Category: Diary

This diary entry is part 3 of 11 in Lily's diary dated 01 - July 2021

Hi again!  It’s me!

Oh my God, yesterday was so much fun!!!  Liz and I went to a local museum, and afterwards we went to a burger place and had a burger and shake!  Normally I don’t get to eat out much, It’s very important to Sabby that we eat at home, but every now and then I’m allowed a treat.  I love chocolate!  It’s my favorite thing!  It’s like if you were to take sunshine and rainbows and skittle and kittens and mix them all up into a glass of chocolatey goodness!  OH MY GOD it’s so good!  But it’s not healthy to eat too much of that kind of food.  So it’s a treat.

Liz doesn’t really like chocolate, can you believe it??  She was raised on Chinese food (she’s very vocal that Chinese food is not “kung pao chicken”, but heavy on rice and veggies).  But every now and then she does enjoy a nice burger.  Where we live, there are lots of burger places.  She just has a plain vanilla shake.  I love her anyway.

Every Friday night Dave likes to have a movie night, where he watches movies that I haven’t seen before with the family.  Or at least I don’t remember seeing before.  He likes silly comedies, like “Airplane!” or “Blazing Saddles!”.  Everyone was laughing so hard at Blazing Saddles, but I didn’t see what was so funny.  That poor Sheriff!  And why did they end up in modern Hollywood?  The ending made no sense!  But Airplane! was funny.  Dave says that they don’t make movies like those anymore.  I don’t know if he’s right, but I hope they don’t make another like Blazing Saddles!

But just because Dave’s choice in movies is suspect doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy.  He is very family oriented.  It’s important to him and Sabby that we do things as a family, and they see me as a part of their family.  So we’ll watch a movie tonight.  Dave tells me it’s by a guy called “Monty”… ummm… Viper?  Rattlesnake?  I don’t remember.  But maybe it’ll be funny.  I know I didn’t think Blazing Saddles was funny, but I do like funny things!  Honest!  I just didn’t understand the jokes, I guess.  Sabby makes popcorn on movie nights, and some yummy things to drink, so even if the movie’s not all that great, I love just spending time with everyone.

Oh, while we were at the museum, a boy was checking Liz out!  She was so embarrassed!  She doesn’t know what to do with boys, they are almost as confusing to her as they are to me.  He even told her she was pretty, and he was really shy about it.  She said thank you and giggled like a maniac!  The boy looked disappointed for some reason, I don’t know why.  She is pretty though!  I don’t know what I would do if a boy were to do that to me!  I don’t want a boyfriend.  How can I give a boy all of me when I don’t even know what all of me is?

I want my memory back.

But if I got my memory back, what would happen?  I would remember my real parents and my real family, and would they be as nice as Dave and Sabby are?  I don’t know.  I want it back, more than anything else in the world, but it would hurt my family now.  I love them.  They are so kind to me.

Look at me, wiping tears from my face while I write.  I’m such a… girl!

Anyway, I need to shower.  Today I don’t have any real plans.  Maybe I’ll do some chores and go to the library.  Love you all!!!  ❤️

This diary entry is part 2 of 11 in Lily's diary dated 01 - July 2021

Hi!  It’s me again!  I’m Lily!

I just got back from a run with Liz.  Running is not my favorite thing in the world, but my foster parents think it will be good for me, and I do feel better after.  And it’s fun to run with Liz.

Liz is Chinese.  That’s not her given name.  I’ve tried to pronounce it a couple of times and gave up, and she likes to be called Liz anyway.  She has long, black hair, is shorter than me, and has a very pretty face.  I think she is prettier than me.  My hair is not as long as hers, and my face is too round.  But she thinks I am prettier than she is, so maybe we both are hard on ourselves?  I could have long hair, but I keep it short because long hair is harder to keep pretty.  Boys seem to look at both of us, so maybe they think we are prettier than we do.  Or, maybe they’re just boys and think almost anything is pretty.  I don’t understand boys.  But they don’t understand us either.

My foster parents are not strict like Liz’s parents are.  Her parents are always sending her to classes and school to make sure she gets good grades.  She loves her parents and they love her, but it seems hard for her sometimes.  I hate to see her cry.

