her parents still expect her to succeed, but they don’t want to drive her to hate them in the process.  Even Liz thinks that’s fair.  She does like doing schoolwork and music and stuff.  She just doesn’t want that to be the only reason her parents love her.

We watched a movie, but it wasn’t really an interesting movie.  I don’t even remember what it was called.  Afterwards, Liz’s parents said their goodbyes and went back to their house, but Liz got into her pajamas, she’s going to sleep over!  We’re going to stay up way too late and talk and play games and eat chocolate, and Beth’s even invited!  It’ll be fun!  So I should go do that.  Girl time is fun!

Love you all!!!!  Tomorrow is Saturday!  So I can’t stay up TOO late because I have to work.  But I’m young and caffeine is a thing, so…  on to the fun!  Liz is yelling that the game is set up and Beth just made popcorn!!!  ❤️

This diary entry is part 12 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!  It’s Veteran’s Day, so we get school off today!  Yay!  I thought I’d write a bit early today, I just went for my run, and I’m all smelly and sweaty, but you can’t see or smell!  To you I smell like flowers and am sitting here in a formal gown with my hair all nicely done up!  But I’m not!

I bet I’d look so cute in a formal gown.  I should try one on someday.

Anyway, I’m doing a lot better today.  You might have wondered where Beth was in all of that.  Well, she was concerned, and I explained it to her the best I could.  She hugged me and asked if there was anything she could do, and I just said “be Beth”.  Honestly, though, I leaned a lot more on Sabby and Liz.  I didn’t want to put all of that on Beth, she has enough going on.  Sometimes you have to choose, not because you don’t want to share, but because you don’t want to relive it over and over with different people.  She seemed to understand.

I hope someday I find the answers I’m looking for, but I have to accept the possibility that I never will.  And if I don’t, well, life is okay.  I don’t know who I was, but I know who I am, and that’s a Smith.  I’ll never not be a Smith.  Maybe I’ll just add another name to that.  I think it’s most important to me, of all things, to just know if they loved me.  If I know that they did, if they’re alive, or dead, then that’s most important.  I just want to know I was loved.

Anyway, today’s Veteran’s Day.  It seems impactful to Dave for some reason, but I’m not sure why.  He’s never told me whether he was in the military or not, and I never asked.  I still don’t really know, I figure it’s not my business.  But for young folks like me, it’s a day off .  For him, it seems to be something different, not a happy occasion.  I asked last year on Veteran’s day why he seemed so contemplative.  He thought for a little bit, and then said, “I know a lot of people who served, Lily.  They were… never quite the same afterwards.  War is hell.  Respect that they cared enough to go through that, but never forget that war is hell.”

And that’s all he’d say.

Maybe that was enough.

It’s funny how he seemed a little less bothered by Memorial Day.  Maybe it’s because he’s more personally affected by those who lived through it.  I don’t know.  Dave is a good guy, but he’s hard to talk to sometimes.  Maybe he’ll work out some of his feelings with grilling.  It’s a win/win for everyone!

Ten days to Disney World!!!!  Oh I’m soooo excited!  But I’ve already said what I’m so excited about, so I guess I’ll just say I’m excited!  I still don’t know what Beth and Sabby are going to do, but Beth is really excited too!!!

Love you all!!!  And to all the Veterans out there…  I don’t know what it’s like.  I don’t understand any of it.  But thanks for caring enough to go through all of that. I’m sure for most of you your heart was in the right place.  ❤️

This diary entry is part 4 of 32 in Lily's diary dated 05 - November 2021

Hi!  It’s me, Lily!  And I HURT!

Let’s just say cayenne pepper doesn’t just hurt going in and leave it at that.  Dave got me so good.  Credit to him.  I haven’t decide if I’m going to escalate, but he sure does give as good as he gets.  Maybe I’ll find a prank that’s a little more jokey and a little less scary.  But hey, it was Halloween.

It’s…  what, 17 days to Disney World?  I lost count but it sounds right.  My tablet should be arriving any day!  Sabby’s going to buy Beth one too!  She’s not getting David one, though.  He’s too young, and he doesn’t need another excuse to be irresponsible with his electronics.  I still don’t know what she’s going to do with Beth, but they’re both really looking forward to it.  I’m glad.  Both Sabby and Beth seem to feel like their relationship isn’t going as well as it used to, and they need this time together.  Plus, I’ll be at Disney World!!!  It’s not exactly like I’m left out!

I think Dave is going to have a fishing trip with David.  They’ll camp out somewhere and get up early and catch the fishes.  If they’re successful, we’ll have fish for dinner for days!  If they’re not, well, at least it’s bonding time for the two of them.  It makes me happy that they’re making the effort.  You know, that’s how you can tell a bad parent from a good parent.  Both good parents and bad parents make mistakes.  Sometimes a lot of mistakes.  Sometimes good parents can hurt their children deeply.  But the difference is that good parents try.  They listen to their children when they are hurt and course correct if they have to.  And both Sabby and Dave are course correcting.  That’s what makes them good parents.

I think if someone truly loves you, almost anything can be forgiven.  And if they don’t, almost nothing can.  Probably a little bit of an exaggeration, but I think it’s right.

I talked to Sabby and I think I’m going to get my hair done this weekend with a new hairstyle.  I can’t wait!  I like my hair as it is because it’s easier to maintain, but it’s kind of boring.  I like being cute!  And if I don’t like it I can always go back.  I’ll post a picture too!!!  Maybe not the same day, but soon!!!

Anyway, I need to go to bed!  Bed is so nice!  It’s soft and warm and when the sheets are freshly washed, smells so nice!  I like bed!  But I like brushing Beth’s hair too!  And when she brushes mine!  I love having a sister, did I say that??  And chocolate!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️