Month: August 2023

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

So I spent some time last night watching YouTube videos with Yuki.  She was really famous!  They had interviews where she was cute and funny, and she did lots of concerts and even variety shows.  She had so much stuff going on, and she was much beloved in Japan.  I even saw articles from when she announced her graduation, and she even had a huge concert.  And then…  gone.  No one knew what happened to her and people kept asking, but no one found out.  She just vanished off the face of the earth.

And, I guess, ended up in Texas.

I wonder if I should post this here, but I don’t suppose it matters all that much.  It’s written in English and very few people from Japan will see this, and even if they do…  it turns out she’s not using her given name anyway, so good luck putting all the pieces together.  I’ll only keep calling her Yuki here, it’s the least I can do.

Anyway, I texted her and asked her about it.  She took a while replying, and then said, simply… “People think they know me.  They don’t.  I can’t set foot in Japan without getting mobbed.  You don’t care.  And that’s worth everything to me.”

Well…  long story short, I invited her to my birthday party.  I said she doesn’t have to bring a gift, just herself.  She asked me why I invited her, I think she was a little suspicious.  And truthfully I don’t blame her.  I mean, I wasn’t going to, then I found out she was an idol, then I did.  Sounds fishy, really.  It’s not, I really don’t care, but I see how it could.

So it took me a while to get the words right.  I just said “I wanted to share it with you.”

She took a while to respond, and then just said “I’ll come.”

I told her I didn’t know what they were going to do either, the girls are still being maddeningly good at keeping a secret, but whatever it is, I’m sure it’ll be fun, and there’ll be lots of chocolate.  Or, at least, there better be lots of chocolate.

I’m usually not wrong about these things.  She’s so popular in Japan.  People are still asking what happened to her.  And yet…  I get the feeling that she might be the most lonely person I know right now.

Well…  we’ll see what we can do about that.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s just another Wednesday.

I had class with Yuki today, and we got into a bit of trouble for being too chatty.  Bad me!!!  But I did invite her to have dinner with us tonight (after checking with Sabby).  It’s cool enough out (and that’s not really cool, but at least not 100) that Dave’s grilling tonight.  Yuki’s never been to a real American grilling.  So… she came over tonight.

I think David has a crush on her – but he has a crush on everyone.

She really liked the grilled chicken – with all the fixins…  she’s not a very big girl, but she sure fit a lot in there.  Haha!!!  Don’t blame her, Dave’s grilling is the best.

Afterwards we just sat around and chatted for a while.  She didn’t really seem to want to talk about her life in Japan, and I didn’t push.  Every time I asked, she changed the subject.  She’s really good at that.  Haha.  I played piano a little for her, and she seemed to really like it.  She asked me if I knew a particular j-pop song.  I didn’t but found the sheet music online.  I’d never heard of the group before, but the song was okay.  Not too hard.

She’s really good!  Even knew the dances and everything!  She looked a little embarrassed when I stopped, though… and a little wistful somehow.

Anyway, after that, I introduced her to some of the really good chocolate my “benefactor” sent and, she likes chocolate almost as much as I do!  We destroyed some of it!  WORTH IT!!! Hahaha!!!!

I took her home…  when we were back at her host house, she fidgeted a little…  then told me to look up the Jpop group that I had the sheet music to.  Then she bowed and hustled inside.

After I got home, I looked it up.

I saw a few performances.

The group was on stage, in an concert hall with like twenty or thirty thousand people, with glow sticks and chanting and everything.  And…  there was Yuki.  Right there, in the middle.  Microphone on her head, cute outfit, twintails, everything.

No wonder she was so good at the dances!

Wow.  She’s… an actual Jpop idol.  Or… she was, anyway.

That’s why I haven’t told you the group.  She seems to want to keep it to herself for a reason.  And… I don’t blame her.  I’ve heard stories.

I need to ask her about that.  After all, she seemed to want me to know.  I wonder why she told me so fast.  Am I going to have another sister?

