Category: Diary

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

A… lot of people read this, I guess.  I don’t know how many strangers, but a lot of people I know.  Last night I wrote what I wrote and went to bed.  Honest truth is, I wasn’t very sad.  Just… a bit introspective, I guess.  How’s that for a big word?  See, not a dumb girl!!

But I guess it didn’t come across that way.  Maybe it was the last couple of sentences.

Anyway, Jack came over tonight after work, and he wanted to talk.  Not about anything bad – “we need to talk” is often code for “you’re doing something wrong”, but in this case, it really was just that.  He read my diary and…  he was worried about me.

I told him I wasn’t really sad.

He only partly believed me.

And… and maybe he was right to.  To only partly believe me, I mean.

He told me that even if I was sad about some things that happened to me, that he wasn’t.  Because if it weren’t for any of that, he would never have met me, and he would never have fallen in love with such a wonderful girl as me…  and I melted.

He always knows just the right thing to say.

And it’s even better that he means it.

And I guess he’s right – I wouldn’t have met him, either.  Right?  Maybe I would have met someone just as good, but… but he wouldn’t be Jack.

And that’s all great…  but…  but it still hurts a little.

But Jack said something smart.  He said everyone has that little hole in their heart.  Some peoples’ are small, some are huge and gaping, but everyone has one.  Everyone thinks about what was and what could be, everyone has someone who ripped something out of them, and everything has a flower that grew out of that…  fertilizer.  And he said, for me, it’s a licoris radiata.  A spider lily.

I still don’t know what that means.

But I love him for it.

I really, truly, love him for it.

Friends…  and more than friends… really matter.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

I’m not a very.. thinky… girl.  Not like Beth is. Beth thinks a lot.  She reads, and thinks, and has a lot of interesting thoughts that I don’t always understand.  I just kind of do, and feel, and only think when I have to.  Sabby tells me I’m… experiential, whatever that means.

But sometimes I do think.  I’m not a dumb girl!  I think about things, sometimes even important things!  I think about life, and happiness, and…  sometimes sadness too.  I’m giggly and bubbly and love chocolate!  And…  and my life isn’t perfect.

I don’t always talk about how it’s not perfect, but it’s not!

The biggest reason is the one that’s always hanging over everything, you know?  Where are my memories?  I mean, it’s clearly not all bad!  Like I’ve said, would I have the good life I have if I had all my memories?  But…  everyone has memories, right?  They’re kind of the one thing that we get of our own, the one thing that no one can take away from you.  Well..  the one thing that most of the time no one can take away from you.  But…  maybe someone found a way to take them from me.

If they did…  they weren’t theirs to take!!!

But I don’t even know how they’d do it.  I’ve looked it up, and there’s no technology that’s able to do that.  Either there’s some super-secret classified technology that no one knows about (and considering how high up my “benefactor” is, maybe I shouldn’t speculate on that), or it was just a horrible, very unlucky accident.

And how did I end up on the side of the road, too?  I mean, wasn’t someone around when I lost my memories?  It’s hard to be on the side of the road if… if someone didn’t actually drop me there!  Was I left on the side of the road like an abandoned kitten?  I… I don’t like that thought very much.  I don’t like it at all.

And someone knows, too!  My “benefactor” has dropped some really strong hints, that people know what happened to me!  And someone left me quite a bit of money, and they know where it came from!  Why do they keep it from me?  I mean, it’s nice to know I can go to any college that’ll have me, or do whatever with it, but every month when I get my trust statement it just reminds me that I have no idea where it came from.

Sometimes Beth gets jealous.  I think Liz does, a little bit.  I ask them if they would trade their memories for everything I have, because that’s exactly what I did.  Except I didn’t get a choice.  That usually works.  I wish it didn’t have to.

I’m better off not thinking.  I’m better off being a happy, bubbly girl who likes chocolate and keeps any important thoughts out of my pretty little head.  Because all my important thoughts just leads to questions, and then to sadness, and then, to wondering why people ever bother thinking in the first place.  It just leads to problems and sadness.

I’m a Barbie girl, in a Barbie world…  la la la  Clothes! Sugary treats! The mall!!! Makeup!  Shiny things!  Delicious things!  Pretty things!

…  tears.  Running down your face and splashing on the ground and smearing all the makeup and… and then you fix your makeup and keep going because that’s what you do.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

I’m not a sporty girl.

I mean, I like to run.  It gets the blood flowing.  And I think I wouldn’t mind so much being a cheerleader.  I’m pretty fit I think.  But I’ve never really liked sports.  They make no sense really!  Dave likes sports a lot, but I think it might be a guy thing.  Or, at least, a not-Lily thing.

