This diary entry is part 1 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me again!  Lily!  She of the many exclamation points!

So of course it can’t be as easy as just saying “we’re sisters now”.  After I wrote the post, I took a shower, and when I got out Beth was waiting for me.  She grabbed my hand and pulled me to her room.  We sat down next to each other on her bed.  I’d never really seen her bedroom before – it looked very much like you would imagine a fourteen year old girl’s bedroom would look.  It had a surprising amount of books, though.  I didn’t know she was that studious.

She looked nervous, though.

“Umm,” she said quietly.  “About last night…”

I just looked at her confused.

“I’ve been mean to you.  I’m sorry.  But you didn’t say you forgave me.  You didn’t say anything at all.  I….” she looked down.  “I won’t blame you if you don’t.  I won’t blame you if… you don’t want to be my sister.”

I was quiet for a while.  Many things were running through my head.  A part of me did resent her a bit for how she treated me.  But a part of me knew that I had come into their family and just blew everything into little tiny pieces.

Finally I thought I had the right words.

“You were mean to me,” I said.  “Very mean.  You said things to me that you can’t take back easily.”

She lowered her eyes.

“I understand,” she said quietly.

“No, you don’t,” I said.  “Because I just came into your life and family and ruined it.”

“You didn’t ruin it!”

“But you thought I did!”, I said, a little forcefully.  “Me, a strange girl, taking all of the attention from your mom.  You had every right to feel how you did.”

“But -”

“Let me finish,” I said.  “You had every right, but you hurt me.  Your words hurt.  Especially at such an awful time for me.”  I went quiet for a while.  “But you were young.”

Neither of us trusted ourselves to speak.

“Do you really want me as your sister?”, I said quietly.  “Not just anyone, but… me?”

She bit her lower lip.  It was strangely cute.  It was something she did when she was thinking.  I could see the woman that was trying to come out in her still childlike face.  Truly a woman-child.

“It’s true I’ve always wanted a sister,” she said.  “But I like you.  You’re a nice person.  And even though I was mean to you, you’ve never treated me badly.  I think you’d make a good sister.  If you’ll have me.  I understand if -“

I launched over and took her in my arms.  She went quiet and wrapped her arms around me as well.  It was a touching moment, and a tear was threatening in my eye.  “I forgive you,” I said.  “Life’s too short to hold a grudge.”

I felt her shaking.  She was crying!  I put my hand on her head and stroked her hair.  “Ssssh,” I said quietly.  “It’s alright.”  I chuckled.  “God knows I’ve done enough crying lately.”

I heard her chuckle in between sobs.  We released each other and I saw her face.  I cupped her cheek with my hand and wiped a tear away with my thumb.  “Sister,” I said, quietly.

“Sister,” she said, just as quietly.  “Thank you.”

“So what do we do now?”, I said.  “I’ve never had a sister.”

“Me neither,” she said, softly.  “Will you braid my hair?”

“I don’t know how,” I said.

“I’ll teach you,” she said.  “It’s easy.”

Well, it wasn’t easy.  But we don’t braid each others’ hair because our hair needs to be braided.  She told me all about her life, and I told her about how I felt the last year – leaving her out of it, of course.  I was really curious about what it was like to actually remember your childhood, and she was happy to tell me.  Finally, her hair inexpertly braided, she hugged me, and went off to meet her friends.  Girls gonna girl, of course.

I went downstairs, and Sabby was sitting at the table.

“Everything OK?,” she asked.

I smiled.  “Everything’s fine,” I said.  “I was just spending time with Beth.”

Sabby looked so happy.  “I’m so glad you two are getting along now.”

“I don’t really know how to be a sister,” I said, softly.

“You’ll pick it up,” Sabby said.

I think she’s right.  I really think she’s right.

The rest of the day was quiet.  I spent some time with Liz, but she had some classes to take, so I just busied myself on my computer for the rest of the day.  Maybe it wasn’t the most productive day.  But that’s alright.  Some days are like that.  Some days are perfect just as they are.

Love you all!!! ❤️

This diary entry is part 2 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

So yesterday we went to church.  People are all concerned about that variant of the virus that’s going around.  It just doesn’t seem to be going away!  But we’re all vaccinated, and we’ve done everything we can do.  Sabby thinks we need to just live our lives normally.  I don’t know how I feel, but I trust her.  Beth and David aren’t old enough to be vaccinated yet, but so far so good.

In my state the governor has said no more mask mandates.  I don’t mind wearing a mask, but it’s uncomfortable in the hot weather, so I wear one if I need to.  But I’m glad he left it up to us.  I see what’s happening in other states and I’m glad I was found in the one I do.  Even if it’s hot sometimes.

This is all normal to me!  I was found last year in the middle of the “first wave”, and everyone wore masks and social distanced, and I have no memories before, so I don’t know any different.  Sabby tells me about how things were before, and it sounds so gross!  People should at least wear masks if they’re actually sick and sneezing and coughing!

But I don’t want to talk about that.  People get angry for some reason.