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I was reading back some of my old diary entries from when I first met Jack, nearly two years ago.  Has it been that long already?? Wow!!!  But I read an entry soon after I got home, when we were facing the prospect of a long distance relationship, where Sabby said that sometimes you have decide what you want to give up for someone.

Sabby’s always right.  I hate that Sabby’s always right.  Especially about these things.

In a year, either Jack or I are going to have to give up something very important.  I may have to give up going to Japan for school, and I really want to.  I’m not exactly sure what he’d have to give up, but it’s something.  Either time with me, home, or… something else.  I don’t know.  We have a while to figure it out, but it’s going to happen, and I’m not sure how it’s going to turn out.

There’s a “nuclear” option but it’s one that neither of us are ready for, I don’t think.  I mean, spouses are allowed in Japan when one person is on a student visa…

I’m trying not to think about it.  We have a year.  But…  it’s just “kicking the can down the road”, as Dave likes to say.  Dave has all sorts of fun sayings.

Yuki and I have been texting, a little.  We both have a lot of homework and we’re in the same group, so…  she seems really nice.  I do need to ask her over soon.

Sabby wants to take me for a spa day on Friday, before my party.  I have classes, but I think we can work around it.  I love spa days!  I’m not sure why she’s making such a big deal over it, I guess we’ll see what the party is.  It’s weird, it’s not a surprise party, I know it’s going to happen, but I know absolutely nothing else about it.  Aww.  Girls are really, really, MADDENINGLY good at keeping a secret.  They even temporarily kicked me out of the group chat.  AWWWWW.

They said I can rejoin after the party.

Oh well,  Yuki’s nice to talk to I think.  I told Ai about her.  She wants to meet her someday.

Oh, it’s a bit cooler today!  Not COOL.  It’s still upper 90s.  But at least it’s not 105.  Small blessings and all that, I guess.

There’s been this anime/manga that’s gotten really popular lately and one of the main characters is named Ai.  I don’t think Ai likes that much, but what can you do?

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Beth and I went to classes today.  They started just last week so this was the first class for this particular topic.  They had us go around the room and introduce ourself.  There’s a girl there who speaks with a Japanese accent and has a Japanese name!!!

So we were told to pair up into groups and we ended up together!  We’ll be working together for the rest of the semester!!!

Her name’s Yuki and she seems really nice, smart too.  Her English isn’t great but she seems to be doing okay.  I wonder how she ended up in Texas, of all places?  And attending the college I’m attending?  Usually Japanese people go to a more… prestigious University.  I think it’ll be fun to get to know her.  She seemed impressed that I can speak Japanese as well as I can.

I asked her where she lives and she says she lives with a host family, she’s here on a student visa.  I gave her my phone number and she gave me hers.  Yay!  New friend!!!  Maybe I’ll invite her over sometime to have some real Sabby food.  I thought about inviting her to my birthday party but that seems a bit intense for someone I just met, right?

She’s a little mysterious, though.  She carries herself very confidently.  Like she’s had training.  She’s very pretty and seems very skilled with makeup.  She wears very nice clothes.  And she asked me if I knew much about J-Pop.  I said I only really know a little, and she seemed relieved.  I wonder why that was.

Anyway, it’s a little cooler today!  It was even “cool” enough to do some stuff outside this evening without getting roasted!!!

All the girls are still chattering about my birthday party but won’t tell me anything.  Awww.  But I guess that’s just what sisters do, right?

Thankfully, no dreams or anything like that.  I still don’t know what to make of any of it.  Sabby suggested maybe I should pray.  Maybe I should.  I don’t really have anything to lose, right?

Oh and in all the ruckus yesterday I forgot to mention it rained a little!!!!  First time in months!!! Or at least one of very very few times!!! Yayyy!!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And, umm…  it just gets weirder.

