This diary entry is part 1 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me again!  Lily!  She of the many exclamation points!

So of course it can’t be as easy as just saying “we’re sisters now”.  After I wrote the post, I took a shower, and when I got out Beth was waiting for me.  She grabbed my hand and pulled me to her room.  We sat down next to each other on her bed.  I’d never really seen her bedroom before – it looked very much like you would imagine a fourteen year old girl’s bedroom would look.  It had a surprising amount of books, though.  I didn’t know she was that studious.

She looked nervous, though.

“Umm,” she said quietly.  “About last night…”

I just looked at her confused.

“I’ve been mean to you.  I’m sorry.  But you didn’t say you forgave me.  You didn’t say anything at all.  I….” she looked down.  “I won’t blame you if you don’t.  I won’t blame you if… you don’t want to be my sister.”

I was quiet for a while.  Many things were running through my head.  A part of me did resent her a bit for how she treated me.  But a part of me knew that I had come into their family and just blew everything into little tiny pieces.

Finally I thought I had the right words.

“You were mean to me,” I said.  “Very mean.  You said things to me that you can’t take back easily.”

She lowered her eyes.

“I understand,” she said quietly.

“No, you don’t,” I said.  “Because I just came into your life and family and ruined it.”

“You didn’t ruin it!”

“But you thought I did!”, I said, a little forcefully.  “Me, a strange girl, taking all of the attention from your mom.  You had every right to feel how you did.”

“But -”

“Let me finish,” I said.  “You had every right, but you hurt me.  Your words hurt.  Especially at such an awful time for me.”  I went quiet for a while.  “But you were young.”

Neither of us trusted ourselves to speak.

“Do you really want me as your sister?”, I said quietly.  “Not just anyone, but… me?”

She bit her lower lip.  It was strangely cute.  It was something she did when she was thinking.  I could see the woman that was trying to come out in her still childlike face.  Truly a woman-child.

“It’s true I’ve always wanted a sister,” she said.  “But I like you.  You’re a nice person.  And even though I was mean to you, you’ve never treated me badly.  I think you’d make a good sister.  If you’ll have me.  I understand if -“

I launched over and took her in my arms.  She went quiet and wrapped her arms around me as well.  It was a touching moment, and a tear was threatening in my eye.  “I forgive you,” I said.  “Life’s too short to hold a grudge.”

I felt her shaking.  She was crying!  I put my hand on her head and stroked her hair.  “Ssssh,” I said quietly.  “It’s alright.”  I chuckled.  “God knows I’ve done enough crying lately.”

I heard her chuckle in between sobs.  We released each other and I saw her face.  I cupped her cheek with my hand and wiped a tear away with my thumb.  “Sister,” I said, quietly.

“Sister,” she said, just as quietly.  “Thank you.”

“So what do we do now?”, I said.  “I’ve never had a sister.”

“Me neither,” she said, softly.  “Will you braid my hair?”

“I don’t know how,” I said.

“I’ll teach you,” she said.  “It’s easy.”

Well, it wasn’t easy.  But we don’t braid each others’ hair because our hair needs to be braided.  She told me all about her life, and I told her about how I felt the last year – leaving her out of it, of course.  I was really curious about what it was like to actually remember your childhood, and she was happy to tell me.  Finally, her hair inexpertly braided, she hugged me, and went off to meet her friends.  Girls gonna girl, of course.

I went downstairs, and Sabby was sitting at the table.

“Everything OK?,” she asked.

I smiled.  “Everything’s fine,” I said.  “I was just spending time with Beth.”

Sabby looked so happy.  “I’m so glad you two are getting along now.”

“I don’t really know how to be a sister,” I said, softly.

“You’ll pick it up,” Sabby said.

I think she’s right.  I really think she’s right.

The rest of the day was quiet.  I spent some time with Liz, but she had some classes to take, so I just busied myself on my computer for the rest of the day.  Maybe it wasn’t the most productive day.  But that’s alright.  Some days are like that.  Some days are perfect just as they are.

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 11 of 11 in Lily's diary dated 01 - July 2021

Hi again!  It’s me!  Lily!  Silly Billy Lily!!!

I’m feeling loads better today.  Yesterday was hard, but Sabby helped me get through it.  I love her!  Dave also took me aside and told me to tell him if I ever need anything.  He’s not a hugger like Sabby, but he is a gentle man and I love him too.  If I ever have a boyfriend or a husband, I hope he’s like Dave!  Nerdy, balding, lovable, huggable, gentle, kind, silly…  all those things and more.

Oh, if Dave reads this I’ll be embarrassed!  But I hope he does anyway.  He should know.  He’s a silly Billy, but he’s my silly Billy.  Well, I guess I can share him with Sabby.  Haha!  Don’t kill me Sabby!  I’m kidding!!!  I won’t share!  hahaha!  Kidding again!!!

No, seriously, I was serious about not wanting a boyfriend, and particularly not a married one I consider like a father.  I could never see him that way.  But I love him dearly anyway.

Last night was movie night again!  This time we watched a movie called 50 First Dates.  It was about a woman who had no short term memory.  It hit really home to me, and I cried again.  That poor girl!  But she found a man who loved her anyway and was willing to put up with a lot to be with her.  I hope maybe I find someone like that someday!  But I hope more that I find my memory.  That’s a lot to ask of a boy!  It’s one reason I don’t want a boyfriend.  It’s asking too much, I think.  I’ll be a single woman with lots of cats and nieces and nephews and cousins!

But is that what I really want? No!  No more sad!  Not today!

But you know what the best thing was?  Beth came up and cuddled with me.  Beth!  The girl who hated me when Dave and Sabby first found me!  She crawled up next to me, looked into my eyes, and asked “is it like that for you?”

“Not completely, but pretty close,” I replied.  She was warm and smelled like fruit.

She snuggled into me.  “I’m sorry,” she said.  “I shouldn’t have been so mean.”

I didn’t know what to say, but I wrapped my arm around her and pulled her close.  She looked up at me and cupped my face in her hand.  “You can be my sister,” she said, quietly, but in a manner like the proclamation of a queen.  A cute, awkward woman-child queen.

I sniffled and wiped away a tear.  I think Sabby was about to blow a gasket, she was so surprised.  But before she could say anything, Beth was asleep.

Sabby’s mouth snapped closed.  “She’s always wanted a sister, you know.”

“I didn’t,” I whispered, and my hand found its way to Beth’s hair of its own accord.  Her hair was stringy, but also soft.  She shifted and mumbled softly.

Sabby smiled.  “I bet you didn’t know you wanted one either.”

I shook my head.  “I didn’t.  But…  but, I’m glad.”

Sabby smiled.  “So am I.”

David tried to jump on us but Dave “headed him off at the pass”, grabbed him, and took him squealing to his room.  “Bedtime for you, champ.  Let’s let the new sisters have some time to themselves.”, I heard, as they receded up the stairs.

Sabby kissed both of our foreheads, and went up to tuck David in.  I got a pillow and stuffed it under my head, careful not to disturb Beth.  My new sister.  My… new sister.

Oh God I’m gonna cry again.

I didn’t move until I had to.  Until I absolutely had to.  Add another precious memory to the ever growing list.   Of the time I gained a new sister.

Love you all!!!  ❤️