After church Dave and Sabby proclaimed that we were going to have a family afternoon.  Beth and David grumbled a bit – I think Beth wanted to go see her friends, and David just grumbles all the time anyway, but they were firm.  I don’t mind!  I like family afternoons!  I like family! They asked us what we wanted to do, and the kids were sullen about it, so I suggested we go to the local game place.   They thought about it, but said no, because David would just run off, and Beth would tell her friends where we are, and that wouldn’t be family, would it?

I thought it would be fun, but after thinking about it, They were right!  They are wise!  Or they know their kids.

Beth had had enough at that point and stomped upstairs, she wanted to see her friends!  David was antsy, he wanted to play on the computer.  Dave and Sabby were not happy with either of them, and it turned into a bit of a row with yelling and stomping and slamming doors.  David ended up grounded from all electronics, and Beth can’t see her friends for a week.

After it all calmed down, it was just me and Dave and Sabby in the living room.  Beth and David were both in their rooms sulking.  They’d come down eventually.

After an awkward silence, I cracked a joke.  “I guess fighting is doing something as a family?”

Dave didn’t seem too pleased with that, but Sabby smirked.  Dave knew he was outnumbered.

“Why don’t we play a game?,” Sabby said.  So we got out a board game.  We started playing.  Dave isn’t all that great with board games, but Sabby’s pretty good.  About halfway through, David and Beth came down and wanted to join.  We finished out the game, and then they joined us in the next one.

Before we knew it, it was dinnertime.  Beth and David had their sentences commuted to time served, and Sabby made dinner.  Did I tell you she’s an excellent cook?  She is!  I love her cooking.

I love being part of a family.  Even the bad parts.

When it was time for bed, Beth and I brushed each others’ hair.  It is so nice to have your hair brushed.  We talked about things until our eyes started to droop, and then we went to bed.  I think I would miss having a sister.  I love her already.

Love you all!!! ❤️

August 3, 2021

This diary entry is part 3 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

I think some days are boring, and yesterday was one of those days.  Well, it started out that way, anyway.  I went grocery shopping with Sabby.  No one else likes to go with her, but I think it’s fun.  All the different foods and people!  We go to a supermarket chain that’s really popular in my state, so there are a lot of people going this way and that throwing stuff in their carts and playing bumper cars!  Some people wear masks, some don’t, no one really cares, and I guess that’s a good thing.

I’ve told you that I love chocolate but I don’t think I’ve ever told you what my favorite food is.  That’s because I really don’t know myself!  I mean, I know what I like.  I like hamburgers and hot dogs and brisket and sausage and lasagna and… and… I like food!  I have friends who are vegetarians and vegans and good for them, but I like meat too much.  Some friends ask me how I can eat things that have feelings, and I say “I want my food to have a good life, and a good death, and to live on in my tummy”.  They don’t really like that.  Don’t care.  Bring me meat, my pretties!!  Muahahaah!

I said before that I don’t really get into political stuff, and I don’t.  I don’t even really keep up with it.  I know some things are bad, and some things are okay, and some are good, but I have my own problems.  So when someone tries to tell me what’s important I ask them if they have my memory.  Of course, they always look at me funny and say “what?”  After making sure they don’t have my memories (of course they don’t) I tell them to help me find my memory and we’ll talk.

They hate that.  They really do.  But that’s what’s important to me.

So we went to the store and I ran into a Karen!  An actual Karen!  I’ve heard about them but never actually ran into one up close.  She was just like everyone said!  The “I want to speak with your manager” haircut, the sunglasses, the flip flops, the clothes two sizes too small, everything!  So Sabby and I were just minding our own business, walking through the bread aisle, when I heard “excuse me!”

Of course, I thought I was in the way, so I moved to the side.  “Excuse me!”, I said, and I got roughly tapped on the shoulder.  I turned around, and there she was, pointing at an empty spot on the shelves.  “Do you have any of these in the back?”

I was confused.  “Why would I have those in the back?”

“You lazy girl!  Go find me what I asked for!”

I just looked at Sabby.  Sabby was not looking happy.  “Is there something I can help you with?,” she asked, in that tone of voice that I’ve come to know means that your next answer had better be a good one.

“I wasn’t talking to you,” – and then she said a word that I’ve only ever heard on Blazing Saddles and was told never to use.  And I was about to find out why.

“Come here, Lily,” she said, and I went to go over to her, but “Karen” grabbed my arm, hard.  “You were helping me. Now go do what I said!”.  It hurt.

Sabby had, apparently had enough.  Sabby just walked over, and calmly kicked her right between her spray-tanned legs.  She crumbled to the ground and screamed “Assault!”,  but let go of me in the process.  I looked at Sabby, confused and a little scared.  She had her phone out.  A few seconds later, I realized she was calling the police.  A manager came running, but Sabby held up a hand.  I piped up, “I think she’s calling the police.”  the manager nodded.  Not much more he could do except wait for them to arrive and keep everyone separated.

The manager asked me what happened, and I told him, while Sabby finished up on the phone.  He asked us all to come to the office.  Sabby said “No.  I will not be alone with her, and if you know what’s good, you’ll keep her away from me.”  Karen was still squealing like a stuck pig, it was kind of amazing, actually, to think such a sound could come out of a human.