So, as we do most Sundays, we went to church.  You know, putting on some nice clothes, piling into the car, going in and shaking hands and hugging old ladies, you know, that kind of thing.  And we did all the stand up sit down sing and chant kind of stuff, you know, the churchy stuff.  But then the pastor got up and started his sermon.

He said he was going to step down for a few weeks for reflection.  And then he said that he experienced something this week that completely threw him for a loop.  And he made the sermon about keeping an open mind, but not so open that your brain falls out.

That’s pretty funny.

But I think I know what he’s talking about.

He told us the assistant pastor would take his place for that time, and that he was fine, just needed some time to study and reflect.

After church I of course went up to him and asked him whether I was the reason he was stepping down for a while.  He must have seen the worry in my face because he took me into his office.  He sat down behind his desk, and I sat in front of it.

“Lily,” he said, “I can tell you that I’ve never experienced anything like that in my life.  In fact, I called up a few pastor friends and they told me they’d never heard of that either.  A couple actually refused to believe it at all.  But, there it is, and you have a…  flower of unknown origin… to show for it.”  He sighed.  “My faith is fine, but…  I’m not sure where this fits into it.” He learned forward.  “Lily, we’re taught from the day we become a Christian that God has power, and manifests it through Jesus.  We’re taught to pray, and expect answers to prayer… we’re taught that anything’s possible with God…”  He leaned back again.  “We’re not really taught to expect him to speak quite that directly,” he said.  “Some other sects expect that… well… more than mine.”

“You do think it was God?”

“I do,” he said, with a hint of wonder in his voice.  “Everything I’ve ever learned says he doesn’t behave that way, and yet… there it is.  I just… need some time to reflect on it.  To talk with some of my fellow pastors.  Maybe my bishop.  Don’t worry, I won’t tell them who you are.”

I wasn’t really worried about that, but I appreciated the gesture nonetheless.

“Lily,” he said, “you’re clearly a very special girl.  I’ve never met anyone like you, and,” he darkly chuckled, “I don’t think I ever will again.  Whatever your gifts are, be thankful for them.  You were given them for a reason.”

He got up and gave me a quick “side-hug” (he’s a nice man) and I went back to my family, who was waiting for me.

Sabby just looked at me questioningly.

“It’s fine,” I said.  “I think I broke him.”

I haven’t seen Sabby laugh that hard in a while.  She was still chuckling as we headed to the car.  And the chocolate pancakes were delicious as always.

This afternoon, I went to Jack’s birthday party.  It wasn’t a raucous affair, but there was me and Grace and his family, and a few of his workmates and classmates.  They had cake and ice cream and his family bought him a car too!!! That’s nice of them.  It’s not a fancy car but it’s nice enough, and he really appreciated it.  They also gave him a subscription to one of those learning websites.  I guess there was hint there, heh.

We didn’t get any time alone but that’s not the point of a party anyway, and Grace had a great time, with chocolate smeared all over her face and a huge grin.  That’s a girl after my own heart!

I did give him a big birthday kiss.  I think it lasted a bit too long.  His workmates started cat-calling, his classmates seemed a bit uncomfortable, and his parents started clearing their throats and tapping their feet.  WORTH IT!!!

I go back to class tomorrow.  I wonder what this week will bring.

Foreshadowing?  How should I know???

Hahaha!!!

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Well…  I didn’t write last night.  There was a pretty good reason for that.  I’m ok, don’t worry.  Well, I’m mostly okay.

So yesterday was Friday.  I didn’t sleep well.  Every time I’d drop off to sleep I’d wake up with a start.  I woke up pretty bleary eyed and not feeling too great.  But I did my run anyway.  Everything just feels… off.  Like I’m living someone else’s life.  I mean, why do all these things happen to me?  From what I was told, I was just a bystander, and stuff…  happened.  It’s not fair.  It’s not fair!!!