My foster parents only have a few rules for me.  I can’t be out past ten PM without their permission, which is fine with me.  I have to eat what they put on the table and eat dinner with them, which is also fine with me.  I’m grateful to have food, and Sabby is a pretty good cook.  And I have to go to church on Sundays. I don’t mind this either.  All they ask is that I go.  I can read a book or listen to music on my headphones or do whatever I want as long as it’s not disruptive.  I don’t understand most of what they teach anyway.  God is confusing to me.  They tell me He loves me, and I am well taken care of, but I lost my memory.  How can He love me if I’ve lost everything that makes me who I am?  And I have to keep my room clean and do a few chores.  Other than that, as long as I keep busy and find something useful to do, they let me do what I want.  Today I’m going to go to a museum with Liz and we will eat after.  It sounds so much fun!

I have to shower now.  Running makes me smelly.  Love you all!!!  ❤️

This diary entry is part 1 of 11 in Lily's diary dated 01 - July 2021

Hi!  It’s me!  Lily!

I’m new to blogging.  I don’t know what I’m doing, or what to write.  One of my friends set this up for me, and my doctors tell me that writing might help me to remember, so here I am!  I don’t know what to say, but Sabby (my foster mother) thought I should start by telling my story.  So, here goes.

My story starts a year ago.  The first thing I remember was walking down the side of a road.  I remember my clothing was ragged and stained, and I wasn’t feeling great.  That’s all I remember.  I didn’t know my name, where I lived, anything.  It was so scary.  I did remember how to talk, and all that important stuff, but nothing else.

A police car stopped.  They asked me for ID, but I didn’t have any, and I didn’t know who I was.  Finally they took me to the hospital.  I was fine physically, but they couldn’t just toss me out.  There were no records of me.  No one knew who I was, and I didn’t know where I was, and obviously, didn’t know anyone.

They called a family from a local church that the doctor was friends with, and I went home with them.  There was Dave, the father, Sabby, the mother, and a couple of children a little younger than me.

I had such a hard time adjusting.  The children hated me, even though the parents tried their hardest to help as much as they could.  They gave me a nice room, with a soft bed, and I will always be so grateful to them for that!  But I was still so sad.  I stayed in my room for a week, only coming out for meeting with the social workers, to eat, and to shower, and I think I cried through it all.  I had lost the most precious thing that I could possibly lose.  Myself.  They got some spare clothing from people in their church, and while it fit me, it wasn’t mine, and that made me cry even harder.

But I couldn’t cry forever, and soon they took me shopping for clothing.  They bought so many things for me!  There were dresses, and tops, and jeans, and even underwear!  Maybe not the absolute prettiest clothes, but they were nice and I liked them!  I asked Sabby why they did all those things for me.  She told me that I needed it, and they could, and do they need another reason?  I hugged her so tightly, I think her ribs are still bruised.

Soon I had to go to school.  I didn’t want to go, as I didn’t know anyone.  I didn’t even know myself.  But they told me that it was important for a girl my age to go to school and be with other children my age, especially with my lack of memory.  So I went to school, even though it was mostly online because of that virus that’s going around.  It was so overwhelming at first!  But soon I met Liz, who became my best friend.  I was a novelty at first, the girl with no memory, but most of them actually accepted me!  Yay me!  Liz and I do everything together, and I don’t know what I would do without her!  I think I love sports and I want to try out for them, but I have to wait until sports come back after summer break.

That’s my story.  I still have no more memory of who I am than I did on that day.  It hasn’t been easy.  But I met my family (even the children grew to tolerate me!), I met my friends, I have a place to sleep, food to eat, and clothing to wear, and I even got to choose my own name!

Now I am on summer break.  My family won’t let me be lazy and sleep all the time (and I love to sleep!) so I have to do something useful with my time.  Is this something useful?  I think so.  But Sabby tells me I need to keep busy.  She is going to take me and Liz to get our hair and nails done later today (my state is pretty much entirely reopened, thankfully).  She thinks girl time is important.  I really love her, did I say that before?  I do!  I love her, and Dave, and everyone else!  And I love getting my hair done!  So I will write again soon.  Love all of you!   ❤️