A few minutes later, the police arrived.  Karen had recovered a bit, and of course, had a sob story to tell.  Big mean teenage girl assaulted her, then the (insert slur I hinted to above) had the nerve to kick her, and we should both be arrested!  Of course, there was a CCTV, and once the police saw the video, they arrested her and dragged her out of the store through the bread aisle, screaming all the way.  They asked Sabby if she wanted to press charges, and she said “hell yeah!”.  I didn’t really know what that means, even with all the stories, but Sabby explained it.  Hell yeah!  Karen deserves it!

What an adventure!  I should put that on Reddit.  But honestly I don’t like Reddit.  It’s annoying.

The manager offered us a gift card, but Sabby said no.  She “got her own back”, as they say, and she was happy enough with how it turned out.  The manager did ask her politely not to kick any more people between the legs, and Sabby agreed to never do it without a good reason.  Apparently, assaulting me qualified as a good reason.  The manager knew that was the best he was going to get, and left us to finish our shopping.  Then we got home, put our shopping away, and went over the police station to file an official complaint.

I learned two things.  The first thing I learned is that you can kick a woman between the legs and it hurts.  I don’t know if as bad as with a man, but I’m certainly remembering that.

And the second thing I learned is that Sabby will hurt people to protect me.

I don’t like violence, but it still makes me feel all fuzzy inside.  She really means it when she says she loves me!  After all, don’t you protect the ones you love?

So when we got home, we told Dave all about it.  Dave just sat there, listening to everything Sabby said.  Then, after she had told our story, he said simply, “I’m glad it was you, and not me.  I might not have been so nice.”

I looked at him in shop.  He’s such a kind, gentle, silly man!  He’d never hurt a fly!  But what he said next made me feel twice as fuzzy.

“You’re our daughter now, Lily.  No one’s going to hurt you while we’re around.  No one.”

I couldn’t help it.  I ran over to him and threw my arms around him.  This time I didn’t cry, but I really couldn’t help it! He hugged me back.   Sabby just sat there smirking.  “Don’t I get a hug?  I might think you’re trying to take him away from me.”

I blushed, but she was smiling when she said it.  “Oh, you read that.”

She nodded.

“I really was joking,” I said.  I let Dave go.  The blush had left the confines of my face and was currently saying hello to my chest.

Your silly Billy?”

I have never eeped before.  But I swear I eeped.  I actually, honest to God, eeped.  Sabby had decided I’d had enough torment and scooped me up in her arms.  “It’s alright,” she said.  “I know you were joking.”

We let each other go.

“But if you’re ever serious, remember today.”  I don’t think she was entirely joking.  But I nodded anyway.  Message received.  I am a cute sixteen year old girl.  I get it.

“Sabby -“

She smirked.  “You’re a silly Billy, Lily.”

Dave just looked at her, then me, then back at her.

“What are you talking about?”

Sabby laughed.  “I’ll spare Lily any more embarrassment.  What do you want for dinner tonight?  Spaghetti?  Or spaghetti?”

Dave sighed.  He knew when the battle was lost.

“How about spaghetti?”

She patted his knee.  “That’s a wonderful idea!  I’ll go get it started.  I’ll even make that meat sauce you love so much.”

David came down the stairs.  “And parmesan?”

“Lots of parmesan,” she said.

Dinner was, of course, delicious.  She even made garlic bread.  I love garlic bread!

After dinner, I took Sabby aside.

“I really was joking, Sabby.”

“I know, Lily.”

“Please…  Sabby…” I sniffled.  “You’ve been so nice and kind and wonderful to me and I don’t want anything to get in the way of us…”

She hugged me fiercely.  “Lily, it’s going to take a lot more than a little joking and teasing to make me think any less of you.  I love you, Lily, like my own daughter.  Please don’t worry.”

I couldn’t help it.  I started to cry again.

“I really was just teasing and I didn’t mean it and of course I wouldn’t and…  Oh Sabby I would never…”

She patted my back.  “I know.  I know you wouldn’t.”

“I don’t want to lose you Sabby!!!” I wailed.

“Is that something you’re worried about?”

I hesitated, and then nodded.

“Lily, you’re a part of this family, always and forever.  Family doesn’t abandon each other.  I will not abandon you, Lily.”

I sniffled.  “Promise?”

“Promise.”

I let go.

“Why are you so kind to me, Sabby?,” I sniffled.

She seemed lost in thought.  “Because you’re family.”

“But…”

“No,” she said.  “You’re family.  You’ll always be family.  Always and forever.”

“Why?”

“Because we want you to be a part of our family and you need a family.  Do I really need a better reason than that?”

I shook my head.

“Good,” she said.  “I teased you a bit too much.  I didn’t know you felt insecure.  I’m sorry for that.”

I nodded.  “It’s okay.”

She smiled and kissed my forehead.  “I love you, Lily.”

I smiled and lowered my head, accepting the kiss.  Then I pretty much glomped her.  “I love you too, Sabby,” I said, with more feeling than I thought I could ever put in my voice.  I let her go.

“Let’s go get some dessert,” she said.

“We already had some -“

She shushed me.  “We’re women, there’s chocolate in the kitchen, are you seriously going to argue with me about this?”

“No ma’am,” I said, giggling.  And we both had a second helping of dessert.  It was wonderful.