But it does explain a lot, I think.  I’ve wondered often why I never seem to fight too much with my sisters, or more accurately, why they never really seem to fight with me.  I just seem to attract people.  Even before, I thought it was the weirdest thing.  The owner told me I was like his own daughter (and we still keep in touch).  Even the guys who assaulted me seemed attracted to me for some reason.  Karens, well, they’re gonna karen no matter what.  But I just collect sisters like some people collect trading cards.  Even Katie wanted Sabby and I to be in her baby daughter’s life!!!  That never happens!!!

Well… don’t say never… but it’s really unusual, isn’t it?

And then what happened in the Japanese garden, with Crystal!  I mean, yes, it’s a peaceful place, and yes, it’s a place many people go when they want to find peace and healing, but I just touched the back of her neck and it all got better!  Isn’t that weird, after all?  I’ve never heard of that before!

And Beth!!!  Beth hated me!  And then one day, she just decided she wanted to be my sister.  Even though she’s been jealous a little after that, she’s always been my sister from then!!! That doesn’t happen!  Usually they either hate you forever or it takes long time for people to trust you, but it was like a light switch with her.  Remember?  She just said “I always wanted a sister” and got all cuddly.

It doesn’t seem to quite work the same with boys, (THANKFULLY) but Jack knew he wanted me from the moment he laid eyes on me, and that usually doesn’t happen either.  Of course it’s not unheard of, but it’s not usual.  And he’s stuck with me for almost two years now.

And I’m pretty sure it’s not because I have nice floppy bits.  Okay, not JUST because I have nice floppy bits.  They are nice..  Firm and squishy and… ummm…

Ahem.

So I was in a funk yesterday.  I still kind of am.  Sometimes I look at that lycoris radiata – I still don’t exactly know what it’s made of, it’s not like anything I’ve ever touched before – and there’s a very small light shining inside it, almost imperceptible even at night, but it’s there.  I guess I could have it tested, but…  that might ruin it, and it’s a gift in a way, so I just have to live with it.  It doesn’t seem harmful, in fact, it’s a little warm to the touch and a little bit comforting.  I did have Dave run a geiger counter next to it just to be sure, and it’s perfectly safe radiation-wise.

My “benefactor” did send a courier, along with a note.  Apparently, our terms are acceptable.  Which is good, because I’m not sure what would have happened if they weren’t.  We sent back an address and time, as well as a few cookies.

Anyway, the girls came over last night.  You know how some nights we make about one of the girls?  Like a few times Crystal became the guest of honor and we pampered the snot out of her?  Well… that’s what they did for me last night.  They put me in my pajamas and then washed my hair and massaged my scalp (oh I looooove it when people do that) and gave me a makeover (they didn’t change much but oh how good the hair and face feels) and one even rubbed warm oil on my feet and I just turned into a warm gooey puddle of melted-lily.  No, silly-billies, it was all perfectly innocent, but I’ll tell you, having four girls just doting on me like that, by the end I had no sensible thoughts in my brain except “oh, this is sooooooooo nice”.  One even fed me chocolate!!! Then after they were done, they sandwiched me in a girl pile and whispered soothing things at me and played with my hair until I went to sleep.

And oh what a restful sleep it was.  Sometimes I’d wake up and they’d be right there, plopped all over me or snuggling with me or whatever, and I just went right back to sleep again.

That’s why I didn’t post.  They wouldn’t let me.  Every time I tried they just found something else to do and I just drifted off into a haze again.

Anyway, I woke up pretty rested.

I love my sisters, and it seems they really love me too.

Maybe…  maybe having this kind of a “gift”, whatever it is, isn’t such a bad thing after all.  Not because of what they do for me, but because…  because we want to do that for each other, you know?  We really are sisters.

Today we spent the day together – it feels so much, sometimes, like there’s nothing that can hurt me while they’re around.  It’s hot, as usual, but we just went to the mall and did girl-stuff together (boys have this stupid idea of what girl-stuff is, but…  do you boys really think browsing the feminine hygiene aisle and stocking up is hot?  silly-billies) and I feel a lot better tonight.