Because I never even mentioned the super bowl last week!!!

I was sooo busy getting fed chocolate by Jack that it completely slipped my mind!!!

Dave likes it thought.  Remember when I said that we were laying on the couch in a caffeine and theobromine induced haze?  Dave and David had the TV on and were watching the game.

But none of us girls even cared.

We were too busy digesting that wonderful cake.

So I didn’t even write about it!!! Aww.

But it’s important to a lot of people.  For some reason.  I don’t know why.  So.. .go team that won!!!

I guess.

Jack…  he’s not really a sporty guy, either.  He’s pretty strong and I think he’d be good at, maybe, baseball.  But he’s not too interested.  He’s… had some bad experiences with jocks.  Aww.

It’s funny how there’s a whole class of guys named after things meant to protect their… well… you know.  It’s a bit insulting!!! But the ones Jack knew, well, they deserve it.

Today was quiet.  We went to church.  The pastor wanted to talk about some revival that’s been going on for days in Kentucky.  What’s a revival?  I don’t know.  Apparently people are flying over there just to be a part of it.  Maybe it’s fun?  I don’t know.  I don’t know anything about that kind of thing.  But the pastor said that God’s being active, and, well, I guess that’s a good thing.  We need more God.  What we’ve got now isn’t working… sigh.

And then we all went to the mall!  Fun!  I love going to the mall!!! But we didn’t buy a whole lot.  Just went and had lunch and walked around for a while.

Okay…  I’m going to bed now!!!  And not playing sports!  Hahaha!!!

Oh… my trip to LA is coming up soon.  I hope that turns out okay.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

And it’s Saturday!!!

Woohoo!!!

But it was a quiet Saturday, thankfully.  I like quiet days.  Did I ever tell you that?  I do!  I like fun days, and I like quiet days!  I don’t like dramatic days though!  Awww!!!

Today was one of those days where Sabby gets a bug up and we’re all cleaning, so we did a lot of that.  She was whirling around like a tornado with a mop, and we had to make sure our rooms were clean too!  I didn’t mind, but David was complainig up a storm.  He hates cleaning.  I guess I don’t blame the kid, it really isn’t fun.

But it’s not too bad, either.

So after all that, Jack came over and had dinner with us.  It wasn’t really a date, but it was nice anyway.  Liz came over too, and we chatted and had a pretty good time.  Dave’s really warmed to him.  Thankfully.  I mean he never really disliked him, but he’s his daughter’s boyfriend, and, well, I guess a bit of confrontation is in the contract.  But we’ve kept to our end of the bargain, and I guess that’s all he could really ask for.

Sabby does occasionally check that we… keep our promises… though.  We do.  We still do.  When I’m weak, he’s strong, and when he’s weak, I’m strong.  I guess it all balances out.  No grandkids yet!!!

No grandkids today.  Grandkids tomorrow.

Hahaha!!!

There are still tree banches sitting there at his complex from the ice storm! Wow!

Okay… time for bed!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

It’s FRIDAY!!!!

And Monday is a holiday!!!  Well, for some people, anyway.

I’m spending some time with Liz tonight, and the girls are over with Beth.  They’re all jealous that she’s learning to drive, even if she smacked a pole, so she’s feeling a little tiny bit better about it.  Dave got some estimates for body repair and it’s coming out of Beth’s paycheck at the shop, when she works there.  Aww.

Liz is gushing about her boyfriend, he gave her a very thoughtful gift for Valentine’s day, and she can’t stop gushing, but I guess that’s a good thing.  At least she’s happy with him, right?

It’s late, so tonight will be a short diary – Liz wants to play a board game then we’re going to bed.  Someone else has to walk Marie tonight!  Hahah!!!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Beth is still in trouble – kinda.  Dave and Sabby seem to have calmed down enough to realize that that’s what happens when teenagers are learning to drive, and at least it wasn’t another car she hit.  Beth’s a little skittish about driving again, but she needs the practice.  I’m not sure how they’re going to resolve it, but I guess we’ll find out.

Dave did apologize to both Beth and me for his comment about how I’d never do that.  It wasn’t fair to either of us – it just turned Beth against him and against me too.  It hurt Beth.  I could tell.  But there’s nothing Dave can do but apologize – and never do it again.

But now they’re talking a lot more seriously about getting Beth her own car.  So we’ll see how that shakes out.

The driveway is getting crowded!!!

So I guess that crisis is mostly averted.  For now, anyway.