I slept pretty well last night.

Love you all!!! ❤️

 

August 4, 2021

This diary entry is part 4 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

I forgot to mention, we got thunderstorms!  Where I live, thunderstorms in the summer don’t happen a lot, and it’s usually really hot.  But this year we’ve had a lot of rain, and it’s been cool!  Or at least cooler than last year!  When I run I’m not a huge sticky pile of sweat!  Except when it’s really humid.  The other day I was running and I saw lightning and heard thunder!  I ran right home!  Storms are scary!  Not too scary, but scary!  Especially when you’re outside!

I don’t have many memories of thunderstorms, obviously.  One came through earlier this year and the sky was this scary bright blue color!  And a hailstorm came through in my area too!  Cars got damaged!  It’s scary!

But Dave told me something that helps.  If you can hear the thunder, the lightning’s already hit.  Thunder can’t hurt you!

So many things have been happening, I can’t keep track!  The Karen I talked about yesterday was charged with a few things.  Assault on a minor (me), resisting arrest, assault on a police officer.  I don’t understand Karens!  They seem to get an idea in their head and will defend it to the death, even if it’s wrong!  We don’t know when the court date will be, but Sabby doesn’t think we’ll be asked to testify.  They have video, and the other charges don’t need us to be there.  But if we’re needed, we’ll do our part to put her away!  My arm still hurts a little!  I guess she was released because Sabby got a call from her lawyer.  Sabby gave her our lawyer’s number and told her to go away.  I love Sabby, but she’s scary sometimes.

I spent some time with Liz yesterday, and it was nice to spend time with her.  I told Liz about Beth, and Liz wasn’t sure what to think.  She hasn’t forgiven Beth yet on my behalf, and Beth did say some absolutely rotten things about and to me.  But I asked Liz if we could take Beth with us.  She said sure, but she wants time with me as well, Beth is not her best friend.  I agreed, and made sure Beth understood.  We went over to Liz’s house (she lives on my street) and we played games.  Beth and Liz seemed a little awkward with each other, but I guess that’s to be expected.  Beth apologized to Liz, Liz wasn’t quite ready to forgive but she said she’d keep an open mind.  Beth seemed sad at that, but I told her that’s the best she could expect, and she seemed to understand.  Turns out Beth is actually crazy smart.  Immature, I guess, but smart.  We played some board games, and she held her own!  Even Liz was impressed.  A little upset, but impressed.

I asked Beth what she does with her friends all the time.  She says they just go to the convenience store or the library and talk about boys.  She confided in us that it’s not one of her favorite things to do, but it’s what her friends like to do.  She thinks boys are cute, but doesn’t really see what the big deal is.  Turns out she doesn’t know anyone as smart as she is, and she’s settling.

Liz didn’t look happy to hear this.  I know Liz is smart too.  This may be the best or the worst thing ever.

Anyway, I guess after the past few days, boring is good.

After we got home, Beth and I brushed each others’ hair.  I am growing to really enjoy this nighttime ritual with Beth.  She is quite a bit smaller than I am – I’m tall and wiry, she’s shorter and a still has a bit of her baby fat, but she’s surprisingly cuddly. She also lets me practice braiding her hair.  I’m getting better at it!  Almost good enough that the braids survive walking out the door.  Not quite, though.  I really don’t know what it is about us girls having our hair brushed, but it is soooooo relaxing, sometimes my eyes droop closed and I just melt into a little puddle of bliss.  When that happens, my head just starts flopping and she can move it any way she wants, and I don’t even care.  Sometimes Beth will even be saying something and I just zone out and her voice turns into this soft background noise as my mind starts drifting with all sorts of flittering thoughts that make no sense.  It’s so delightful.  She tells me a similar thing happens to her.  I love sharing that.  I sleep better after one of those hair brushing sessions.

I asked Beth to lend me her favorite book.  After some thought, she pulled “A Brief History of Time” from her bookshelf.  What’s a little light reading between sisters?

Anyway, a boring, girly update for today.  Maybe next time I’ll do a boyly update.  Cars!  Fights!  Girls!  Nah.  I’ll leave that to the boys.  I’m a girl, so my updates are girly.  Neener neener.  And I don’t understand boys’ fascinations with our bodies anyway.  They’re just bodies!  We’ve got some floppy bits and some girly bits and some skinny bits and some thick bits.  What’s so great about that?  At least it didn’t storm this morning, and I got a good run in.

Love you all!!!  ❤️

August 5, 2021

This diary entry is part 5 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Yesterday was a boringly boring day.  Sooooo boring.  Nothing interesting to do.  No Karens, Liz had some classes, Beth was out with her friends, David doesn’t care if I live or die (but he’s a kid, so I’m not upset), Dave was working, and Sabby had housecleaning and chores to do.   I could have helped Sabby and I do if she asks, but this time she just seemed to want to get it done, and I just get in the way.  So I just sat on my computer and did stuff.