But I still have no idea what’s going on.  There’s still stuff that I don’t know, and I might find out in a couple of weeks, and that actually scares me a little.

But I didn’t really find out anything today, and…  I’m very happy about that.  The last few days were a bit much, don’t you think?

Maybe my “gift” (I don’t know for sure) helps me attract sisters.  And i love them and do everything I can for them.  But…  it works for me too, and I’m very, very thankful for that.

Tomorrow is Jack’s birthday party.  I’ll get to meet some of his other friends!!!

Love you all!!!  ❤️

Especially my sisters!

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And oh boy did it hit the fan today.

Well, first: Today is Jack’s birthday.  His party is this weekend, but I went over to spend some time with him anyway,  We didn’t get any time alone, but that’s okay.  It was nice to spend some time with him and his family.

Grace is cute as always!  And she had much to tell me.

Anyway, when I got home, a courier had come by and had a letter waiting for me, along with a package.

Lily,

Your diary last night caused quite a stir, and has changed a few things in our community.  

I would like to attend your birthday party, along with a guest.  Please let me know if this is acceptable, and let me know time and place.  Other than my guest, I will come alone, though I’m sure you understand that there will be security forces within easy reach.  I promise, I come in peace.  Especially given the revelations of last night, it is now time to “come clean”, as it were.  I will tell you what I am able.  You are and always have been a completely innocent party.

Please accept my early birthday present as a token of goodwill.

Your “Benefactor”

Oh… my…

I opened the package, and sure enough, there was a pile of the good chocolate – you know, the stuff that you have to import, and not cheap either.  Also, there was another box inside, which I was asked not to open until my “benefactor” was present with me.  So I set that aside and will do so.

I talked to Sabby, and she’s a little nervous about it.  I don’t blame her.  But my “benefactor” has already proven they know where I live, and has even ordered cookies from our store multiple times, so I don’t think there’s any danger.  I mean, I haven’t done anything wrong, but Sabby said neither had a certain former president and he got arrested tonight, so…  she doesn’t trust them.

But…  how else am I going to know?

Benefactor, I accept.  Send a courier tomorrow, and we will provide the information you request.  But, to assuage Sabby’s worries, we’re going to give you a very public place to meet us.  She doesn’t trust someone as high up in the government, and you yourself said “We are honorable, but not always honest”.  I don’t imagine that if you had nefarious intentions, that would stop you, but please understand.  She’s being a lion.  That’s Sabby.  Once she’s comfortable, we’ll take you to the actual place.

I have no idea how I’m going to sleep now.  This… is a lot.

And that’s not even talking about all the conversations we had about what happened yesterday, but I’m going to save that for another day.  And there were a lot of them.

Sabby’s going to have to write it down, though.  I don’t know where the party will be either.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

I… had a dream.

It was so real.

Remember that dream I told you about a long time ago?  I can’t remember exactly when, let me look it up.  Oh.  Here it is.  It was very much like that dream, I was in the field again, and I was a little girl.  The sky was perfect blue, the clouds puffy, the temperature was perfect.  There were fruits and breads on the blanket, and some juices too.  And the woman who was there in my last dream, was there, with me.

‘Yuriko”, she said, her voice melodious.  “Or, Lily, now.”

“Vanessa Rittenhouse?”, I asked, my voice a little higher than I’m used to.

“I was once known as that, yes,” she said.  “I’ve been given permission to visit you one final time.  Ask me any question.  I will answer if I can.”

“What can’t you answer?,” I asked.

“Ask me and find out,” she said softly.

“What happened to my memories?”, I asked.

She chuckled softly.  “You went right for it, I see.  That’s my Yuriko.  Well, the answer is, we don’t know.  We had taken you to work with us to see the experiment we were doing.  The experiment failed.  We don’t know how.  No one where I am will tell me, except to say that we shouldn’t have done it.  You were far enough away from the experiment that it didn’t hurt you.  Well… much.  We…  were not so lucky.”