Why didn’t I crash when I was learning?  I don’t know.  Maybe I was lucky.  Maybe I’m just a little more cautious.  Maybe I had a little more practice.  Maybe my martial arts training that I can’t remember gave me good reflexes.  And who knows.  I guess it’s still possible.  Hasn’t happened yet, though.  Which, considering how bad Texas drivers are, is at least a little surprising…

I’m tired and Marie needs a walk.  It’s a little chilly tonight.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

Beth’s in trouuuuuuble!!!!

Have you ever noticed how when a child sees another child doing something wrong, it’s always the same inflection?  “Awwwww!!!!! Someone’s in TROUBLE!!!!!!”

Hahaha!!!

I once had a little two year old yell at me across the street when I was doing something that she was telling my mommy!  It was cute!  She thought I was doing something wrong but I wasn’t!!!

Anyway, I got sidetracked!  SQUIRREL!! hahaha!!!

Beth’s in trouble!!!

She crashed the car!!!!

Okay, well, it wasn’t a bad crash, and she’s not really in trouble, but isn’t it more fun to tell the story this way?

Dave took her out to practice driving and she was driving in a residential area, and she didn’t hit the brakes in time and sideswiped a pole!

It wasn’t a fast hit and she did hit the brakes, but there’s a nice scratch in the car and Dave’s not happy.

But then he said something really dumb to her.  He said “Why can’t you be more like Lily?  She’s never done that!”

Well, Beth came inside, started crying, ran to her room, and hasn’t come out since.

I’m actually not happy with Dave for saying that.  When I heard what he said, I told him I don’t ever want him comparing me to her, not only because it’s not fair to either of us, but I’m adopted and Beth isn’t and he basically just told her that the daughter he chose is better than the daughter he made.

He really didn’t want to hear it, but at least he heard me out.  He and Sabby are in Beth’s room right now and there are some muffled raised voices.

And some of them are coming from Beth.

Awww.

Sabby did give me a hug and told me I was right, and Dave will come around eventually.  He’s just upset because the car is damaged.

David, of course, is just watching the carnage and playing his games.  That’s what David does…

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

Have you ever stopped to think what a weird word “February” is?

It’s a weird word!!!

But every word is weird if you say it enough.  Like “Thank”.  What a weird word that is!!!

Anyway, today was Valentine’s day.

I had to think a lot about what to get Jack.  My thinker got sore.  Sabby’s no help.  Dave’s no help.  Beth just smirked.  I even asked Grace!  She said “give him legos”.  Which, actually, I bet he’d like, but it’s not a great romantic gift.

And what’s worse is, I don’t really think he cares all that much.  I mean, he wants to get something from me, but I’m sure he would prefer that it be from the heart rather than something I just buy him because I can’t think of anything else.  He’s pretty cool that way.

There is that purple thing Liz bought me as a prank a couple Christmases ago, but… if I wear that for him, I’m not telling you!  Besides, it looks like it’d be really hard to put on.  They sure don’t make those things for convenience, do they!

I could think of a few things he’d probably really like in that vein, but…  no.  No no no.

So…  I had an idea.  I don’t know if it was the best idea, but it was a pretty good idea.

I got him a very big teddy bear.  You know, the ones at the costco that are bigger than I am?  I got one of those, and I made it smell like me.  I gave it a bit of bodywash and a bit of hair product and a bit of that perfume he likes so much – seriously, it drives him nuts.  I put it in a big box, with a note that said simply “When you’re missing me, hug Lily the Bear”.

He… loved it.  He gave the bear a big hug, then he gave me a big hug and a kiss, and said it was perfect.

Then the silly-billy gave me a necklace.  It had a pretty heart on it with the word “forever”.

I melted.

Awww.

I thought the cake was his gift, but no, that was a decoy gift.

I’ll never understand boys sometimes.  They treat romance like a war.

Hahaha!!!

So we did do that double date.  It was nice.  Liz’s boyfriend was just a tiny bit jealous of how hot Jack is, until she explained that he’s her cousin.  Then he relaxed a bit.  He seems a little insecure.  But he does treat her well, he gave her a nice gift for Valentine’s day, too.  She gave him one back, and a kiss.  It’s really strange to see Liz kiss someone, but..  I’m glad she’s happy.

Boy can really pack the food away, though.  Haha!!!

Okay!  I’m tired.

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!

We had so much cake left today!!! Jack really outdid himself!!!  Beth and Sabby and I were chowing on cake all day!!!  Liz even came over and had some more too!

The problem is, I don’t know what to get Jack now!  I can’t think of anything I can do to outdo that!  Or should I even try!  Awww!!!

So tomorrow night Liz and I are having a double date with Jack and her boyfriend!!!

It’ll be fun, I think.