I’m not really a gamer.  I don’t like to play computer games.  They’re mostly boring.  I think maybe someday I’d like to actually write them, or at least I think that would be more interesting than playing them.  I listen to YouTube, or read fanfiction, or look up things that interest me.  Maybe not the most useful thing, but I don’t have to be busy every minute of every day!  Sabby wants me to be useful, but she also reminds me that I’m young and have a lot more things to learn than most people my age, so she’s okay with me just playing around, within reason.  There are some sites that are off limits, though!  And eww anyway!  Who wants to see that?

But I guess on the net you can’t avoid seeing some things you don’t want to.

Anyway, I looked up Japanese.  All those squiggles!  It’s so hard to even know where to start!  You’ve got squiggles up and squiggles down and squiggles to the left and squiggles to the right, and then they take those squiggles and smash them together to make more squiggles.  I have no idea where I’d even begin with that language.  Maybe I should just find out what the basic squiggles are and start there.  I was reading that they have two alphabets!  Two!  What kind of craziness is that?

The squiggles are kind of pretty though, I’ll give them that.  Our letters are all blocky and angular and even the curvy ones are boring.  But theirs are pretty and artistic and really look nice.  Their language sounds nice too!  Too bad I don’t know anyone in my area who speaks it.  I’ve never seen a Japanese person here.  Not one.  I’ve seen Koreans, but not Japanese.

Sabby tells me that getting those two mixed up is a pretty bad idea.  They gots history!

I saw some Japanese videos on YouTube.  I gotta say it.  Those people are insane!  Hilarious, but insane!  There’s this one game where two girls (I think they were girls, maybe my age) had to blow a cicada in each others’ mouths.  Who comes up with that??  The Japanese, that’s who!  But their shrines are rather pretty, I like them.  And Mount Fuji is really pretty too.  Maybe someday I’ll go.

But, to be quite honest, I have enough to learn here, first, without trying to learn all about a different culture.

Anyway, I went for a run this morning, sadly without Liz this time.  I think she has a free day though so we might spend some time together.  I wish we had more time to spend together.  You know for all the time we’ve spent together we’ve never brushed each others’ hair?  Liz has long, thick, shiny hair.  I wonder what it would be like to brush it!  I’ll ask her if she wants to.

Well, like I said, it’s a boringly boring update, full of boring boringness, with a sprinkle of boring.  But then, you’ve got me to tell it to you!  Ta-da!  Me, the tall, cute sixteen year old with too many exclamation points and no memories!  Maybe that makes it interesting!

Nah.  Not even I can make that boringly boring-inated boring update interesting.  But I can try!!!

Love you all!!!  ❤️

August 6, 2021

This diary entry is part 6 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

It’s Friday!  Yaaaay!  Oh, wait.  I don’t work and school’s out.  Well, I’m sure some of y’all are happy it’s Friday.  So yaaaay for you!  Yaaaaay!  We’ll do the Friday dance!

I don’t know what the Friday dance is, but I did it.  I just kinda wiggled in my chair a bit.  Yaaaay Friday!!!

I haven’t told you where I live, but I’ve been dropping hints.  Have you picked up on them yet?

So nothing interesting’s happened.  It’s another boringburger, boringly boring day.   I wonder if they’re going to make us go back to school or if we’re going to do remote learning again.  I don’t really mind remote learning, frankly, I haven’t ever gone to school.  Sabby likes remote learning because she can hear what the teacher is teaching us.  Once she sat in on one of Beth’s classes, just offscreen, and I don’t know what the teacher said, but she went off.  I’ve never seen her so angry.  She was talking seriously about pulling all of us out of school and teaching us from home.  She decided against it, but she’s been randomly sitting in on classes without the teacher knowing.  Word seems to have spread, because the teachers have been really, really careful.

I saw an old episode of the Cosby Show on YouTube and Sabby reminds me of Claire Huxtable.  They look a little bit alike, but when Sabby goes off, she reminds me so much of Claire Huxtable, especially when she says “I won’t have it!”  I showed Sabby, and she laughed.  “Where do you think I got that from?”, she said.  “Bill Cosby wasn’t exactly a shining example of a man, but that was one funny show.”

I asked her what Bill Cosby did.  She wouldn’t tell me.  She said to look it up if I really wanted to know.  Quite honestly, I really don’t want to know.  I prefer to think of him as Cliff Huxtable, silly, funny family man.  Kind of like Dave, come to think of it, but Dave is nice in real life too.

That’s one really neat thing about having no memories – and there aren’t many neat things.  But I don’t know any of these things.  so if I don’t want to know, I don’t have to know.  I think Sabby knows that too.  Not telling me some things is a gift she gives me, and I think deliberately too.

However, there are some things they did have to tell me that I should have already known.  I remember when Sabby and Dave gave me “The Talk”.  How embarrassing!  I mean, it was informative and everything, but… embarrrassing!  And confusing!  How does that fit there?  Oh well.  Maybe someday I’ll find out.  Maybe.  A long time from now.  Hear me, Sabby?  A LONG TIME FROM NOW.

There.

It’s not that I don’t like boys.  I do!  They are cute, and confusing, and it’s so adorable when they try to be all macho and impressing but just end up being silly billies!  I’ve caught them staring at me before, and I won’t lie, it’s a really nice feeling.  It even makes me feel a little tingly inside.  But I just don’t want all that complication.  My life is complicated enough.  Maybe someday I’ll know what it’s like to kiss someone, but I just…  I just can’t.  Not now.