“What was the experiment?”, I asked, my mind reeling.

“I can’t tell you, not exactly,” she said.  “We were playing with energies, with realms, that are not toys and should not be played with.  Some things…  some things are better left alone.”  She sniffled.  “I wish we’d realized that then.”

“Will I ever get my memories back?”

Her gaze went unfocused for a short time. “Very unlikely,” she said.  “Not impossible, but no one in my realm has figured out how to do it, either.  And we have vastly more resources available to us.”

I frowned.  This wasn’t good news.

“How did I end up on the side of the road?”, I asked.

“We don’t know,” she said softly.  “At that time, we were in a time of, shall we say, transition.  We were preoccupied.  We didn’t see what happened.”

I sat quietly.  A bird was chirping in the distance.  It was a high, clear call, oddly beautiful.

“Why is my dog named Marie?”, I asked.

“Well, that should be obvious,” she chuckled.  “Marie Curie”.

The bird call was getting a little louder.

“What does ‘lycoris radiata’ mean?”, I asked.

“It is your flower,” she said.  “A symbol of death, but beautiful all on its own.  They are the flowers of the heavens.  The accident opened heaven, Lily.  It opened heaven, and it opened hell, and you were touched by heaven in a way few humans ever are.  Lily, many beings are watching over you.  You are loved, both on earth and in heaven.  Always remember that, Lily.  You are loved.”

The bird call was almost deafening now, and I woke up.  It was my alarm clock, beeping incessantly.

There was something on my chest.

It was iridescent, impossibly light but every petal seemingly immovable, shining with a light from within.

“You are loved,” it whispered into my heart.”

I just laid there, looking at it.  How did it get into my room?

Then I screamed.

Dave and Sabby came running in, and I just started blubbering.  They looked at me, and the glass-like flower, with confusion, and finally Sabby just took me in her arms and I started wailing, in a combination of terror, confusion, and… sadness.  I told them about my dream, and they looked at the flower, and then me.  And they told me to get showered and dressed, we were going to see the pastor.

I guessed that was as good a plan as any, and I complied.

An hour later, we were at the pastor’s house, and he looked like he had just woken up.  We sat down on his sofa.

“What happened that was so urgent that you had to wake me up at this hour of day?”, he asked, chuckling but also making clear he was dead serious.

So I told him.  Everything.  I told him about my dream, and then showed him the flower.

He took the flower, and spun it around a little to see it from all angles.  He sighed.  “All I can think of to do is pray over it,” he said.

And so he did.

As we were praying, we all heard a soft, disembodied voice.  It was gentle, and it said this:  “Lily has been given a gift.  It comes from great sadness and suffering, as do the most precious gifts.  Do not fear, but rejoice.  Look on the flower, and remember.”

And then it was silent.

The pastor was quiet.  “Lily… I have never had that happen before.”

“Is… is it okay?”

He was quiet for a bit longer.  “I think it is.  Lily, what did the woman say again about the reason you lost your memories?”

I thought for a bit.  “She said that I had been touched by heaven.”

“Who else among us can claim that as directly as you?, he asked, shaking his head.  “Tell me if anything else happens, but what else can I say?  I heard the same message you did.  I’m just a pastor,” he said wistfully.  “I help people find God, as best I know how.  It.. seems he has found you.”

Lycoris Radiata.  Red Spider Lily.  My flower.  Touched by heaven…

I have much to think about.  But, if I’m being honest, I’m a little afraid to sleep tonight.

Love you all!!! ❤️

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

And it’s still hot!  Really hot!!!  There’s a tropical storm moving by to the south, but we got just a very little bit of rain today.  Awww.