I asked Sabby if she had any ideas for what to get him, and she…  giggled.  She said that’s something I had to figure out for myself, but she’d better not get any grandkids for a while.

I blushed.

There’s a lot of traffic at the store right now – Sabby and the baker came up with some new product and they’re selling fast!  And cat-girl is dressed like Cupid!  Hahah!!!

I think she’d like to show more skin, but she knows where the line is now.  She’s got a little suction cup arrow though and she keeps shooting it at customers.  Aww.  But it’s all taken in good fun.

Next bit event is Easter.  It’s amazing how many events there are for a cookie shop!

Okay…  I need to think about what to get Jack!

Love you all!!! ❤

Hi! It’s me! Lily!!!

AND JACK REALLY OUTDID HIMSELF THIS TIME!!!

So we know Valentine’s day is in two days, right?  Well, the silly-billy coopted the baker!!! He went over to the shop, threw a few bills at her, and said “bake me the biggest, most chocolately cake you can possibly imagine, and then make it about half again as chocolatey.”  And, well, we know how good the baker is, and she delivered!!!

He even had her write on it “I love you more than you love this cake!”

The boy knows me!!!

So he brought the cake over today.  I wasn’t expecting him.  But he knocked on the door, and when I opened it there he was!  With a cake so big it had to be wheeled on a cart!!!  We took it in, set it gingerly on the table, and while the family was admiring it, I kissed the absolute snot out of him.

Sabby cleared her throat like twice before I noticed.

Well…  here’s the thing about that cake.  It was decadent.  I mean, remember what I said about making it about half again as chocolatey as even the baker could imagine?  It was a chocolate cake.  With chocolate pudding.  Chocolate frosting.  Chocolate sprinkles.  Chocolate drizzle.  Chocolate whipped cream.  Chocolate chips.  Chocolate kisses.  Chocolate candy.  Everything she could possibly think of to put on it, she did, and then doubled it.

OH MY GOD.

You know how I like chocolate?  You know how I love chocolate?  You know how I would marry chocolate if it wasn’t for Jack?  You know how I’d have little chocolate babies and watch them grow up into chocolate adults and then feed me chocolate when I’m old???  Well… this cake was almost too much for me.

Seriously.  It actually was almost too much for me.  Me!  Lily!  Lily the girl who loves chocolate!!!

It was so almost too much for me that I called all the girls over for an emergency chocolate-sharing session and we pigged out.

No, Jack didn’t mind.  He said it was my cake, and I could share it if I wanted, and the kiss I gave him was plenty thanks.

Crystal, Diana, even Allison…  they all came over, we served that cake, and omg it was almost too much for them too.  I swear after a piece they were bouncing off the ceiling!  It was hilarious!

Jack just sat there with a smirk.  He was enjoying the chaos!  The chaos HE caused!!!

Allison started running around chasing Grace around, who was squealing like a stuck pig!  I don’t know what a stuck pig sounds like, but if I had to imagine a stuck pig, well, that’s what she sounded like!  Crystal started talking a mile a minute and Beth asked Dave about the pressure washer!  Hahaha!!!!!  Not because of the cat he pressure washed (cat’s fine) but because she wanted to pressure wash something!!!

I think the baker put coffee in there too!  SHE DID!!!!!

Valentine’s day chaos!!!!

Hahahahaa!!!!!!

Marie, of course, did NOT get any.  Chocolate is bad for dogs.  Even though she begged.  Poor Marie.  She got a dog biscuit instead.  She was happy with that.

So a couple of hours later, everyone crashed, and we just lazed around the sofa in a sugar, caffeine, and theobromine induced haze.  And it was the most wonderful thing ever!  Well, except….  ummm…. it was the most wonderful thing ever!!!

“Lily?”, Jack said, snuggled up to me on the couch with Marie AND Grace sprawled over us.

“Yes?”

“I do love you.”

“Jack, after today, I have zero doubts about that at all.”

“you’re supposed to say ‘I love you too'”, he said just a little petulantly.

I blushed.  Aww.

“I love you too,” I said.

I meant it.

I really, really meant it.

All the girls are home now, we’ve all got school tomorrow, but they all told me how lucky I was to have a boyfriend who would give me such an amazing cake.  And I agree.  I’m very lucky.

And I have no idea how I’m going to top that on a PG diary.

And you know what the absolute most hilarious thing is?

Baker did it on the clock.  HE PAID ME FOR IT!!!

HAAHAHAH!!!!!!

(Normally she doesn’t take custom orders like that… yet, anyway… but Sabby said it was fine and no way am I going to get upset over that!!!)

Love you all!!! ❤