I’m pretty sure I don’t like girls that way, either!  I mean, I like cuddles and hair brushing and all the fun stuff us girls do together, but that’s all it could ever be.  When Beth and I cuddle it’s like a big warm teddy bear that breathes and snores and mumbles, and I love how it feels to cuddle a big warm teddy bear that breathes and snores and mumbles.  But she’s not like a boy, not at all.

Life is confusing sometimes, but not that confusing.

Well, I should probably take a shower before I get into more trouble.  I promised Sabby I’d keep this blog kid-safe.  That’s about as far down that road as I can safely go.  So no more.

Weekend tomorrow!  One thing I do love about weekends is Dave doesn’t have to work so we do things as a family sometimes!  Like go to the waterpark!  Or… go to the waterpark!  Or maybe, I dunno… go to the waterpark!!!

Not hinting!  But it is fun to go to the waterpark, and I like it when Dave isn’t working and we can all do fun stuff together!  And that’s what I love about weekends.  So I guess Fridays are good anyway!  It means the weekend is here!  And we can all do something fun!

I know, not every week, but still.  I love having a family to do fun stuff with!

Fridaaaaaayyyy!!! YAAAAAAAYYYYY!!!

Love you all!!!! ❤️ Oh, and you’re all silly billies too.  All of you.  Sillllyyyyyy billlliiiiiiesssssss!!!!!  Silly billy filly milly hilly yilly…  silly!!!!  Like me!!! Ok bye!!!

August 7, 2021

This diary entry is part 7 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Beth!

You thought it was going to be Lily, didn’t you?  Well, it usually is, obviously, but Lily agreed to let me guest post.  She gets to look at it before I hit the button though!

I didn’t actually know Lily posted on a blog like this until a couple of days ago.  It’s not the coolest thing ever, I mean, who blogs anymore?  It’s all TikTok or Twitch or whatever, but she seems happy with it, and she’s a silly girl.  So I guess whatever works for her, right?

I remember when I first met Lily.  My parents brought her home, and she looked so scared and alone.  I hated her.  My life was perfect and she just came in and ruined it all!  At least that’s what I thought.  My mom was always spending time with her, and I hated that!  My mom belonged to me!  Not her!

I called her so many names, names I can’t repeat here.  All she ever did was cry, especially in that first week.  After a while, when I would tease her or call her names or tell her I hated her, all she did was just look at me with those big, sad eyes of hers.  Her eyes are so expressive, it’s like you can look at them and know just what she’s thinking or feeling without saying a word!  Eventually I started to feel bad.  She didn’t do anything to me, not really, and she’s just a sad, lonely, and confused girl.

But I didn’t really say anything to her until Lily day, when we went to the waterpark.  I was a little cheesed that she got a day of her own, but my mom told me to suck it up, I get a birthday, and who knows when her birthday is?  That’s when I really started to feel horrible about how I’d treated her.  She doesn’t know what her name is.  She doesn’t even know what her birthday is.  And I’m jealous because my mom gives her a little extra attention?  I’m such a selfish girl!

And we went to the waterpark.  She was having so much fun with Liz, like when Liz fell in and then pulled her in, and I just kind of sat there in my bikini on the edge of the pool and wiggled my toes in the water.  She’s gone through so much and yet she’s so happy and cheerful!  A boy sat next to me and we talked for a bit.  He was cute, but…  my mind was elsewhere.  Eventually he got up and left.  I mean, really. I’m only fourteen anyway!

So finally, we were watching a movie, and I just decided I’d had enough of being angry and jealous and mean.  So I did what any self respecting girl would do, and cuddled up to her and fell asleep.  You should have seen the look on her face!  But then she started stroking my hair, and it was so nice, just like I imagined having a sister would be like.  But she didn’t say anything.  I was so worried that she wouldn’t forgive me.

But she did!  She did forgive me!  I was so relieved, I started crying!  And she’s so nice!  Even though I hurt her she wants to be my sister!  But now we do so much together, and every night we brush each others’ hair, and we cuddle together on movie nights, and, and….  it’s amazing!  I love having a sister!  Especially one like Lily!

Oh, Lily, don’t cry!!!

I know I hurt her, and I’m so sorry for that.  Liz hasn’t forgiven me yet, and I don’t blame her.  But… but maybe we can move on and be a family together.

Last night we watched a movie together, and like Lily says, she’s a big warm teddy bear that I just love cuddling with.  I didn’t see the whole movie because I fell asleep.  She kept stroking my hair and, well, I can’t stay awake when someone’s stroking my hair!  It’s so nice!  She’s so nice!

Maybe Lily will let me guest post sometimes.  I’m glad she let me this time.  I’m sorry, Lilly!  I’m sorry, Liz!  I really am!  I wish I could take it all back, but I’m glad I’m your sister now!  Liz, please forgive me!  Please!  I’ll be nice!  I promise!!!

Lily loves you all!!!  And so do I!  ❤️

August 8, 2021

This diary entry is part 8 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

Lily is a sad Lily today.  Not a silly billy Lily like some days.  I was out on a run this morning and found an injured bird.  It had a broken wing.  It was sitting there, all huddled on the ground, and obviously in a lot of pain.