Jack made his appointment with a career counselor, but he’s still not really happy about it.  I’m staying as much out of it as I can, but I’m his girlfriend, so I still get a bit of the blowback.  Aww.  I do think he sees why it’s necessary, he’s just… finding it a little difficult, for whatever reason.  But we’ll see what the career counselor says.

I’m not really sure what he’d be good at, but it’s not because I don’t think he’d be good at anything!  He just hasn’t shown me a lot.  He’s not hiding it from me, he just…  coasts.  So I don’t really know what he’s great at.  He’s pretty good with people, I think, if a bit introverted.  He’s a good big brother and boyfriend.  But career-wise?  He’s never shown much passion at anything, so I don’t know.

Oh well.  Let’s see what happens.

Otherwise it’s pretty quiet.  All the birthday preparations are happening.  The girls are doing some chattering without me, but they won’t tell me what’s going on.  Even if I begged and pleaded and offered chocolate.  Beth told me chocolate works on me more than it works on her.  Aww.  Girl’s right.

I don’t know what I could bribe Beth with.  Dark matter?  Haha.

They seem to like having a secret from me but they said it’s about my birthday and to STOP PUSHING.

Aww.

But I stopped pushing.  For now.  Muahaha.

Anyway, no point in trying to find too much to talk about on a boring day, so…

Love you all!!! ❤

HI! It’s me! Lily!!!

And… there’s been a bit of drama.  That’s why I didn’t write last night.

So yesterday we did the normal Sunday stuff.  You know, go to church, get chocolate pancakes, come home…  and Jack’s really having a bad time of it.

His parents had a long talk with him.

They told him that he’s turning eighteen, and that they’re not going to force him out or anything like that, but that he’d better get his butt in gear and figure out what he wants to do, because they’re not going to be housing him when he’s thirty.  And then they said that if he wants their approval to marry me someday, he’d better start planning to take care of me and any children we might have, because they won’t.

That, apparently, led to a pretty huge fight.  One I didn’t really take sides in, and now he’s a little snippy with me about that too.

I’m not going to take their side because.. he’s my boyfriend.  But I’m not going to take his side… because they’re right.

I don’t really know what to say or do.  He’s not being mean or horrible to me or anything like that, just a little… distant.

But it’s not a problem I can solve, is it?

He knows I’ll support him in whatever he wants to do, but he has to do something.  I don’t even care if he holes up in a room and writes the great american novel, or learns how to day trade, or even trades crypto (as long as he’s smart about it!).  I might have some money, but it won’t last forever.

He’s being a little sullen about it, but they’re offering an aptitude test at his school, and he’s set up an appointment with a career counselor.  I think it’s a matter of pride for him, but he knows he has to do something.  I wish I could help him find what he’s passionate about.. .well, he has, but I’m not a career.  Haha!!!

Though Sabby might say I’m a full time job.

He also needs to start applying to colleges too if he wants to get in.  His grades are okay.  Not perfect, but okay.  He might have to wait a year to establish residency here before he can attend a state college, but there may be other options.  Maybe he can go to ACC with me!  He’s not the most mechanically oriented but he could learn a trade.  I guess we’ll see how the career counselor works out.

I need to see one too.  I don’t really know what I want to do.  Like I said, I know some things, but… not what to do for a career.  Maybe I’m already doing what I want to do for a career!!!  But probably not.  I mean, yes, the business is doing alright, but I’m not nearly as involved in it as Sabby is, and… I don’t know.

It’s hard being an adult, isn’t it?

I wish I was back to two years ago, sometimes, when it was nothing but going to the mall and the waterpark.  Sabby told me then that I should enjoy being young because it wouldn’t ever come back… and she was so right.  She’s always right.

She told me if I do what cat-girl does, though, she’ll remove the tail, and not be gentle about it either.  She’s scary!

Anyway…  guess I should go.  I’m not feeling good about things right now.  But… it’ll work out.  Or it won’t.  Shikataganai, as Emiko would say.  Can’t be helped.

Love you all!!! ❤