What could I do, though?  I ran home and got a kennel, and got Dave to drive me out to where the bird was.  We gently put the bird in the kennel and brought it home.  Poor thing was scared and in a lot of pain.  We looked up a wildlife rehabilitator (thankfully in this area there are quite a few) and one was open at 8.  So we drive a few miles up and dropped the poor thing off.  They told us it was probably not going to survive, but they’d give it the best chance they could.

Sometimes life is good, and sometimes life sucks.  I think I see what Sabby means now about life being not fair.  That bird didn’t ask to have a broken wing!  It was just going along and doing bird things, and it broke its wing!  How?  It got hit by a car?  It ran into a window?  I don’t know.  But, Lily, there are plenty of birds out there!  Yes, but that one was hurt!  I found that one!!!

Sabby said it wasn’t fair that I lost my memory, too.  Out of all the people on this planet, I was the one to be found on the side of the road with no memory, just like that little bird was found on the side of the road with a broken wing.  It’s just how life works.  Sometimes you’re just humming along, having a good time, and bam.  Life hits.  And something gets destroyed.  A wing.  Or memories.

And Sabby took me in, just like the rehabilitator took that little bird in.  I’m sure they’ll give it food and water and safety, but maybe that won’t be enough.  Maybe Dave and Sabby won’t be enough for me.  Sometimes life just hits too hard, and things die.

Normally we’d go to church, but I didn’t want to.  Besides, church was already started by the time we got home from the rehabilitator.  So I just went up to my room and curled up in bed.  No silly billy Lily, just sadness.

Sabby came up, though.  She knew it affected me, but she didn’t know why.  She sad down on the side of my bed.

“It hurts, doesn’t it?,” she said.

I nodded.  I didn’t really want to speak.

“Do you remember what I said about maybe you’d understand someday?  About how life isn’t fair?  About why we ask you to go to church?”

I just laid there.  I didn’t have anything to say.  She reached out and brushed my hair off my forehead.  I closed my eyes.

“You couldn’t let that bird lay there dying, could you?”

I shook my head.  Tears were threatening.

“That’s why I took you in, Lily.”  She cupped my face and wiped a tear from my eye with her thumb.  I leaned into her touch, and the tears started flowing for real.  I threw off the blankets and clung to her for dear life, sobbing it out.  She rubbed my back.

“It’s not fair, Lily.  But you were there for that little bird.  I was there for you.  Do you understand now?”

I nodded, and rested my head on her shoulder.

“Life’s not fair, but that doesn’t mean we can’t try to make it better.”

I wiped the tears from my eyes.

“I understand now,” I said quietly.  “I wish I didn’t.”

She chuckled.  ‘No one wants to understand, Lily.  But everyone finds their own bird on the side of the road.  It’s what we do when we find it, that matters.  You couldn’t leave it there.”  She gently pushed my back, and raised my chin with her fingertip.  “You’re a good girl, Lily.  I wish I could say I raised you that way.  But I’m glad I found you.”

She kissed my forehead.  I lowered my forehead in that now familiar way, and accepted the kiss.  She rubbed the top of my head and stood up.

“Now take a shower,” she said.  “You don’t want to be all smelly when we go to the waterpark.”

I suddenly felt a bit happier.  “We’re going to the waterpark?”

“How could we not?  After all those hints…”

“I wasn’t…”

“No matter.  We’re going.  It’s decided.  Beth and David want to go too.  So go take a shower so we can go.”

It was a sad morning.  I’m still a little sad.  But the bird is in good hands.  I’m in good hands.  We’re going to the waterpark.  I don’t think Liz can go, but that’s okay.  Beth and I are getting along now, we’ll make do.  (I love you, Liz, but you have your classes!  I’m sorry!)

So I’m wearing my swimsuit under my clothes now and we’re going to the waterpark!  It started out a bad day.  But maybe it will end a better day.  I love you, Sabby.  With all my heart.

Love you all!!!!  ❤️

August 9, 2021

This diary entry is part 9 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

OMG I AM SO EMBARRASSED!!!

So yesterday we went to the waterpark.  We got to the waterpark and we were all having a good time.  I went down the waterslide and LOST MY TOP!!!!!

OMG!!!

So I didn’t know it happened and I was just sitting there in the water, still coming off the adrenaline of sliding down the slide, and Beth was frantically waving her arms at me.  I waved back, and she screamed “no!  look down!”.  So I did.

OMG THEY WERE FLOATING IN THE WATER…. AND I WAS COLD!!!!

So I immediately covered the girls with my hands and yelled at Beth to find my top.  She was giggling like a schoolgirl, well, because she is a schoolgirl, but she looked for it, and NO ONE KNEW WHERE IT HAD GONE!!!!!

So I went to get out of the pool, still covering them with my hands, and several boys were staring!  I gave them the stink eye!  Sabby ran up to me with a towel and covered me up, and gave the boys the stink eye too.

“See something interesting?”, she said, with just a hint of threat in her voice.

They looked away, but I caught them giving me quick glances.

I know I know I said in another post “what’s the big deal, it’s just a body”, but people were staring.  AAAAAGGGGGHHHHH.

So finally they found my top and Sabby held up the towel while I put it back on, and my entire body was beet red, I was blushing so hard.  Sabby was smirking.

“What’s so funny?,” I growled sulkily.

“Really, Lily.  Would you have found it funny if it were anyone else?”

I lowered my head and murmured quietly, “prolly.”

She patted my shoulder.  “It’s just a body,” she said quietly.

I sighed.  She had mirrored my exact words.  I had covered up, so I gave the towel back to Sabby and walked proudly back to the stairs of the slide.  A bit too proudly, because I caught the boys staring again. I glared at them.  They had the decency to look away.

I climbed the stairs and went down again.  I kept my top that time.

You know, looking back on it, it’s really not a big deal.  So some people saw my floppy bits.  Oh well.  It could have been a lot worse.  My girly bits were never in danger.  And even if they were, oh well.  Half of us got ’em anyway.

After we got home, I told Liz what happened, and I thought she was going to fall over laughing.  She was clutching her sides and everything.  I didn’t think it was that funny, but I guess it was a little funny.  When I said I wanted to make new memories, I didn’t mean that!

Well, then what did I mean, after all?

I guess…  I guess I kinda meant that after all.  Good memories, bad memories, this was just an embarrassing but funny memory.  The kind you tell your kids about.

Beth told me she hopes she looks like me when she’s my age.  So at least there’s that.

I called the shelter about the bird.  It didn’t make it.   But everyone did everything they could for it, and I guess that’ll have to be enough.  I hope it died somewhat comfortably.  Better than expiring on the side of the road, don’t you think?

Only a little better, but in this life, we take what we can.

Other than the most embarrassing moment of my life (that I can remember), and the little bird, nothing interesting happened.  It’s the start of another week.  School’s starting in just a few weeks, and I have no idea if we’ll actually be going or not.  Sabby is actually starting to talk seriously about home schooling us.  Truthfully, I kinda hope she does, though I was looking forward to doing sports.  But who knows if we’d do sports this year anyway.  I think she’ll be a great teacher.  She’s really smart.  And Beth can probably teach me some stuff too.

Love you all!!! ❤️

August 10, 2021

This diary entry is part 10 of 30 in Lily's diary dated 02 - August 2021

Hi!  It’s me! Lilly!

Well, I’m not as embarrassed anymore, I guess.  Yeah, some boys saw my floppy bits.  Oh well.  Nothing to be done about it now.  I guess these things just happen.  I’m more upset about the bird dying, but nothing to be done about that either.

Yes, I know the real names!  But this is a family friendly blog!  So I’m not going to call them what they’re supposed to be called, they’re floppy bits and girly bits, so there!  I promised Sabby!  But some things aren’t easy to talk about without using some kind of name, I guess!!

I was wrong!  School starts next week!!!  Oh no!!!  Sabby still hasn’t decided what to do, and she tells me the social workers are being a little stubborn about my going to school.  Sabby may have to let me go, at least until she can officially adopt me.  The interference seems to be happening again – I don’t understand it.  Sabby told me that the social workers were telling her that we’d have to do all sorts of stuff to adopt me – petition the court, file all sorts of papers, give Beth up as a sacrifice – kidding! But it looked so insurmountable, and then something happened again and they said someone really high up intervened.  So we’ll still have to see a judge, but I just have to agree to it, and all of the social workers, etc., have been ordered to not fight it.  Who ordered them?  They won’t tell us.  We don’t know.  But someone is really looking out for me.

At least I hope they’re looking out for me.

But I can’t wait to be an officially official Smith!!!  A real Smith!!!  Dave and Sabby’s daughter!!!  Oh, I love the sound of that!  I love Dave, that big ol’ balding silly billy, and Sabby, that not so big ol’ motherly silly billy, and Beth, my new silly billy sister, and even David!  And the cat!  I love the cat too!  Even though it always washes its butt!  Ewwww!  It’s a silly billy too!  But a cuddly one.

They say it could only be a month or so.  We just have to get on the docket.  It’s amazing how helpful social workers can be when they’re ordered to.

Oh, don’t get me wrong.  Mine have been awesome!  Or at least as awesome as government workers in a government bereaucracy can be.  But apparently someone greasing the wheels a bit makes them even more awesome!

Our lawyer is also trying to figure out what to do about my lack of birthday.  He’s going to petition the court to assign me one when the adoption goes through.  I’m going to ask for Lily Day.  Would that make me sixteen?  Or seventeen?  I guess we’ll decide then.  Maybe we’ll ask my doctor what he thinks.  As they keep telling me, this is truly unprecedented.  They can’t think of anyone else in the first world who doesn’t know when they were born, and neither does anyone else.

Well, nothing interesting going on, I just got back from a run and didn’t find a dying bird so yay?  I did see a jackrabbit, though.  They’re cute.  Furry little silly billy rabbits, hopping around doing rabbit things.  And squirrels!  I see lots of squirrels!  They’re cute little silly billy nut hoarders.  I saw little animals, I kept my top on, I had a run, and now I’m going to shower!  It’s a good day!

Love you all!!!  ❤️